The Pine Virus
I have the rough draft but I need to know about any errors with clinical tone or of I should add anything else to it
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/pine-virus
Harold K Caztovski
The Pine Virus
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Gave it a read. From what I gathered, this is a tree (or species of tree-like predator) that replicates itself by pricking humans (it only effects humans? not animals?) with its shed spines. Is that the gist of it? Interesting idea.
Clinical tone and grammar need work BUT before that, I would advise fleshing out your idea. Here's some stuff that stood out to me most:
1. You refer to infected individuals as 'RPC-805-1' but then at the end they become 'RPC-805-2' - this stood out to me because normally, the Authority would just designate infected individuals as RPC-805-1 for the entire process, even after they reach the 'final' stage of infection. RPC-805-2 would need to be a separate entity entirely or a separate component from both 805 and 805-1.
2. In the 'containment protocols' I would include the name of the forest. Your anomaly appears to be found in a specific location that has been closed off by Authority agents and this location is a crucial piece of information, it needs to be included in the containment section. You can black out the name of the forest if needed.
3. On the topic of containment protocols, you should also give more detail into the security perimeter. You mention 'concrete walls' but how long/wide is the perimeter? Are there cameras? Watch towers? Here's an example of how I'd start off the containment:
Containment Protocols: A fortified perimeter spanning 26 km² has been established around the █████ forest in █████, Alaska. The perimeter is comprised of 6.7m tall concrete barriers topped with barbed wire.
4. The description part. I would definitely include details regarding the tree itself prior to describing its anomalous effects. Do the trees resemble any specific type of tree? Pine trees come in several varieties (There's about 126 different species of pine tree, according to google) I see you included a photo but it doesn't explain certain features of the tree (average heigh, tree trunk thickness, etc) Maybe mention that the human-trees look similar to a certain species but the only notable difference is that instead of tree sap, they 'bleed' when cut?
5. I wouldn't be surprised if most of the pine trees in the forest were once human. A speculation that should be mentioned somewhere. Include something like "As of 201█, Authority assets suspect that the █████ forest contains approximately ██ instances of RPC-805-1."
6. Ok, now for the whole 'infection' process caused by RPC-805. Personally, to me, big blocks of text can be unnerving to read. I would suggest turning the symptoms into a bullet point list like this:
- symptom 1
- symptom 2
- symptom 3
- etc
Describe each symptom, physical effects, how long before it manifests, etc. ALSO! I would google medical terms for symptoms. For example, you mention 'excessive sweating' which would better be referred to as Hyperhidrosis. I'm not medical savvy myself but Google helps when you need to look up medical terms for certain things.
7. The last thing I want to say for now, and this is purely optional, is that this anomaly would fit well with the overall 'tone' of the 'Church of Malthus' GOI. You could add some references to them or maybe even hint that the group is responsible for the 'original' tree's existence. The tree's bleed, right? Well maybe the Malthus Church was planning on using these trees as a way to harvest 'blood' by transforming humans into trees. Think about it, an entire forest used as a blood bank. That is just my take on it though.
If you're not familiar with them, give the hub a read: http://www.rpc-wiki.net/church-of-malthus-hub
Hope this helps. Good luck!
WOW! Thank you so much! No, I'm not being sarcastic I'm being serious! You really did help me out with this crit, Thank you for critting my draft! I will PM you to take another look once I have revised my draft.
Harold K Caztovski
Hello! I am critting as a request on Discord! Let's get crackin.
contact with any instances of RPC-805-1
I think you mean "instances of RPC-805"
RPC-508-1
RPC-805
they must not be allowed to leave the chamber
it would be better to say "They are not allowed to leave the chamber until cleaning is done."
[REDACTED] in Alaska
"[REDACTED], Alaska"
unknown virus
Don't you think The Authority would've taken samples and identified the virus?
nauseousness and will eventually collapse as a result of stage 4
what will collapse?
RPC-508-1
RPC-805-1
RPC-508
RPC-805
Go through the article and fix this problem please.
approximately 8:24
PM or AM?
instance blood leaked
"Instance RPC-805-1's"
the missing person reports
Say "the missing reports"
Hollins's
Hollins'
that they had both gone missing with no trace.
Say "that they both had gone missing and had been presumed to be deceased"
Overall this is a good article and I don't wanna go hiking anymore but there needs to be some grammatical errors that need to be fixed and you got some numbers mixed and you forgot to change one of the SCP labels to RPC when transferring over. 3/5
Where there is a choice of two evils, I choose both.
Here is my revised draft!
All personnel must refrain from coming into physical contact with any instances of RPC-805-1.
say "All personnel must refrain from coming into physical contain with RPC-805 and any instances of RPC-805-1
RPC-805-1 that are not in containment must be contained or terminated.
"Any instances of RPC-805-1 that are not contained must be contained or terminated."
pines
what form does it take in? I am guessing a pinecone
manifest
manifests
This makes instances of RPC-805-1 highly susceptible to pain.
Do they still have there bones inside?
[.[collapsible show="Addendum 805-1" hide="Close Addendum"]]
I added the period so i doesn't add the code but when i clickt he discovery drop down It shows code.
Where there is a choice of two evils, I choose both.
Took a look at your new draft.
All personnel must refrain from coming into physical contact with any instances of RPC-805-1.
I would say: All personnel must refrain from coming into physical contact with RPC-805 as well as any instances of RPC-805-1. (Since both of them can infect people, right?)
The Authority utilizes CSD personnel to enter RPC-805's containment chamber to clean any pines that may have fallen off of RPC-805 to any of the RPC-805-1 instances.
I would change the word 'containment chamber' to 'perimeter' since it's not exactly a containment chamber. Also, how do they clean up fallen pines? Do they send in the CSD with backpack vacuums? That would probably be the easiest way. Mention it in there.
The Authority utilizes CSD personnel to enter RPC-805's containment chamber to clean any pines that may have fallen off of RPC-805 to any of the RPC-805-1 instances. If a CSD were to become an instance of RPC-805-1 while cleaning, they must not be permitted to exit the chamber. All pines collected during cleaning must be incinerated afterward.
Re-write: CSD Personnel will be tasked with entering RPC-805's perimeter and collecting any fallen pine needles that may have fallen from RPC-805 or RPC-805-1. These pine needles will be collected through the use of backpack mounted vacuums. All pines collected during daily cleaning process must be incinerated afterward. In the event that any personnel come into direct contact with pine needles, they are to be isolated and detained within the secured perimeter.
RPC-805 is a group of pine trees found in ██████, Alaska which bares an undiscovered virus that can change the physical form of any human being.
Re-write as: RPC-805 refers to a group of pine trees located in the ███████ Forest near ██████, Alaska. These trees produce an infectious pathogen which is capable of altering the biological structure of infected human subjects, ultimately transforming their physiology through anomalous methods.
As of 201█ the Authority has suspected that a large majority of the trees in the forest were once human2.
Re-write: As of 201█, it is theorized that approximately ███ of the pine trees comprising the ███████ Forest are instances of 805-1. (Forests can have hundreds of thousands of trees. your footnote says only 61 of the trees are 805-1? I'd make the number higher. Or don't state a specific number, get rid of the footnote and just type it out how I suggested.)
RPC-805-1 instances will go through a total of 5 stages before fully transforming into an instance of fully infected RPC-805-1.
re-write: Individuals infected by RPC-805's pathogen will experience a total of (5) stages prior to becoming full instances of RPC-805-1. These include:
A fever will develop 5 minutes after the infection begins followed by severe hyperhidrosis
Fever symptoms and severe hyperhidrosis manifest approximately 5 minutes after initial contraction.
The instance will develop a severe case of Alopecia followed almost immediately by the growth of tree twigs and pines from the hair follicles still in the skin
Symptoms of alopecia begin to manifest approximately 15 minutes after initial contraction. The loss of bodily hair is immediately followed by the growth of pine needles and twigs from vacant hair follicles.
1 minute afterward, the RPC-805-1 instance will acquire atopic dermatitis and the skin will gradually transform into tree bark
Following the complete loss of all body hair, the infected individual will then proceed to exhibit signs of atopic dermatitis, with dermal tissue peeling and hardening as it transforms into a compound similar to tree bark.
RPC-805-1 will become very nauseous and will collapse to the ground 2 to 3 minutes after becoming nauseous
(I have a suggestion, what if 805-1 instances find themselves 'drawn' to 805? They begin to make their way towards it before collapsing? 805, the Alpha tree, surrounded by poor fools who got infected.)
At this stage, the infected individual will become nauseous and delirious. Infected individuals will begin to move towards RPC-805, attempting to get as close as possible before collapsing.
The collapsed RPC-805-1 will slowly transform into a fully infected instance of RPC-805-1 and will have a similar appearance to the other RPC-805-1 instances
The final stage. Infected individuals will begin to sprout root-like appendages from their feet and their physiology changes vastly until they are indistinguishable from RPC-805, finally becoming a true instance of RPC-805-1.
More research on RPC-805-1 has led researchers to note that personnel who become full forms of RPC-805-1 are not deceased. RPC-805-1 can sense injury but cannot use any other human senses or be able to perform any human speech. Wounding an instance of RPC-805-1 will cause [REDACTED] this is assumed to be because of [DATA EXPUNDGED].
(Not sure if the 'redacted' and 'data expunged' is necessary but I guess it adds to the mystery?)
re-write: Supplementary research has revealed that instances of RPC-805-1 are not deceased and appear to retain their sense of touch. This makes instances of RPC-805-1 highly susceptible to pain. Unlike non-anomalous trees, instances of RPC-805-1 do not produce sap and instead produce a red colored substance similar to [REDACTED]. Wounding an instance of RPC-805-1 will cause [REDACTED], this is assumed to be because of [DATA EXPUNGED].
Discovery Log: On 12/12/2011 at approximately 8:24 AM a missing person report was ordered for 23-year-old Kelly Hollins who had gone missing while on a hiking trip near ██████, Alaska and was supposed to be hiking for a total of at least 3 to 4 hours but was gone for 2 hours longer than expected. Other missing person reports similar to this one had been recorded in the past 3 months. Police had searched for Ms. Hollins for a total of 9 hours before one officer began to feel an extreme fever and excessively sweating. At this rate, the Authority became involved and took the officer into custody for further research. After an hour of research, an instance of RPC-805-1 was left in the chamber the officer was held in. RPC-805-1 afterward had been closely examined by researchers and after taking a chunk of bark from the RPC-805-1 instance blood leaked from where the bark had been. The Authority shortly after decided to completely quarantine the ██████ forest where all the missing person reports had been coming from. The anomalous properties of the area were later discovered by the Authority. The officer's family and Ms. Hollins' family had to be informed that they both had gone missing and had been presumed to be deceased.
(My main problem with this discovery log is it feels too cluttered and drawn out. It has details that feel unneeded. For example, we don't need to know how long Kelly was going to go hiking for. It is irrelevant information that just adds bloat. I'd suggest simplifying it. Also, tons of people go missing each year. The Authority would not care if Kelly vanished unless she was a person of interest. WHAT IF…. Kelly was a suspected Church of Malthus operative and RPC was keeping tabs on her? She goes missing, so of course they'd look into it.)
re-write suggestion: RPC-805 first came to the Authority's attention on 12/12/2011 after a missing person's report was filed for one Kelly Hollins, a suspected affiliate of The Church of Malthus. According to local law enforcement in ██████, Alaska, Ms. Hollins had last been seen entering the ██████ forest by herself, presumably on a hiking trip. Despite several warnings from the local populace, Ms. Hollins proceeded to enter the forest and would eventually turn up missing.
Several hours later, a missing person's report was filed by concerned family members and a local search party comprised of police officers and volunteers was activated. Given Ms. Hollin's suspected affiliation with a hostile group of interest, this prompted Authority assets to launch their own investigation, which would eventually lead to the discovery of RPC-805 at the center of the ██████ forest.
Approximately █ members of the search party were infected by RPC-805 prior to the Authority's intervention.
Addendum 805-1: During the close examination of RPC-805 an odd symbol had been carved into the trunk of it. The symbol was identified as a circle with a human in the middle baring multiple appendages similar to the Church of Malthus emblem. After this small encounter, the Authority presumes the virus was created by the Church of Malthus and genetically modified RPC-805 to be able to infect humans. The reason why it was created is still unknown but investigations are still ongoing.
(I like this addendum, the idea is great! Malthus carving their symbol into RPC-805. I would suggest maybe adding a quote too, maybe something someone carved into the tree? Herman Hesse was a writer who had some memorable tree quotes. I included it below:)
re-write suggestion: Upon initial examination of RPC-805, it was discovered that an epitaph had been carved into the base of its trunk. Carved alongside this epitaph was a symbol commonly affiliated with The Church of Malthus. The Epitaph reads as follows:
Trees are sanctuaries. Whoever knows how to speak to them, whoever knows how to listen to them, can learn the truth. They do not preach learning and precepts, they preach, undeterred by particulars, the ancient law of life.
Other suggestions (optional): Look up 'red tree sap' on google/CC images. Might find something good to use for the 'description' part. Not needed but additional visuals are nice.
These trees produce an infectious
Change to the anomaly
pricked by a pine needle or a splinter even if the needle is not attached to RPC-805 itself
This sentence is a tad confusing Perhaps end it at splinter and have a footnote stating that the pine needle doesn't need to be attached to the tree
human through a single touch
Change to human to human via physical contact
a total of (5) stages
Remove the parentheses
finally becoming a true instance of RPC-805-1
Why have this here if they just end up being another instance of RPC-805? Does that make it a "true" instance (noting that that phrasing doesn't feel clinical anyways) of the anomaly sub-registration or just another one?
General thoughts are as follows; another transformation body horror article that doesn't feel like it does anything too unique with its concept. The tie to Malthus felt absolutely unnecessary. What about this is in relation to the "rapid evolution and progress of the human race"? If anything this feels like a set back to mankind as a whole by making them sedentary, emotionless, thoughtless beings in the forest. The little note at the end just felt like a small attempt to do something deep and it just felt… meh to me. Were you trying to do a "don't mess with nature" theme? I like the sounds of that but if that was your goal then this is not how you do it.
Overall just a very weak article. 1/5
So I'm not good with grammar but I think the article is fine right now but to other people it's likely going to be lacking.
- Anomalous trees that turn people into wood are a common trope I believe, so I don't think it's going to be enough that people will be interested in it.
- Needs more connection to Church of Malthus so you should read up on that.
- Give more backstory I believe.
**Object Class**: ##red|Gamma-Red##
Considering switching from red to EB1C23 for the color code to match up with the color of the Red rating.
The perimeter is comprised of 6.7m tall concrete barriers topped with barbed wire.
barbed wires
Any instances of RPC-805-1 that are not in containment must be contained or terminated.
"The uncontained must be contained" is kinda redundant. Sentence can be shorten to just "Wild instances of RPC-805-1 must either be contained or terminated"
These pine trees have been identified to look similar to the Pinus Patula pine tree
Shorten to "These pine trees superficially resembles //Pinus Patula//."
A human being may be able to contract the virus
may be able to contract
The disease can also be spread from human to human via physical contact.
The contact hazards don't really makes sense. Why would human only need mere touch while the trees need to penetrate their skins. Change it to something like transmission through bodily fluids.
Infected individuals will claim to hear indiscernible whispers coming from RPC-805 and will begin to move towards it, attempting to get as close as possible before collapsing.
(*Don't explain it in the same sentence) But what would happen if the infected is nowhere near 805?
Supplementary research has revealed that instances of RPC-805-1 are not deceased and appear to retain their sense of touch. This makes instances of RPC-805-1 highly susceptible to pain.
You could have been more subtle with it like you did in the next sentence with the blood. Don't say it out loud and alludes to it. Things like "neuroimaging discovers continued brain activities in the instances"(Don't copy this literally) and the discovery of a nervous system and pain receptors and such.
Wounding an instance of RPC-805-1 will cause [REDACTED], this is assumed to be because of [DATA EXPUNGED].
I assume the redactions to be some sort of distressed reactions from -1s, which also begs the question why you don't just talks about it and instead hide it with redactions, which makes it way less interesting.
According to local law enforcement in ██████, Alaska
the Alaska State Troopers
missing person's report
missing person report
Approximately █ members of the search party were infected by RPC-805 prior to the Authority's intervention.
prior to the Authority's intervention Authority intervention
for their own personnel uses
for personal uses
This draft is much more well-written then the prior drafts. A rather plane idea but I can see a lot of work put into it.
I have revised my draft
Harold K Caztovski
Hyperhidrosis
Add a footnote for people who may not know what this is
Rereading this I like the structural improvements you gave this, however I still feel as if there is something lacking. Malthus using it for research purposes feel a bit better and the idea of someone sacrificing themselves for the cult is fine, but it still just feels a bit limited. Think: what could Malthus do with this? Some freaky biological augmentations could be interesting
Bumping my rating up to a 2 for the slight improvements, but I want to see you expand on this some more.
The anomaly produces an infectious pathogen that is capable of altering the biological structure of infected human subjects, ultimately transforming their physiology through anomalous methods.
A pathogen of what kind? Bacterial, viral, prionic, etc. or unspecified? I'd elaborate just a little, like;
"While the pathogen's presence is implied by the transmission method, it has not been isolated yet, and as such its type remains unidentified. Furthermore, its non-anomalous symptomatology is inconsistent with known pathogens."
A human being may contract the virus if bare skin were to be pricked by a pine needle2. The disease can also be spread from human to human via pine needles growing from the instance of RPC-805-1 or bodily fluids such as saliva, blood or mucus. Once infected, the victim is designated RPC-805-1.
The sentence structure here is a bit weird. Suggest integrating the underlined sentences and putting them at the start of the paragraph.
As of 201█, it is hypothesized that approximately ███ of the pine trees comprising the ███████ Forest are instances of RPC-805-1.
The redactions aren't really necessary here. They don't necessarily make the article harder to read, but they have some negative association that might just make the article look generally worse, depending on who reads it.
Individuals infected by RPC-805's pathogen will experience a total of 5 stages prior to becoming full instances of RPC-805-1. These include:
Suggestion:
"Instances of RPC-805-1 take around [X time] to fully develop from a regular human adult, undergoing the following five stages of the disease:"
Fever symptoms and severe Hyperhidrosis manifest approximately 5 minutes after initial contraction.
Fever is a symptom in of itself. "Fever symptoms" would imply that fever is a disease rather than a symptom.
Suggest footnote for Hyperhidrosis.
Symptoms of Alopecia begin to manifest approximately 15 minutes after initial contraction. The loss of body hair is immediately followed by the growth of pine needles and twigs from vacant hair follicles.
I think you should specify how long this phase lasts. By the way you're phrasing it, it could be as short as a few minutes or as long as literal years until the last hair drops.
Infected individuals will claim to hear indiscernible whispers coming from RPC-805 and will begin to move towards it
Are they always aware of the location of 805?
Infected individuals will begin to sprout root-like appendages from their feet and their physiology changes vastly until they are indistinguishable from RPC-805, finally becoming a true instance of RPC-805-1.
"Infected individuals undergo abrupt cell growth, sprouting root-like appendages from their feet, that attempt to burrow underground as they grow. Their physiology gradually changes, replacing skin with a novel tissue similar to chitin in composition, but outwardly identical to tree bark."
"Furthermore, bone tissue is quickly dissolved and incorporated into its surrounding muscular and cartilage tissues. The resulting mass hardens and develops the coloring and texture of wood."
I suggest you really expand this description and go into specifics for how exactly 805-1s work. Are organs unchanged? How do they adapt? If they can feel pain, then the brain is probably present, but where is it located? How do 805-1s feed?
How about blood vessels? Plants have an equivalent system, but it's divided into two parts that work differently (xylem and phloem). Does this mean that 805-1s have to differentiate between two blood vessel systems as well? Are 805-1s capable of performing photosynthesis and draining nutrients from the ground? If they can, then how did normal human organs develop into plant-like imitations?
What if the pathogen is unable to produce chlorophyll, and as such the leaves from 805-1s are basically made of normal skin, used to synthesize vitamin D? Wouldn't this eventually develop into cancer during basically every summer? Do 805-1s have a mechanism to resist it or do they just die?
This article could really benefit from inspiration from RPC-088. With scientifically accurate explanations, description of specific processes, etc. it could become a great piece.
The addenda and discovery are not particularly interesting to me as I don't care much about Malthus, but I would be interested in seeing how they are using these.
Well, it's obvious that you've workshopped the hell outta this, let's see what you've got.
[[include component:rate]]
Registered Phenomena Code: 805
Object Class: Gamma-Red
[[include component:hazards top-spacing=none|bio-hazard=true|contact=true]]
[[include component:hazards type=properties|organic=true]]
[[include component:image-block name=RPC-805|caption=RPC-805 surrounded by instances of RPC-805-1|align=right]]
Containment Protocols: A fortified perimeter spanning 26 km² has been established around the ███████ Forest near ██████, Alaska. The perimeter is comprised of 6.7m tall concrete barriers topped with barbed wire.
All personnel must refrain from coming into physical contact with RPC-805 and any instances of RPC-805-1. Wild instances of RPC-805-1 must either be contained contained how? I would clarify. or terminated ditto..
Researchers entering the perimeter must wear a full-body protection suit if this is an infection, what level of protection is needed? to prevent infection through contact with RPC-805 or RPC-805-1 instances.
CSD personnel will be tasked with entering RPC-805's perimeter and collecting any pine needles that may have fallen from RPC-805 or RPC-805-1. These pine needles will be collected through the use of backpack-mounted vacuums. All pine needles collected during the daily cleaning process must be incinerated as soon as possible. (Also wouldn't it be worth it to mention that the site has incinerators up and running?) In the event that any personnel comes into direct contact with pine needles, they are to be isolated and detained within the secured perimeter.
Description: RPC-805 refers to a group of pine trees1 located in the ███████ Forest near ██████, Alaska. The anomaly produces an infectious viral pathogen that is capable of altering the biological structure of infected human subjects, ultimately transforming their physiology through anomalous methods.
A human being may contract the virus through skin contact with needles shed by RPC-805. Infectees are designated RPC-805-1.2. Okay, question here- do splinters or pine needles have to piece the skin? Or can they infect just from contact? What if you ground up a pine needle and ate it? The disease can also be spread via human to human fluid contact.from human to human via pine needles growing from the instance of RPC-805-1 or bodily fluids such as saliva, blood, or mucus. (You've already stated that 805-1 needles are infectious, no need to repeat.) As of 201█, it is hypothesized that approximately 216 of the pine trees comprising the ███████ Forest are instances of RPC-805-1.
Instances of RPC-805-1 take around 35 minutes to fully develop from a regular human adult, Except that above you've stated that people infected are automatically designated as -1. Are they called that the moment they're infected, or the moment the symptoms run their course? undergoing the following five stages of the disease:
- Fever and severe hyperhidrosis3 manifest approximately 5 minutes after initial contraction.
- Symptoms of alopecia no footnote? begin to manifest approximately 15 minutes after initial infection and will last up to 10 minutes. The loss of body hair is immediately followed by the growth of pine needles and twigs from vacant hair follicles.
- Following the complete loss of all body hair, the infected individual will then proceed to exhibit signs of atopic dermatitis again, no footnote?, with dermal tissue peeling and hardening as it transforms into a compound similar to tree bark.
- At this stage, the infected individual will become nauseous and delirious. Infected individuals will claim to hear indiscernible whispers coming from RPC-805 and will begin to move towards it, attempting to get as close as possible before collapsing.
- Infected individuals undergo abrupt cell growth, sprouting root-like appendages from their feet, that attempt to burrow underground as they grow. Their physiology gradually changes, replacing skin with a novel tissue similar to chitin in composition, but outwardly identical to tree bark4. Wait, if the skin changed form in the previous step, why are you restating this again in different words? And why is the complete dissolving of the human skeleton in a footnote? That sounds pretty fucking important.
Supplementary research has revealed that instances of RPC-805-1 are not deceased and appear to retain their sense of touch. Neuroimaging of RPC-805-1 instances shows they are highly susceptible to pain. Unlike non-anomalous trees, instances of RPC-805-1 do not produce sap and instead produce a red substance visually? chemically? similar to blood similar in what way? Details, here.. Wounding an instance of RPC-805-1 will cause the instance to draw blood but you just said they don't bleed blood. and will begin to leak, this is assumed to be because each RPC-805-1 instance was originally human and the anatomy of RPC-805-1 allows blood to spread throughout the instance. This entire last sentence doesn't add anything. You're basically saying "things bleed because they have blood in them." Yes, we know this.
Discovery Log: RPC-805 first came to the Authority's attention on 12/12/2011 after a missing person's report was filed for one Kelly Hollins, a suspected affiliate of The Church of Malthus. According to the Alaska State Troopers in ██████, Alaska, Ms. Hollins had last been seen entering the ██████ forest by herself, presumably on a hiking trip. Despite several warnings from the local populace warnings about what? Did the locals know about the dangers of the forest? Did the state troopers? Why didn't the Authority know?, Ms. Hollins proceeded to enter the forest and would eventually turn up missing.
Several hours later, a missing person report was filed by concerned family members, and a local search party comprised of police officers and volunteers was activated Again, did they know the forest was dangerous?. Given Ms. Hollin's suspected affiliation with a hostile group of interest, this prompted Authority assets to launch their own investigation, which would eventually lead to the discovery of RPC-805 at the center geographic center? Be more specific. of the ██████ forest. Approximately █ members of the search party were infected by RPC-805 prior to the Authority's intervention. So the locals tell her not to go into the forest for… some reason, then they go in themselves and become infected? Why?
Addendum 805-1: Upon initial examination of RPC-805, it was discovered that a message had been carved into the base of its trunk. Except you've stated above that RPC-805 is a group of trees, not a single tree. The message is accompanied with a symbol (what symbol?) commonly associated with The Church of Malthus, which reads as follows:
Trees are sanctuaries. Whoever knows how to speak to them, whoever knows how to listen to them, can learn the truth. They do not preach learning and precepts, they preach, undeterred by particulars, the ancient law of life.
The Authority has presumed that the Church of Malthus has been collecting blood samples from the multiple instances of RPC-805-1 for undisclosed purposes.. How have they learned this from one woman entering the forest and disappearing. What happened to her?
Overall this is… okay? Tonally it's not bad, but it's missing a lot of fairly fundamental detail and the discovery story feels like it doesn't go anywhere. Keep working on it.
Footnotes
2. and is then designated RPC-805-1. Pine needles and splinters that are detached from RPC-805 and RPC-805-1 instances still carry the pathogen and remain infectious (for how long?)
3. Abnormally excessive sweating that is not necessarily related to heat or exercise. PUT PERIODS IN FOOTNOTES.
4. Furthermore, bone tissue is quickly dissolved and incorporated into its surrounding muscular and cartilage tissues. The resulting mass hardens and develops the coloring and texture of wood.
/forum/t-13689305/the-pine-virus#post-