RPC-222 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page RPC-222.

Little Book of Love - Agent Jasunen

JustAlways 05 Aug 2020 00:11

Author's Note: Agent Brian Jasunen's last name is pronounced (Ya-soo-nen).

Hey everyone! I just want to thank everyone who made this article possible (from both the RPC and SCP communities). There's far too many people to credit for helping me crit over the past few months. But the main source of help statistically, grammatically, as well as emotionally is Magic8Ball04 does not match any existing user name. He's been a good friend to me through this whole transfer process and I greatly appreciate that.

Also big thank you to TTPY and Prototype_Toaster for the officially documented crit on the forum! You guys rock!

The Forum Crit post: http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-13614019/little-book-of-love

Last edited on 06 Aug 2020 05:53 by JustAlways Show more

0ktober 05 Aug 2020 00:29

+ crit 

Official RPC-222 documentations are to be kept out of RPC-222-1's living quarters, failure to do so will result in reassignment.

First of all, this is a run-on sentence. Replacing the comma with a semicolon would solve that. Second, I'm confused by this. Is it saying that the documents are to be kept just outside the room? Or that there simply shouldn't be any documents in the room? This should be clearer.

He discovers RPC-222-1 and its father, Garret Havenson, in its hospital room. After a brief introduction, Agent Jasunen manages to get a private interview with RPC-222-1.

This should be in past tense.

There once a boy named Brian

I think you meant "once was"

//{She keeps the book open, moving over so Jasunen can take pictures as she reads.

Formatting error here

In the second collapsible, the doctor calls 222-1 "he" a lot. I assume this is an error. Either that or you're referring to someone else and it isn't very clear.

CSD's

There shouldn't be an apostrophe here.

She read to a couple of CSD's today, the recordings are in file 222-D.

I'd swap the comma for a semicolon or an em dash. (—)

This is a pretty wholesome story. It didn't blow me away, but the characters were believable and the interactions were fun to read. 4 stars

JustAlways 05 Aug 2020 01:00

Thank you very much!

+ crit response

Not much to respond to other than

In the second collapsible, the doctor calls 222-1 "he" a lot. I assume this is an error. Either that or you're referring to someone else and it isn't very clear.

The only time Sarah refers to anyone as "he" it's in regards to the male junior researcher that 222-1 read to, or in regards to her father. I didn't find any instances where it's referring to Kaylee. Sorry for the misinterpretation, I thought I made it clear in the entries who she's referring to. Sorry about that ^^;

I didn't write it to blow anyone away necessarily. Just wrote it to write it you know?

Last edited on 05 Aug 2020 01:01 by JustAlways Show more

H F Dummie 05 Aug 2020 02:58

A cliched idea with lots of potential that seemed to go directionlessly. This coupled with the formatting and tone has forced me to 2 it.

Sorry.

JustAlways 05 Aug 2020 03:01

It's alright. It's not meant to be super deep atm and it still has that potential. I'll be working on some supplementary stuff for it once I'm done with a project I've been working on, so don't think that it's over yet. And I didn't think it was clichéd 😅

Last edited on 05 Aug 2020 03:09 by JustAlways Show more

Commander Vil Kleist 10 Aug 2020 00:04

I like this article. +5

Hey author, any plans to make a tale about romance-related tales about this RPC?

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O/

JustAlways 10 Aug 2020 00:59

I do! Someday it'll happen. Just gotta be hit by the inspiration bug!

GrammerPoliseCheif 17 Aug 2020 08:44

This is your first article? It's some pretty good stuff. Nice and straight to the point.

*****

JasonMakesManhattens 28 Jun 2021 03:06

Outstanding

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Such is life in the Soviet Union

*****

(account deleted) 12 Oct 2022 20:10

Romance and confic done right. 5/5 story

onefullydone 05 Sep 2023 05:40

The illusion that RPC-222-1 resides within a hospital is to be maintained at all times.

Now I don't know how Authority facilities exactly look like, but I think even a 9 year old girl would find it hard to believe she is in a hospital. I mean, I don't think a hospital would have prison-like cells, people in orange jumpsuits, super tough security, and be in the middle of nowhere.

RPC-222 is a 9.00 x 6.00 x 1.50 inches,

Authority uses metric, not imperial.

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Overall, not a fan of this one. The concept as a whole is very cliche, which brings it down a lot for me. When I go to read an RPC, I expect something weird/new/interesting. This isn't any of that, its something that could easily be found in a Disney-type broadcast. If I wanted to see this kind of premise, I would go watch Disney. Everything just felt predictable, no twist in here.

It didn't completely bore me out, it had its amusing moments in the addenda. But it isn't something I would recommend to another reader. 2 stars.