The upper portion of RPC-XXX will begin accelerate
Begin to accelerate
of extra-terrestrial organism
organisms
are composed of chitin-like exoskeleton
Add a footnote for chitin to explain what it is. I think the average reader would not understand what it is and need a reference.
Atrax robustus.
Just say spiders/arachnids
via the many hole
holes
connect themselves to orifaces
orifices
I hate space but I liked this. Very interesting piece about a dying species trying to make their way through the vast unknown. My only issue is a very tiny nit picky one but I don't like the "Unknown" object class. It shows lethality upon approach so give it a Red. Aside from that, I can't really think of any reason to dislike this so 5/5 from me.
Before we start, I think you should be able to put some danger level to it based on its capabilities.
Containment Protocols:
Contact with the inhabitants of RPC-XXX is to be conducted via probe.
In what way? Radio signals? Other electrical signals? Because unless the ship has some kind of atmosphere sound can't travel.
Description:
RPC-XXX are ovoid spacecraft
ovoid shaped*
spacecrafts
All RPC-XXX instances measure a length of 800 meters in its longest measurement and 500 meters in its shortest.
What about width and shit?
60,000 km/hr without using RPC-XXX-B.
without the use of*
The exterior of RPC-XXX are composed
The exterior of RPC-XXX instances are composed*
some form of repulsive matter designated RPC-XXX-A
an unknown form of repulsive matter*
Objects traveling in a trajectory toward
towards*
Objects traveling in a trajectory toward an RPC-XXX instance and make contact with its exterior will be violently repulsed by the material composing the spacecraft.
Objects traveling in a trajectory towards an RPC-XXX instance, and that make contact with its exterior, will be violently repulsed by the material composing the spacecraft.*
Does this mean the entire spaceship is made of an singular material or is it just covered by it?
F=(2)(α+m(a))
ok lets do some math.
Lets say, for example, and for the sake of the hypotetical argument, we have 5000 cm3 of iron (which has a density of 7.874 g/cm3 and we end up with a mass of 39.370 grams.
So lets say its travelling at 120 m/s2 with an angular acceleration of idk, 120 rad/sec? Bullet speed kinda
F=(2)(120m/s2+39.370g(120 rad/sec)) which would end up at 9449040 newtons if I did it correctly. Which is really a fucking ton, like 1062,11 tons of force to be correct.
Given that you said this spaceship is supposedly made of this material it would be able to fucking produce infinite amounts of energy just by existing breaking all laws of physics.
In another note, its kinda wierd to use angular acceleration give that this is in space?
There is a lot of issues with this, you can either fix it, or build on it! Whatever you want
RPC-XXX is able to accelerate to superluminal speeds through RPC-XXX-B.
Oh boy, if the last thing wasn't quite the lot to examine this is gonna be more
Aside from breaking all laws of physics again, given that you would need an infinite amount of energy to acomplish such task in the vaccum of space (which idk chief, may it comes from the other law breaking material the ship is made of) and because of time dilation as you get closer and closer to the speed of light, at one point (100% the speed of ligh) if you travel to point A to point B, no time would have passed for the ship, but an infinite amount of time would have happened to the rest of the universe.
And if you start going above the speed of light (double the speed of light in this case) this would stop working as an efficient spaceship and instead be a super time machine with a 1 way ticket to the start of the universe.
And im not even gonna go on the several paradoxes this would entail, so yeah, you should expand on those concepts and not make them one-liners.
Glitch Drive
Im sorry but this is just a very silly name.
When the Glitch Drive is activated, the ACS of the ship will begin to lower. Instantaneously, the lower portion of RPC-XXX will disappear and remanifest at an unknown location. The upper portion of RPC-XXX will begin to accelerate toward the location of the lower portion at superluminal speeds.
What?
You say "lower" but never specify by how much, and idk how would ACS would affect this in any way? And as for the second part wouldn't this act more as a teleporting mechanism than something that travels at light speed?
And this doesn't make sense because it should "the internal coherency of the ship" because you are saying "The Anderson Coherency Scale lowers" and that is uhhhhhhhhh, wierd.
Species Name: Xenoran
Kingdom: Anamalia
idk if you meant Animalia or something fictional.
If its the former, how does an alien species belong to a kingdom native to earth? And it its the latter, mind explaining how do they know that? Given its a singular species?
The probe was taken into RPC-XXX-01 via a hole that formed below the probe.
You mean hole below the ship or something?
Update-XXX-A:
On ██/██/████, a total of thirty-five RPC-XXX instances appeared around the AEDFS Nomadic.
So there is at least 35 of this 800 meter long ultra spaceships????
if the alien vessel did not activate its Glitch Drive and accelerated away from the Nomadic. The fleet of RPC-XXX followed said craft by entering RPC-XXX-B. After the fleet disappeared, the Code Red was recalled and all non-essential personnel were placed back in cryostasis.
So despite there having been a Code Red, which I guess resulted in at least some surrounding of the RPC-XXX ships, nothing was destroyed while they escape at 2c?
Update-XXX-B:
A large chunks of the craft were absent as if a large entity had bitten into the ship.
So you are implying there is also a big ass creature that just exists somewhere in space and can eat ships that travel at the speed of light?
Objects:
Object 002 [DATA EXPUNGED] Terminated.
Why even have it here if you won't bother writing what it was, and what, was it terminated by the prove itself?
A 1 x 1 m section of the interior of the derelict RPC-XXX instance containing several glyphs theorized to be the language of the Xenoran.
I think this alone merits for them to be sapient in some level, and is there no follow up for trying to decode it?
+ Object 001 File
Branch: Astrobiology
I don't really see why there needs to be a branch for biology found in outer space
Aside from that this is a cool part of the article
Object 006:
Aside from the fact that there is now a giant snake that can travel at light speed possibly aware of our existance, it was also fine
Final Review:
It has issues, many issues, but I don't dislike the article
You should just drop one-liners of subjects you could expand on and make it all more interesting, I would also like to see attempts to communicate with this entities.
You need to work a lot on it, as of now 3/5 stars.
Aight, you asked my crit. Here's all I have.
Containment Protocol
Found no mistake. Good job on that.
Description
add the word "multiple" so I know that there's more than one of these things
"RPC-XXX are multiple"
ovoid shaped
ovoid-shaped
determined by the mass, and acceleration.
remove the comma. It not necessary.
anomalous superluminal travel, that neglects
again, remove the comma. It not necessary.
RPC-XXX instances designated the
add comma after "instances". "RPC-XXX instances, designated the"
instance arrives to its location,
change "to" to "at"
a carbon based
a carbon-based
Species Name: Xenoran
During the examination of the vessel the probe
add a comma after "vessel"
During the examination of the vessel, the probe
Update-XXX-A
which resulted the activation
add "in" after "resulted"
Update-XXX-B
via the many hole
holes
A unmanned
An
Object 006
This haze seems to blot out many stars within in it.
remove the "in". It's not necessary.
That's all I have. Hope that'll useful for you.
The AEDFS Nomadic is not to approach any RPC-XXX instance. Probes are to be released from the Nomadic in order to examine RPC-XXX instances. Probes are to orbit RPC-XXX instances without making physical contact with the exterior of the crafts. Contact with the inhabitants of RPC-XXX is to be conducted via drones.
"The AEDFS Nomadic is not to approach any RPC-XXX instance, instead deploying remotely-controlled probes for examination and contact with its inhabitants. Probes are not to physically contact the exterior of any RPC-XXX instance."
RPC-XXX are ovoid shaped spacecrafts of extra-terrestrial origin
Nitpick: "Extra-solar" is more specific.
All RPC-XXX instances measure a length of 600 meters in its longest measurement and 400 meters in its shortest.
"RPC-XXX instances measure 600 meters at their longest and 400 at its shortest."
RPC-XXX instances travel at an average speed of 60,000 km/hr without the use of RPC-XXX-B.
But you said they can FTL
Objects traveling in a trajectory towards an RPC-XXX instance, and that make contact with its exterior, will be violently repulsed by the material composing the spacecraft.
"Any object impacting RPC-XXX-A will be violently repulsed."
The extra energy produced by RPC-XXX-A breaks all known laws of physics.
It doesn't, because there's a shitton of universal laws that don't refer to motion or energy. Just say "second law of thermodynamics"
RPC-XXX-B is a method of highly anomalous superluminal travel, that neglects the phenomena of time dilation, utilized by RPC-XXX to reach speeds of 2c2
This makes no sense. Just say RPC-XXX-B is the engine, and that it reaches speeds of 2c.
RPC-XXX-B is hypothesized to occur due to a mechanism hidden within all RPC-XXX instances designated the “Xenoran-Distortion Drive”.
How do they know this name? How is it "hidden" instead of just present?
the reality around the ship and the path between it’s destined location will become distorted.
"reality around the ship, as well as between its destined location and it"
this has got to have some serious side effects on literally everything.
Instantaneously, around 100 meters of the lower portion of RPC-XXX will disappear and remanifest at the destined location. The upper portion of RPC-XXX will begin to accelerate toward the location of the lower portion at superluminal speeds. Once the RPC-XXX instance arrives to its location, all reality distortions will become to dissipate.
100 meters? You mean square meters?
"The upper portion then begins to accelerate towards the lower. Once it arrives to the lower portion, all reality distortions caused by its travel method will dissipate."
RPC-XXX appears to be inhabited by a carbon based species of sapient organisms designated ‘Xenoran’. Information on the Xenoran can be found below:
"RPC-XXX are inhabited by a carbon-based sapient species designated "Xenoran"
Where does that name come from? It's not scientific, but it's clearly rooted in human language.
A proboscis-like appendage can be seen attached to the head
Attached means that it was originally not part. Is this intended?
The torso of the organisms is heavily plated by its chitin-like exoskeleton.
but you said they're composed of chitin
The vessel made it a distance of 1 AU before activating the vessel’s Xenoran-Distortion Drive. An RPC draft was drafted by Dr. Amanda Kim and Amy Yang and transmitted back to Site-019 and uploaded to the Authority database.
draft was drafted
vessel […] activating the vessel
The message is theorized to be fully decoded on 01/01/████.
how can they predict/expect when to decode it? why is the date redacted?
I think this is kind of a mess, mostly due to ESL issues. I don't know how to fix them exactly without rewriting the whole article on my own. Look for redundancies specifically.
Other than that, it's okay, but not super compelling. The threat/basilisk is never given enough size, and its clear depiction as a living being makes it considerably less impactful. The methods used to present it are similarly lacking, and feel somewhat generic and unoriginal. Something more cryptic in meaning but clear in intent and emotion would help in this regard.