I think this is ready enough to start getting crit.
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/crepe-cake-iii
I'm in the process of changing all the "ENTAN COMM"s to either "FARCOMM" or "GALACTICOMM"; not sure which one yet. Both sound good and if you could weigh in on which one you think, I'd appreciate it.
Also the final version will feature an offset page.
Damn, that was a fun little ride! I honestly don't have much by way of crit, though I get the feeling the fundamentally weird format might be a little unpopular with some. It's not exactly a conventional article, but the effect of the long blanks between text really impacts.
One question- why are they still communicating with entanglement comms when they're in the locality of the same planet? Wouldn't standard radio allow for the transmission of an actual audio feed?
That’s a good question that I’ll have to iron out. The shoddy answer is that he is still speaking to base, not the retrieval crew. But that begs the question; why aren’t those two talking by that point?
Will think about this. Thanks for the read and reply.
FARCOMM is the Authority's basis for supraluminal communications. The system relies on manipulated bits of quantum entanglement to correspond to a binary language (I/O)
Shouldn't it be (0/1)?
In another note, is this a type of messasing system used by ALL of the Authority or only extra-solar ships and such? And if so, why?
I JUST GOT PULLED OUT OF FTL
How do you suddenly get pulled out of FTL without becoming human dust? Wouldn't it make more sense to say his thrusters started malfunctioning and as such, he lost FTL levels of acceleration?
Also, idk if you can, but maybe cut off one word or space to make it so the footnote doesn't take up a whole line, looks ugly
I WAS 2/3RD THE WAY TO DESTINATION.
Shouldn't it be "2/3RDS"?
SUDDEN JERK, NOW OUT OF WORMHOLE. UNFAMILIAR REGION.
He was using wormholes for FTL travel? Taking aside all the temporal fuck ups that implies, that would also mean he needed to create one himself, and idk if you can get "Thrown out" of a wormhole, since its not like a road, and getting throw out unless it literally means coming out of one of the two entrances, would mean beging in some wierd ass fucking part of space-time in between point X and Z, kinda fucked up.
21.5KLY
Sounds cool but idk why they wouldn't just use normal light year metrics and say 21.K Light Years or 22B Light Years or as you did, 21.5Kl(ight)Y(ear) but without a wierd name to it
I AM SOEEY PLEASE COME.
Typo or intentional?
Also, does there really need to be such a long space after STANDBY?
NEBULA DOMINATES. SPARSE OTHERWISE. MILKY WAY ARMS VISIBLE. SOME PLANETS. MANY MOONS.
So he is at least in some kind of galaxy? Or are those extra-solar planets? If the former, wouldn't they be able to at least kinda track his location using some kind of stellar map?
CAN YOU LAND ON SURFACE OF NEARBY?
A SURFACE NEARBY*
ROGUE, NO HOME PLANET.
Then it really isn't a moon, its just a small planet or a large asteroid, since to be a moon it must be orbiting something
THE MOON I AM NO HAS STIPPED TOTATING.
I see you make a lot of typos on the red text, unless his hands became noodles or he is went nuts I don't see why he would make so many typos, wouldn't it make sense for the ship to have an auto-corrector?
21 kilo-lightyears from Earth.
Same issue with the last time you used the term
The clusters are positioned such that they resemble "eyes", adding to the uncanny impression of the nebula.
Doesn't sound really clinical, maybe change to: The clusters are positioned such that they resemble "eyes", adding to the feline resemblance of the nebula
RPC is anomalous in that it appears the same no matter what angle it is viewed. This is possibly an optical illusion due to exotic gravitational effects, however this is not confirmed, and would itself merit designation as anomalous given current gravitational theories.
This sounds really wierd, the wording of it, dik. Would change to:
RPC's anomalous properties manifest in an inablity for it to be viewd from different angles, always showing the same face regardless from the viewer's location. It has been theorized that this effect is the result of an optical illusion caused by exotic gravitational effects, and if confirmed, would merit designation as anomalous given current gravitational theories.
robust research attempts are in the initial phases of design.
extensive research*
The data does not support conjectures suggesting that travel routes in proximity to RPC are inherently more dangerous or likely to result in misfortune than other routes.
The data does not support conjectures, suggesting that travel routes in proximity to RPC are inherently more dangerous, or likely to result in misfortune, than other routes.*
It was pretty good, ngl. The article at the end feels a little weak, but I can pass it.
I don't think there is much to fix or add to this piece aside from fleshing out the ACTUAL article a little, but it is good as is.
4-5 Stars
Thanks for critting I am making some changes based off this.
AT 3PARSECS SHORTER.
I think there might need to be a space between the 3 and parsecs, but I'm probably wrong.
RPC was only recently discovered and robust research attempts are in the initial phases of design.
I think you should get rid of "RPC was only recently discovered" and just keep the second half in.
But anyway, this is a really interesting RPC, especially with how you've formatted the messages at the top, and leading it down to the RPC article. I liked the format, and the messages between the Authority personnel puts it into a fun, and somewhat creepy feel when they're talking about the RPC.
I'd definitely rate a 5, because of the mystery, the format and just the interactions.
I made both these changes, thank you for the read and crit.
