First tab, and thanks for the crit!
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/8ismo1
Moved to a different sandbox:
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/8ismo2
Object class:
Capitalization
Should an instance be unseen for any longer than an hour
any longer than an hour
In case of a breach, a Site announcement is to be released over the P.A. system, asking to pay attention to any sightings of celebrities appearing on-site.
This line can simply be reduced to "During the containment breach, all personnel are to be alerted for any appearence of celebrities on-site."
Should employees use canisters such as cups, glasses or similar objects, they are advised to attempt ignore the memetic effect of RPC-XXX, and capture the instance by placing the canister between the legs of the memetic illusion.
This line can simply be reduced to "Personnel attempting to recontain an RPC-XXX instance are to be made aware of the memetic nature of said instance, and are advised to capture the instance by placing a canister between the legs of the memetic illusion"
unless a An-S007-XXX-I announcement is in effect.
an An-S007-XXX-I announcement
If I receive one more email explaining to me how Tango-5 is not appropriate
I believed you mis-designated Tango-17 as Tango-5
I realize that RPC-XXX is not an arachnid, but until we get the green light for creating additional MSTs
I realized that RPC-XXX is not an arachnid, but until we get the greenlight to create an addition MST
fully sized
fully-sized
It was firstly believed
firstly previously / initially
arrived to
at
successfully recaptured
was successfully recaptured
This was proven otherwise
This was proven to be false
more reports have arrived claiming to have seen RPC-XXX's illusion
more reports recieved of personnel claiming to have seen RPC-XXX's illusion
a subject will perceive any instance that appears next as the previous one's illusion
you should clarify this statement. "as the form that was previously assumed by the previous instance"
it is now required to mark by color RPC-XXX specimen that are in containment
it is now required that all contained instances of RPC-XXX be marked.
human shaped silhouettes
human-shaped silhouettes
one of the barracks' food supplies.
food supply storage
which would not cause problems with her work capacity.
with to
Personnally I think you could have format it a bit better, placing the image block right below the rate module instead of placing in-between the object class and hazards and such.
A minimum of 6 instances
With a 3:1 male to female ratio
You wouldn't exactly be able to keep a 3:1 ratio with just 6 instances, so maybe bump the number up to 8? If the ratio was taking into account of potential growth of number of instances they should then 6 shouldn't be used as reference point for the ratio, further more what measures would be taken if the number of male or female instances exceeds the expected ratio.
standard issue bug terrarium, with the addition of a protective non-transparent screen being used instead of glass or plastic.
These 2 lines contridicts themselves as the the terrarium is clearly modified.
a subject will perceive any instance that appears next as the previous one's illusion
This brings into question of how such illusion works in situations like the discoveries with the 40 instances of the RPC. Do the person "registers" each of their forms base on their location? If it is entirely dependant on the perception of the person does that mean confusion over what they're seeing could potentially alter what they see?
it is now required to mark by color RPC-XXX specimen that are in containment
Marking an RPC-XXX by color wouldn't really help if they escape, the only way you would know it reproduced is only if the re-captured instance isn't marked with color
Officer Carlson reported seeing multiple human shaped silhouettes lurking near the MST barracks.
Your explaination of the anomaly is poor, as you previously stated that any form of partial obstruction of the anomaly would be enough to disable its illusion, including "darkness", if so, this couldn't have happened
ASF members that have bound Officer Carlson with duct tape to his bed's mattress and thrown him outside the barracks the following night as "a way of thanking him for setting them on a wild goose chase in the middle of a night" were reprimanded.
This is both out of place and cartoonish.
Regular assignment and reassignment to Site-007 now requires the knowledge of the physical appearance of The Beatles, achieved by handing a picture of them along with regular documentation upon joining the site. Pictures of the band members are also to be hanged on the entrance of RPC-XXX's containment chamber, as well as on every entrance and exit between site facilities.
I think a more subtle way to achieve wider knowledge of the Beatles is to just encourage the culture of them within the Site, possibly in recreational areas. The current method just sound like North Korea where potraits of their great leader is everywhere.
At multiple points you attempted at humor, all of which fall flat, at worst they felt so out of place such as the instance where the ASF childishly ducktaped the Officer. The twist did added to the anomaly and explored what would happened if someone doesn't know the Beatles see the RPC. But that's about it to the article.
Perhaps you should read SCP-1247 to see if there are ways you can expand on it.
"appearing as them during the period from 1960 to 1970"
Since you mentioned the beatles by name previously, you could change out the "them" and reedit it to something like:
"wearing 1960 to 1970 period consistent attire" (i might've gone way too far with that but this is just an idea)
"after incident an incident this theory has been disproved"
did you mean "after incident-X this theory has been disproved" or "after an Incident this theory has been disproved"?
"the closest logical approximation under his current understanding of reality."
change the "his" to "their". no preivous mention of a test subject being male so keeping it gender neutral helps remove confusion
apart from a bit of clinical weirdness in the descrption, VERY nice work mate. Prime Academy material right here.
Oh man, this is a weird ass format
Should an instance be unseen for longer than an hour
Should any instance remain unsupervised for a period longer than an hour*
without the assistance of Protection staff
wouldn't "without the assistance of ASF units (or security personnel)" make more sense?
it is to be captured and recontained by any tools available.
idk if you meant "it is to be captured and recontained with any tools available." or "it is to be captured and recontained by any means available."
and health risks
and health hazards* (Think it sounds better)
Staff are still required to report these eliminations
I think "terminations" is still the more clinical term
of eliminations they have conducted.
Same with this
RPC-XXX is a collective designation
is the collective*
that has the anomalous effect of appearing as fully-sized members of the rock band "The Beatles".
that possesses the anomalous property of appearing as*
Illusions will usually be in black or gray suits the band members have used in their performances, with some rare variations.
I think "Instances will usually be shown wearing black or gray…" as "Illusions" doesn't sound too clinical
It was initially believed that an instance is restricted to one form
It was initially believed any individual instance was restricted to one form*
but after an incident this theory has been disproved
but after an incident, (you could explain which) this theory was been disproved
the testing that followed
Capitalize "The"
Apart from the anomalous ability and a slower reproduction rate
Apart from its anomalous properties (please never use "ability" when describing an anomaly) and a slower than usual reproduction rate*
Also footnotes should go after commas and periods imo
police in Greater Manchester was notified
were notified* (Since this already occured, past tense)
and was mobilized
and subsequently mobilized
on-site
Sometimes you say On-Site and sometimes on-site
You should pick one
IntS-007XXX//Tavish Bulcanan
Why does the quoteblock at the start have the Acedemy logo? I see no reason why it should be there
Staff living in the area is encouraged
are encouraged*
and show them a group picture of its members The presence
missed a period
Upgrade to Alpha-Yellow is pending approval.
Its still Alpha-White at the top, you could have it crossed out and a footnote explaing why
Btw, your footnote collapsible is kinda broken
It was kino, short, but good
I don't have much to say aside from the quoteblock problem and the heavy accent.
