The Cartoon Hat RPC
The Cartoon Hat RPC
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standard level 4 storage unit
Capitalize "level"
for testing purposes.
Don't forget to cross-out "for"
if it ever falls into Authority custody.
Change "if it" to "in the event RPC-XXX"
custody
You could also use "possession" here, which I think might be more clinical tone.
who have found a way to contain it more successfully due to better familiarity with it
This doesn't sound quite right.
and as exchange for the neutralisation of PoI-4987.
Drop the "and"
Change "as exchange" for "in exchange"
Misspelled "neutralization"
1940 animated Disney film, Fantasia
Italicize Fantasia
or using scissors
I think "or through cutting tools" sounds more clinical.
RPC-XXX alters the function and nature of local physical reality to maximise its apparent dramatic or comedic impact. This is characterised by the sudden malleability of previously-solid objects, greatly reduced effects of solid impacts on objects, and the sudden ability of objects of strikingly different sizes to fit within or underneath each other.
I would take this out of the footnote and put it into the description.
Misspelled "characterized" and "maximize"
through continuous use
"from continuous use"
A subject's behaviour will generally start becoming more reckless alongside the development of depersonalisation disorder.4
"Subjects will generally begin to engage more in reckless behavior, and start to develop symptoms of depersonalization disorder."
Subjects are essentially able to pull out any object
Maybe replace "essentially" with "theoretically"
they must be in a situation
What situation?
and appear only capable of pulling out the object required to fix or at the very least believed to be what could fix that situation.
Maybe try "pulling out an object that will remedy, or presumably remedy, that situation"
appears to not apply allowing the wearer to pull out items
"appears to have no bearing on the ability of the user to retrieve the item from RPC-XXX"
, and subjects
Maybe break up this long sentence here. Capitalize "Subjects" for a new sentence.
a random amount of objects
You could also put "an infinite amount of objects"
this effect is also common for those that understand RPC-XXX's anomalous properties.
This kind of makes the beginning of this sentence seem redundant. If anyone is capable of doing it, just say that.
is able to go from one place to another without making physical movement.
"is able to teleport from one place to another without locomotive movement" [Moving your mouth to speak is technically physical movement]
briefly disappear for a brief period of time
Drop "briefly" or say "briefly disappear for a short period of time"
transmutate
I'm not sure if just "mutate" would be better here. I think its fine, but maybe see if another reviewer says anything about it.
to which point
"at which point"
anomaly. Operative Parker
Change period to a comma, and lowercase "operative"
donned on
Drop "on"
and grabbed
"grabbing"
immediately heal all wounds sustained.
He did more than that, he came back from the dead. Unless you meant that Parker was "critically" injured in the prior sentence, which would make this right.
Upon the other objects coming out the line of sight, they immediately vanished.
Out of his line of sight? Unless there's no cameras in the room, someone would be looking at the test room I would suppose.
the requested object
What was it?
to which it exploded causing 3 casualties.
"causing 3 casualties when it exploded." I laughed at that.
Immediately, a tranquilliser dart was shot from CSD-20392's blind spot in order to put them to sleep and retrieve RPC-XXX as an order was given that all tests with RPC-XXX were to be cancelled when it was deemed to be too dangerous.
I would think the Authority would just open the door at this point and tell him the experiment is over instead of this dart stuff. Why would they have that set up in the room if they didn't know the test would be cancelled?
Because of this, a joint operation between MI13 Tactical Agents and MST Juliet-9 Aperture's Subjects.
"a joint operation between…was established/formed"
however we want the anomaly.
Isn't that was Dr. Zimmerman was already offering them when he said "you'd be equipped to handle it."?
keep away from dash-one.
What does this mean?
Remember earlier when you made that joke?
I certainly don't remember, when did he make that joke?
This is a creative idea, there are a lot wacky things that could be done as far as maybe more tests logs, or maybe more ways that people died cartoonishly from the original creator. I haven't seen Roger Rabbit in a long time, but that is certainly a great source of inspiration to help you flesh out the article.
The mystery behind the creator didn't really work for me, because it didn't really lead anywhere other than somehow justifying MI13 keeping the hat instead of the Authority (which in that case, shouldn't this be an MI13 file instead? I think this is fine, but check the Lore team to be sure). I was confused on the ending because I didn't quite get what was happening after the guy took the hat off the CSD. All of a sudden J-3 is dead but I thought he just ran off with the hat.
As a reader, I would like at least some more clues of the backstory, and more examples of mayhem. Just an idea, but you could also say more about operator Parker using the hat to stop the unrelated anomaly. Since it's supposed to give you the right tool for the situation, we didn't get to see what tool Parker ultimately pulled out. Good luck!
/forum/t-13561019/the-cartoon-hat-rpc#post-