YOURE NOT PLAYING WITH POWER. (RPC draft)
Here it is. I hope you guys like it.
YOURE NOT PLAYING WITH POWER. (RPC draft)
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» YOURE NOT PLAYING WITH POWER. (RPC draft)
Summary:
My second RPC draft!
Glad to see more writers joining the community! I'm more than happy to help you with a crit.
Anyway, here goes:
RPC-XXX is a Nintendo Entertainment System manufactured in 1985. RPC-XXX is non-discernable from a non-anomalous NES
Don't abbreviate Nintendo Entertainment System. You know what it means, I know what it means, everyone knows what it means, but it's not a good way to write clinically.
When RPC-XXX-1 is inserted into RPC-XXX and is turned on, it will display the normal title screen of Super Mario Bros., and will proceed to operate as normal until the player reaches the end of World 1-2, where they are faced with an L-shaped pipe that leads to the exit of the level.
I think you should explain how the game works a little more, and more specifically the pipes. It's very possible there could be some older researcher reading this who has no clue what you're talking about, so you should elaborate more.
The most common phrases RPC-XXX-1 has spelled out are the following.
"WHY COULDNT YOU JUST PLAY THE GAME?"
"YOU ARE NOT A SUPER PLAYER."
"YOU ARE NOT PLAYING WITH POWER."
"WHY ARE YOU HURTING ME?"
"TURN OFF THE GAME. NOW."
Most of these phrases seem very generic, like something from a videogame creepypasta. There's a good idea here for sure, but I think you should make more original lines here.
Addendum 002: After a period of one month, no sightings of messages from RPC-XXX-1 were seen until 11/21/20. Upon starting the game, the death and "game over" animations would play, preventing anyone from playing RPC-XXX-1. Where the normal "Game Over' text would be, a new message was found.
IVE BEEN PATIENT WITH YOU PEOPLE FOR LONG ENOUGH.
GAME OVER. FUCKERS.After this message, RPC-XXX crashed and is no longer able to turn back on. Due to this, RPC-XXX has been reclassified to Neutralized.
Honestly, I don't like the ending. The game crashing and threatening the testers is nice, but it should do… something. Have something in the "real world" change in reference to the glitch.
Overall, a solid idea that could benefit more from more original writing and elaboration. It's a nice concept though, so I hope it works out! Good luck to you!
Containment Protocols:
RPC-XXX and RPC-XXX-1 are kept in a standard containment locker in Site-016.
Both RPC-XXX and XXX-1 are to be kept in a standard conainment locker at Site-016's warehouse.*
Just some corrections in regards to storage of items like this.
Access to RPC-XXX requires written permission from two Level 3 personnel. RPC-XXX-1's internal components must be cleaned on a bi-weekly basis using a Q-Tip and a small amount of rubbing alcohol.
But why, why is it crossed over, make a footnote or something saying what happened? An update?
RPC-XXX. (The image)
Don't put a period there, its not a sentence.
Description:
of the game Super Mario Bros..1
Two periods at the end
When RPC-XXX-1 is inserted into RPC-XXX and is turned on
and turned on* (no need for the "is")
Super Mario Bros., and…
Try to not put periods after the Bros part
where they are faced with a green pipe shaped like the letter "L" that once entered
where they are faced by a green pipe in the shapre on an inverse "L," that once entered*
RPC-XXX and RPC-XXX-1's anomalous effects manifest when the player does the following events.
RPC-XXX and XXX-1's anomalous effects manifest once the player performs the following actions*
After these events are completed
these actions*
Show RPC-XXX activation events/Hide RPC-XXX activation events.
Change events for actions and remove the period from the closing text
After these events are completed, RPC-XXX and RPC-XXX-1's anomalous effects will manifest. Instead of getting the common World -1 glitch level, the player will be sent into infinitely generated glitched levels within the game.
After the completion of these actions, and instead of being transported to the common World -1 glitch level, the player will be sent into infinitely generated glitched levels within the game.*
You should include the word "No" in the list of words that can be said, as it can be seen in the image.
Final Review:
An interesting little article, comfy
Not much to say, it was good for what it is and doesn't really need much else.
/forum/t-13858829/youre-not-playing-with-power-rpc-draft#post-