0B4-AI
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/obamai
Its fucking here baby, a Remnants draft on the fleash and blood, packed full with lore.
Original idea of an Obama AI was spawned by Blair on the lore server.
Now give crit.
0B4-AI
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» 0B4-AI
Hey Tarbolin, old FurryF*cker here!
I really enjoy the article you've brought before me, been a while since I have read anything Remnants-related.
Be Ladies and Gentleman for your welcome here during trying times. As we all know, these last 7 days have been essential for the progress of this week. And tonight, I have nothing… Thank you for being the true building pillars of this, rather, of our great nation.
This would read better as…
"Thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen, for your welcome here during these trying times. As we all know, the last seven days have been essential for the progress of our nation. And tonight, I have nothing. but my praise… Thank you for being the true building pillars of this, rather, of our great nation."
[People are seen clapping and screaming ObamAI's name, a women on the side of our informant is crying]
Change "women" to a "woman"
Unfortunately, I didn't have time to give an in-depth crit because of class. I'll be back later for such.
Don't worry, there really isn't anything Remnants related that you could read as far as I know. At least to better understand this article.
ObamAI itself is a highly advanced Artificial Intelligence that believes itself to be former 44th President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama II, whose main main directive is the protection and advancement of RF territory alongside the care of all of its citizens. According to inside information on the "New States Area," ObamaAI used to be an advanced security system for all of the White House's technological devices under the name of 0B4-AI.
Added Periods:
ObamAI itself is a highly advanced Artificial Intelligence that believes itself to be former 44th President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama II. The stated directive of the entity is the protection and advancement of Refounding Fathers (RF) territory alongside the extended care of all of its citizens. According to insider information discussing the "New States Area" (NSA), ObamaAI was formally the advanced security system for all of the White House's technological devices under the name of "0B4-AI."
At some point during the Alpha-Trigger events, 0B4-AI's internal code and hardware were damaged, causing it to question its directives after witnessing the death of then-President Barack Obama. During the following years, 0B4-AI adopted the identity of the deceased president by collecting all available data from its systems and remaining internet services as means to "cope" with directive failure until it was found by "The Refounding Fathers," who adopted the AI as their new rightful leader.
I would change this to:
During the Alpha-Trigger event, major damage was dealt to the internal hardware of 0B4-AI, causing it to question its directives after witnessing the death of then-President Barack Obama. In the following years, 0B4-AI would adopt the identity of the former Commander and Chief. After analyzing all available information in its database (and what remained of the internet) as a means to "cope" with its directive failure, the AI was rediscovered by The Refounding Fathers who adopted the entity as their new rightful leader.
Due to its damaged code, 0B4-AI believes all information about Barack Obama to be true, even when in contradiction with itself. This has caused the AI to act in a very erratic manner, often seemingly in parody of Obama himself, as comedic pieces or attacks on his identity and attitude were considered valid data.
This is good, but I feel as if the specifics of what it is talking about might be better cleaned up. Consider the changes made.
Due to its damaged code, 0B4-AI currently believes all information about Barack Obama to be true, even if contradictory. This has caused the AI to develop an erratic personality, often acting as if a caricature of real-life Obama. For instance, partisan writing, political cartoons, and attack pieces surround the identity, mannerisms, and personal character of the 44th President are regarded factually valid to the AI.
The main capability of 0B4-AI is its ability to implant its inner software on any machinery it is directly aware of, resulting in all technology in or near regions controlled by the RF containing exact copies of 0B4-AI. The ways on which it is able to assimilate technology such as microwaves or any other device without the capability of accepting raw code is still unknwon, but believed to be in some way assisted by microscoptic technology. The second, but nonetheless threatening quality of this AI, is its ability to convert raw inorganic or organic matter into pieces of technology, such as automatons, AC units, or in most cases, several million copies of small microscopic nanomachines it utilizes as eyes, ears, and hands all across the New States Area. If you see a suburban house, maybe even a car, it is very likely to be made entirely by a swarm of 0B4-AI controlled machine goo.
I would break this paragraph up and undo some of the run-ons.
The main capability of 0B4-AI is its ability to implant a copy of its inner software onto any machinery it is directly aware of, resulting in all technology in or near regions controlled by the RF Territory to contain exact copies of 0B4-AI. The ways on which it is able to assimilate technology without the capability of accepting raw code (such as microwaves) is still unknown. It is currently hypothesized to be in some way assisted by microscopic technology.
The second, but nonetheless threatening, quality of this AI, is its ability to convert raw inorganic or organic matter into pieces of technology for extended surveillance. This includes things such as automatons, AC units, or in most cases, several million copies of small microscopic nanomachines it utilizes as eyes, ears, and hands all across the New States Area. If you see fixures of the old world (a suburban house, maybe even a car) it is very likely that it is made entirely of a **nanotechnology under 0B4-AI's controlled.
Most of the Engagement Procedures I would just break up sentences:
Engagement Procedures: Unless you happen to run into Colorado or any of its surrounding states, this anomaly shouldn't be an issue. If you are, however, unfortunate enough to run into this area, its best to leave all the technology you have collected in a safe place outside of the region. That is, unless you want some of the only working computer on the East Coast to start giving you erratic presidential speeches indefinitely. Maybe you do, not judging here.
Why would you wanna go here? Well, they are the only centralized government remaining in the United States. They have technology available for sale aside from other goods, and a place of residence if you accept to offer the rest of your remaining natural life towards the goals of the RF.
Of course, this place is not without issues. If you are considered a danger to society by the police force common punishment is being sent to the mining gulags in Wyoming. As previously stated, all technological implants (ala, a pace maker) in your body might be spontaneous overwritten by ObamAI.
All in all, the only real dangers during your stay will be the erratic behavior of ObamAI and all of the citizens following every crazy mandate it gives out religiously. If you can manage that, it ain't a bad place.
Even so, and as per usual protocol, all remaining Authority personnel are to leave copies of this document in newspaper stands all around the New States Area as to prevent assimilation of this document by 0B4-AI. If you happen to have any of your devices assimilated while doing this task, destroy it. We don't want all of our databases corrupted. It happened once, and it won't happen again.
Overall, a good article. 4/5. I'm sorry if this was shit, I'm not used to giving forum crit. I thank you for not making it political. My main complaint is that it seems to still lean off of the really informalities of the format (I get there's no clinical tone, but some parts just feel stilted as a document) and I still feel as if there's more you can do to show off the aspects of ObamAI. What's written there is already good though.
This is great! Been itching for some Remnants stuff. Here's crit!
Grammar stuff
[Being Recording]
Should say "Begin recording"
[At this point, ObamAI stops speaking completely for a minute while looking around at the crow before kicking his stand, alongside microphone down]
Did you mean to say "crowd" ?
The how? it's simple.
"The how?" doesn't make sense as its own sentence but ObamAI is meant to not make sense, so that was on purpose, right? Secondly "it's simple" should be capitalized since it's a new sentence.
Dr. Durham: I see, and how wrote this "Best Book"
"how" should be "who"
Dr. Durham: Oh dear me! How outrageous, please expand on it.
"please expand on it." does not sound like a natural phrase someone would use in a "casual" conversation. Maybe something like "please elaborate." or "please explain." would work better.
Dr. Durham: I promise I won't, now take care
this needs a period at the end.
THE PLOT
I LOVE it. The article is right to the point and works as a dark parody of real life instances of people idolizing "cult of personality" politicians. Some of Obama's dialogue is full of inconsistencies and sentence structure that doesn't make sense, not sure if it was on purpose or not but it works well since he's suppose to be a schizo AI system.
This is a 5/5 for me. Great job.
Crit has been implement! Very glad you enjoyed this piece, I've been meaning to make a Remnants something for a long time but never got the inspiration for it until now, I plan on expanding the lore of both the RF and the Ark on later articles.
And remember, Obama is always watching…
whose main purpose is the main directive is the protection and advancement of RF territory alongside the care of all of its citizens.
whoopsie doopsie daysey
0B4-AI's internal coding and machinery was damaged, alongside a questioning of directives after witnessing the death of President Barack Obama.
"0B4-AI's internal code and hardware were damaged, causing it to question its directives after witnessing the death of then-President Barack Obama."
Due to its damaged code, 0B4-AI believes all information about Barack Obama to be true even if in total contradiction of previous information
"Due to its damaged code, 0B4-AI believes all information about Barack Obama to be true, even when in contradiction with itself."
this has caused the AI to act in a very erratic manner, or often as a parody of Obama himself as comedical pieces or insults about the formers identity and attitude were also considered as valid information.
"this has caused the AI to act in a very erratic manner, often seemingly in parody of Obama himself, as comedic pieces or attacks on his identity and attitude were considered valid data."
this has resulted in all technology in or near regions controlled by the RF being complete copies of 0B4-AI.
"resulting in all technology in or near regions controlled by the RF containing exact copies of 0B4-AI."
What about devices without sufficient memory to house an entire AI? Radios, small cellphones, etc?
Authority File Dispensers
Aren't these technological devices? Perhaps they don't have sufficient space for ObamAI and that's why they're safe?
wan't to announce
I don't know whether this is a mistake or intentional, it's great.
The first recording is seriously fucking amazing and made me actively laugh several times, which has never happened to me before in this site. The second interview falls off a little, and devolves to a little generic cultish stuff. It would be way funnier if their theology was based in text written more like a neural network rather than an actual human being.
Great work!
The entity referred as "ObamAI" is
Referred to as "ObamAI"
whose main purpose is the main directive is the protection and advancement
Saying main purpose and main directive in the same sentence is repetitive
The citizens attending the speech for the event before returning to their normal activities
What were you trying to achieve with this sentence
He said that he didn't used to be who he was
If this is a direct quote of the AI then use quotations but if its not then correct it to something along the lines of "He said he wasn't always who he is"
General thoughts: Yeah it was kinda f*nny. The obama dialogue is pretty much what carries this imo. Chuckled quite a few times during it. I definitely like how this is a creative take on how the media deceives us and spins the truth their way. It isn't presented as a 2deep4u pretentious mess and is just a simple little semi-political humor article. Although the interview at the end dragged this down a bit for me but whatever. Still a 4/5 from me
The AI was rediscovered by The Refounding Fathers who adopted the entity as their new rightful leader.
was later rediscovered
(Or just add anything that would indicate a passage of time would be good.)
often acting as parody of real-life Obama
a parody
For instance, partisan writing, political cartoons, and attack pieces surround the identity, mannerisms, and personal character of the 44th President are regarded factually valid to the AI.
Suggest Change: "surrounding" or "of"
The ways on which it is able to assimilate technology
in which
its ability to convert raw inorganic or organic matter into pieces of technology for extended surveillance.
Organic matter too? Like humans and animal?
it is very likely that it is made entirely of a nanotechnology under 0B4-AI's control.
"it is very likely that they are made of" or "they are likely made of"
a nanotechnology
unfortunate enough to run into this area
Suggest Change: the area
its best to leave all the technology you have collected
it's
some of the only working computer
computers
They have technology available for sale aside from other goods
technologies
(ala, a pace maker)
Do you mean "aka" or "e.g."?
a pace maker
pacemaker
might be spontaneous overwritten
spontaneously
Suggest Change: (move it to behind "overwritten")
the erratic behavior of ObamAI
behaviors
as to prevent assimilation of this document by 0B4-AI
"to" or "so as to"
We don't want all of our databases corrupted.
(So this version of the Authority has a dencentralized database, pretty cool)
in front of stage built on the middle of the park
a stage
a black swarm of nanomachines is seen flying though the sky towards the stage
through
I wan't to announce the new project
want(?)
ObamAICare
Why would it names the project after "ObamAI", a designation given to it by the ARK (and that it might not even have known it), when it identifies itself as the actual Obama. Why wouldn't it name it as something like "ObamaCare 2" or even just plainly "ObamaCare" since it copied it from Obama.
centers, medical tools and medicine
, and
a camera films a man fainting
(assuming the camera refers to the ARK agent recording) "the camera films a man fainting" or just "a man is seen fainting"
(assuming the camera does not refer to the ARK agent recording) Make it more clear where that camera came from
I'm a faithful believer of our lord Obama
I assumes it is 2020 in Remnant, how quick did could ObamAI constructed an entire ideology under less than 6 years.
our walls, our loved ones and on ourselves
, and in ourselves
he didn't used to be
use to
who he needed to be
whom he needs to be
If any problem I would have with this article are the unaddressed limit of its ability to convert organic material into his spying network and the religion developed around the entity, though that's only because my assumption that this took place in modern times.
Sapient Hazard
Probably would be better as sentient, since it is not (seemingly) self-aware, limited by consumed media and an AI
damage was dealt to the internal hardware of 0B4-AI
It should be both software and hardware. Hardware is parts, but software is the programming that would actually glitch out in such a way to create ObamAi.
often acting as a parody of real-life Obama
"Caricature" would be a better word instead of parody.
all of the citizens following every crazy mandate it gives out religiously.
It isn't mentioned why they do this. Are they seriously only a cult that follows ObamAI, are somehow influenced by him, scared for their lives and acting that way in hopes of surviving, or a mix of all?
believer of our lord Obama.
believer of our Lord, Obama. (capital L if it is religous, regular if it is regular)
Bush 1:12 "For when the
Bush 1:12: "For when the (It would also be better if it the numbers were written in letters, as to not have the colons clash)
best book … "Best Book"
Choose the way of capitalizing.
I see, and who wrote this "Best Book"
Forgot a question mark
And what is his "word"
See above
But why would that be if he is, and does, all the things you claim.
See above
so when I went to sleep
so when I went to bed
he told me it was ok
he told me it was OK
Smaller comments:
- It is said it's a good place to trade or if you like the government, but is it not extremely risky to do so because of the spontaneous nature of ObamAI? You can come in one day to trade medical supplies, only to find out these have been illegilazed the day before, which gets you arrested or kicked out. You should think about what more advantages exist to living or going there.
Neat article that got a couple of chuckles out of me. The interview is kind of flat, but the speech bit is great.
/forum/t-13739111/0b4-ai#post-