causing a Tera-3 Reality Instability Scenario.
A brief definition of this would be welcome.
I've studied ACS for a while and it turns out one of my hypotheses is true.
Suggestion: "I studied ACS for a while before Portal". Feels more directed toward the prior team.
I'm getting the feeling any technology I construct
Suggestion: technology -> tech.
"Technology" is usually interpreted as the dictionary definition of the word, which is a little awkward in this context. "Tech" on the other hand is slang that fits better and communicates the same.
I think the rest of the lost personnel are, well, a lost cause. We were getting close to calling an end to the whole endeavor before we received Garsow's transmissions. All efforts will be focused on him for now.
This is kinda weird because of the way the researcher notes are put after the transmission logs — one gets the idea that the transmissions arrived before the logs rather than it being the other way around, so the research team would already know the transmissions existed before this point. Maybe swap them around?
I don't even want to comment on the internal organs part. It's too dire. We can bring him back before we get to that.
Kinda talking as if Bentham or the team were going to do it themselves — which is an interesting peek into how he's thinking, but maybe easy to mistake for an error or typo.
Wow, what a nonsensical story. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to keep track of your work in such a chaotic environment. I hope Garsow can keep order there.
Suggest instead expanding a little onto how Gold imagines/theorizes Garsow might feel. Great chance to give a glimpse into what he's experiencing without having him directly exposing it.
Like — the story that Garsow tells doesn't exactly communicate that the work environment is really distracting, but maybe the team has concluded that it must be due to low ACS or just being too different from baseline.
Let's just keep digging for alternate reality records for now. We're getting close to completion on that, but still no finds.
Maybe he should suggest that Nucorp be reached out to here? This is said later, but no mention of it at this point is odd.
but nonsequiters in a swaying river.
Think it's spelled "non-sequitors"
Something that didn't feel this way in the last read: the idea of Garsow trying to do something and getting derailed by something else is way more apparent. You can just feel the distraction as you read, coming to and fro the seriousness of the situation.
Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Faith is confidence in what we hope for, and assurance about what we do not see.
This is a little weird. Presumably the quote would be directed to his team or people working with it, but the rest of the note appears to be directed at a third party.
ressaigned
reassigned
I recall a man with a bag over his head, stumbling through the street.
Not sure if this is intentional, but this part of the scene is described earlier. Garsow fucking losing it?
I ordered an Affogato.
Suggestion: what if he ordered a new kind of coffee exclusive to this reality instead? Could help solidify him losing his grip on what was real in Baseline, or giving in to the weirdness.
He's a damn fool. But I'll admit, he has something that the rest of us fools don't.
Change one of the "fool"s for something else
Gold thinks my motives for continuing the endeavor were baseless. But he's wrong, they are based.
Still think this could be more subtle. I wouldn't mind at all if it was earlier in the article, but this is placed right as the climax of the article approaches — feels kinda jarring, could break the mood.
You're heading to the dream's end.
Maybe some sort of parallel to the Page's End from Cair Aisling?
Man, that ending really does hit fucking hard. Massive improvement from the original, I think my every old critique is addressed or doesn't matter anymore.
Kudos for sticking to this for so long.
