Jarticle (Joke article im so clever goddamn)
Jarticle (Joke article im so clever goddamn)
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» Jarticle (Joke article im so clever goddamn)
Summary:
Yes
RPC-XXX is to be contained within a standard humanoid containment cell, and given a dietary meal plan consistent with its desires in light of its fitness regimen. The site RPC-XXX is contained in must not contain any set of instructions or limitations issued by any medium, be it audially, visually, or otherwise.
RPC-XXX is to be contained within a standard humanoid containment cell, and fed a nutrient rich meal twice a day in light of its fitness regimen. The site on which RPC-XXX is held in must not contain any set of instructions or limitations issued by any medium, be it audially, visually, or otherwise.*
(You can cut the paragraph here, leave a space, and then start a new on)
RPC-XXX is to be granted access to the gym of its containment Site-597, under supervision from 2 Containment personnel each armed with a stun baton of sufficient magnitude to incapacitate RPC-XXX in the event it attempts to bend reality. Neither guard are to speak to RPC-XXX
RPC-XXX is to be granted access to Site-597's gym while under supervision from 2 ASF personnel, each armed with a stun baton of sufficient magnitude to incapacitate RPC-XXX in the event it attempts to bend reality. Neither guard are to communicate with RPC-XXX.*
(ASF makes more sense. Also, same as before, cut here, new paragraph.)
When being escorted around the facility to the gym designated, it is to use the route least populated with personnel where it can overhear speech. No on-site personnel is to place a limitation upon RPC-XXX, and as such Site-597 has a specialized blacklist of words and phrases personnel are not allowed to utter while within 25 meters of RPC-XXX. This list includes but is not limited to phrases containing the words "Don't", "Refrain from", and "Fuck off with"
When being escorted around the facility to the designated gym area, ASF personnel are to use the route least populated with personnel where it can posibly overhear speech. No on-site personnel is to place a limitation upon RPC-XXX, and as such Site-597 has a specialized blacklist of words and phrases personnel are not allowed to utter while within 25 meters of RPC-XXX. This list includes, but is not limited to, phrases containing the words "Don't", "Refrain from", and "Fuck off with"*
Description:
X-J is an approximately 173 cm human male of Jamaican descent, with a physically fit build
with a physically muscular bulid*
RPC-XXX exhibits the anomalous capability to bend reality according to instructions/limitations issued to it, via verbally or otherwise.
to manipulate its immedite reality according to…*
be it verbally…*
(Cut the paragraph here.)
RPC-XXX often uses its anomalous ability to its advantage, and often utilizes it as a method to obtain its desires.
RPC-XXX often utilizes its anomalous properties to its advantage, and as a method to achieve personal goals.*
As a result of its anomalous abilities coupled with its unpredictable and manipulative personality, on-site personnel are forbidden from speaking to RPC-XXX to minimize its agency to breach containment.
anomalous properties,*
Media ID#: M-010JXXX-5V:
Foreword: The following footage records a conversation between RPC-XXX-J and Researcher D. Lockt. The two are in the east staff lounge at Site-088. The time is 14:23:05 at the beginning of recording.
You could place a divider after this, makes it look more clean.
Btw, you could also differentiate actions from dialogue by using bolded or teletype brackets, like such:
[RPC-XXX-J is standing next to the fridge in the staff lounge. This is the third time RPC-XXX-J is granted access to one of the staff fridges after claiming that an item was mistakenly omitted from its meal plan. RPC-XXX appears to be familiar with the contents of the fridge, presumably having looked into it before the recording started. Researcher Lockt is seen supervising RPC-XXX-J.]
or
[RPC-XXX-J is standing next to the fridge in the staff lounge. This is the third time RPC-XXX-J is granted access to one of the staff fridges after claiming that an item was mistakenly omitted from its meal plan. RPC-XXX appears to be familiar with the contents of the fridge, presumably having looked into it before the recording started. Researcher Lockt is seen supervising RPC-XXX-J.]
Btw, if you are putting time-stamps on the dialogue, you should do the same for actions.
to make the last collapsible look cool you coudl center it
Like such
Final Review:
It was funny, and made me chuckle. 4/5
Didn't notice any blatant grammar errors, guessing Tarb got them.
This one caught me off guard. It starts off much like a legit article describing a reality bender, builds up, and then hits you with the punch line. I didn't even realize it was referencing a meme I've seen multiple times til that last bit. Now I feel slow, but I got a laugh out of it. I rate J-articles with either 5/5 (made me lol/chuckle) or 1/5 (unfunny emote) - This gets a 5/5 from me, dawg.
Thanks!
Forgoing my usual crit format for this.
The grammar works, and there are no mistakes that can't be explained away.
The punchline falls a bit flat for me, but then again I'm me. I generally feel nothing in these things and it's nothing you can fix with this article.
I'd 3/5 this. Decent work that doesn't seem to work for me.
spoon
As a result of its anomalous properties coupled with its unpredictable and manipulative personality
Shouldn't this be in the containment protocols
In several locations, you are missing "-J" from the designation. Some of them include
RPC-XXX is not to be granted internet access
RPC-XXX exhibits the anomalous capability to manipulate immediate reality
RPC-XXX displays an exaggerated personality
RPC-XXX's body language is congruent
Despite this, RPC-XXX is adamant about being a normal-acting person
This falls completely flat for me. I appreciate that you attempted to build up to the joke but upon reading it I just released a very deep sigh of disapproval. Giving this a 2/5
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