Kitchen Timer
Kitchen Timer
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» Kitchen Timer
Summary:
a draft I've written up for an RPC regarding temporal, seeking any and all criticism. i'm a bit rusty, so hit me hard, and thank you for reading!
nice harry potter ripoff :smile:
is the idea for this to be one of those "add your own uses" articles? where people can freely add onto it with your "emergency scenario" format? I'd like it I think, it would make for some nice stories. Maybe a bit too long for the formatting. I don't know.
otherwise its an ok article. I can see a lot of people getting really anal about how simple it is but I think simplicity is a good thing.
i think its pretty weird if its only authorized during testing, its containment box doesn't have like, a person sensor that immediately locks down upon someone entering without permission. would apply to both the past and present. or does turning the clock back send the user temporally back to where they were 30 minutes ago?
i'd probably rate it a 4, and if it were given more examples of situations where it was misused to show its application a 5.
i haven't read nor watched anything relating to harry potter so you've got me there :swagdread:
the idea of an "add your own uses" article seems rather interesting, and adding a section where people could add their own experiments or emergency scenarios regarding the object in question would definitely be something to consider.
regarding the whole person sensor and lockdown thing, the object only alters the user's place in time, not space. so, by using this rpc, the user would stay in the same place in regard to space, while everything else around them is affected. the user itself is not affected by the rewind, so it's essentially plucking your current self from the timeline, and nudging it back a set amount of time in the past. probably something i could emphasize in the article.
thank you for the crit! i'll take everything into consideration!
please follow the instructions given in ES-XXX-S01, found at the bottom of the document.
Change to personnel must follow the instructions
mechanical differents
Mechanical differences
The entire description just feels like bloat. Why spend a paragraph describing a kitchen timer when only a few sentences will do instead?
in example
Don't you mean for example?
Overall pretty interesting King Crimson rip off idea. Sure it may be a little simple like Blairin said, but it's a good idea on its own and I feel as if the emergency scenarios are enough implication on their own for what this thing has done before and what it could do. I don't like using this word but this pretty much is a good "Series 1"-esque article.
5/5 for reasoning above, nothing to hate on this with.
Right!
Grammar And Tone
Due to my time constraints, I will gloss over this. However, I will ask you to use as much passive voice as you possibly can. Such things make articles seem more clinical.
is to be kept inside of a 4x4x4 standard containment unit located in Hangar 17-06 of Site-017's Containment Section.
Unit please. Probs meters.
There are no mechanical differents between RPC-XXX, and a standard kitchen timer.
"There is no mechanical difference between RPC-XXX and a standard kitchen timer."
Structure and Lore
Many paragraphs are too long, suggest breaking it into two or three paragraphs.
Also, it is suggested that Delta-6 has a good reason for being worth listening to, though it's not exactly explained. I have a suggestion that may fix this, in the narrative part.
I'm not the biggest fan of the Authority having stable temporal technologies, but I'll let my personal biases slide.
Content
It's a good idea, if not a bit Harry Potter like. And it's described in more than adequate detail. No complaints here.
"Narrative"
I'd say the potential for expansion is the incidents that end up justifying the protocols listed in the bottom. Provide a brief overview on the incidents that did result in these protocols being needed.
For example, "Your wellbeing is not guaranteed. Any possible harm to self has likely already occurred." is an occuring phrase, but why? Would it be possible to show us this in action? I suggest referencing RPC-013 and SCP-3176.
Suggested Reading/Reference Material
/forum/t-13875569/kitchen-timer#post-