Good Day Everyone,
This article is a thematic adaptation of a failed article I had tried to write on SCP before and had posted for a short time in the LAI list, this time using a different base concept since the original one was not very engaging or well thought out. Do note the topics covered here might be sensitive or controversial, so if there is anything I can do to approach these issues better, let me know.
Heya! Nice.
As I did before, I am just just gonna go through your points/problems as doing line-by-line ain't my thing.
I can spot some mistakes here in the interview log re-reading it, so I am gonna go line by line for this one:
This is the problem with you Western doctors, you don't realize what power is hidden here in Africa
As far as I can tell, 'Western' isn't capitalised. But I could be wrong.
You're a witch doctor. Does explain the potions you've been making?
Does that explain the potions you've been making.
It gives me and my men the energy we need to fulfill our mission. It let's us be connected, I protect all of them while they protect me.
This doubles up on words, let's means let us. Just let's works.
Also, minor gripe:
2. A former containment facility constructed by the General Intelligence and Security Service - Division X, the Belgian AoI.
Don't please, just don't. A suggestion would just be to move it to Germany and say it was built by Buskoa.
Overall, I really enjoyed it, the anomaly was interesting, the UNAAC stuff was fun (I really enjoyed the 'expansion' of the UNISAAF, basically no one knows it exists), I think the ending was semi-dumb, but not dumb enough to discount this really good article. Good job man.
General Intelligence and Security Service - Division X, the Belgian AoI
A quick search of the GISS and it is shown to be a agency in the Netherlands, this is in addition to the fact that. The Belgian General Information and Security Service indeed has a "Division" structure. Given their similarities I assume this to be a mistake.
Suggest Change: General Information and Security Service - Division X
Maybe you can relax on the conversation and mouth guard procedure if he no longer has "the mental manipulation through speech" ability
coltan and cobolt mines
Cobalt
forcing Ugandan-backed militia groups from the outskirts of the city despite being numerically disadvantaged.
Suggest Change: from off
Mayi-Mayi insurgents aligned with the warlord Bajikijayi Nwadike in Kisagani
Kisangani
Anomalous Assessment Report
Anomaly
We came upon an injured woman in the road
on
The West and The East of the Congo is split
are
you are stronger together than they think
Suggest Change: you we
where a large canopy shelter is present being lit by torches
is seen
The central objective for the interview
The objective of the interview
It let's us be connected
lets
heal the sick in ways I had not though possible
thought
This is why the Mayi-Mayi exist
exists
engaging in causal conversations with its ASF units
casual
and triggered a containment breach
and breaches containment
Never fail to delivier, ey?
Decent length and pacing. It's 12 minutes long and does exactly what it needs to do in that time so no issues here.
I didn't get the feeling that he was overpowered if he could just be captured by a few gas grenades and a net.
Don't revise it. It was really strong and is the best part of the article which is what you were going for i think
I don't think there is anything you CAN do to the ending, it's fine so whatever. I think you're better off not touching it at all.
As a whole pretty solid article here. The only thing that weighs this down a bit (this is a personal thing) is the combat operations document. I've never been a fan of stuff like that but aside from that this is really good. 4/5
Thank you very much to all the reviewers! No article ever leaves the same way it came in, and this is certainly true here. Your critiques are always invaluable.
Here is the article: http://www.rpc-wiki.net/rpc-875
