http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/dummie-s-sandbox-of-infinite-wonders
6.3k words. Beware before entering. Hopefully all are riveting.
The format is incomplete and will be fixed soon. Will also add pics soon.
Questions:
Is the pacing ok? What was rushed or bogged down?
Was the "twist" good and foreshadowed?
Containment protocals:
is currently guarded
Only ever use currently if you expect it to change in the foreseeable future. like if you expect the location of the entrance to move or get bigger, but that's only if the anomaly changes size or teleports semi-regularly.
Description:
pillars. While RPC-194 largely resemble naturally formed cave systems with
pillars. While RPC-194
also, this sentce uses "RPC-194" as a plural. to fix this try "RPC-194 largely resembles a naturally formed cave system with"
passageways, only
passageways. Only
passageway remains past
passageway remains extends/continues past
increase in temporal entropy within
entropy is a function energy where energy is spread evenly throughout an area. the word entropy does not fit here. I think the phrase you are looking for might be "Significant Space-Time dilation experienced in the area" or "QQQQQ"
area, an effect that is believed to be responsible for the hexagonal rock pillars above RPC-194
"area, as well as the hexagonal pillars surrounding it." or " area, as well as the hexagonal pillars located above ground."
this sentence does not belong in its own paragraph.
The entrance to RPC-194 is also hosting a secondary effect of RPC-194(designated RPC-194-1) with individuals entering RPC-194 being able to perceive a vocal statement being made in the individual's first language. It is unknown how RPC-194 transmits this vocalization as decibel meters suggest that no sounds are transmitted.
rewrite this whole section. "All persons who have entered the mouth of the tunnel system report to hear Bla Bla Bla. The nature of this effect is not yet understood as all Bla Bla Bla no sounds are transmitted."
What ever you write just remember that you are writing an official document. Make it as short and simple to understand as you can. Describe one piece. Describe it clearly and with as few run-on sentences as possible. Then go to the next paragraph, and explain the next piece.
So, this was a pretty good RPC in my opinion. I enjoyed reading through the story of the multiple explorations, but a few things confused me.
First, why did the incapacitation not effect the MST members who dragged the ones in pain away?
Second, is 194-2 something being contained or not? Because reaching her seemed to make time go by as if one second to the divers was one day to the outside.
Third, so the massive facility they found has rocks that mess with space and time? Then why are the rocks built into the walls?
Other than these questions I really enjoyed reading through the full thing.
Hazard Types:
Fill this blank.
► RPC:/194/requests/jun_83.log ◄
► Access RPC:/194/explorationlogs/220683.pdf ◄
Needs 1 enter between these collapsible.
5/194 CREDENTIALS REQUIRED:" hide=5/194 CREDENTIALS CONFIRMED. WELCOME.
Needs to be fixed, as insert " at next of "hide=".
3 hours from command's perspective.
Can you have "the" before "command's perspective"?
Herr ok.
Wong ok.
Valle ok.
Central ok.
Are Valle and Central names? I wonder if "," is there…
has proven effective on countering this effect.
effective in?
If 194 is capable of doing temporal fuckery to it's surroundings, does that mean you guys are also affected by temporal fuckery?
Yes.
"it's" can change to "its"
Are we also getting temporal fuckery from you guys.
Yeah.
Isn't that dangerous?
"guys." is different here. You mean, "guys?"
Disclaimer: This is an overall conceptual critique, not necessarily a line-by-line breakdown.
I hope my critique is able to help you figure out what isn't quite working in the current draft. The premise of a secret underground facility by an unknown group could be a solid article if a couple things get corrected and reworked. As to your questions, the pacing seemed fine, but the ending I don't think was foreshadowed very well.
My first impressions after reading through the draft were not positive. The central anomaly was not presented in a satisfying way, often due to poor dialogue or leaps of logic in the narrative. I would first recommend working through the logic of the anomaly: how it functions, why it exists, and what are the consequences from it. Once that logic is established, the story that comes from exploring it will be a lot more clear and satisfying.
First off, the document reveals that this is an artificial cave system with these hexagonal lava pillars, and the Authority, from their explorations, theorizes these pillars are the product of the temporal hazard. There is a minor issue here: If the cave system is artificial, then the Authority knows that the anomaly isn't the cave, its the facility. They don't figure that out until they find out who built it in the last interview. So if the description is written before that point, they wouldn't know its artificial yet.
It is said the pillars are the product of the temporal hazard generating entropy. But we know from one of the logs, that this entropy isn't a static displacement of time, it is dynamic: That was shown when the MST operative disappeared then reappeared. Why wouldn't then those columns turn back into lava at some points?
In the first exploration log, I don't understand why the operatives wouldn't wait for the second MST team to show up. There isn't an immediate need established to unilaterally investigate. Also, you don't need to put in the mic checks, you can just jump straight to the important dialogue. The dialogue here could use some work too: like they should know spikes in caves (unless these aren't rock formations) are referred to stalagmites if on the ground, and stalactites if on the ceiling. They take samples of these rocks, but as far as I remember, nothing ever happens with these samples - were they the same as normal rocks found in Hong Kong or not? [ I did laugh at the "more fucking caves" line though, so good one there. ]
A big issue I have is when the operatives return to the cave the second time. If the Authority found out that they were anomalously affected being in the cave, why wouldn't they contain them until the effects wore off? There is no indication given that this was done, they just get sent back. If they were still under the temporal effects, they could have jeopardized the mission by effecting equipment beforehand. [ I would assume if you wanted to test their effects with an atomic clock, you would have them in an isolated cell with an atomic clock and on the outside a second clock and just see if there's a change in time. ]
At this point also, why isn't the Authority sending in CSDs for this type of work? They know at this point the anomaly is a temporal hazard, there's no reason to risk the MST operatives' lives by sending them in there, which is exactly what happens later on. Again the dialogue in the second exploration needs some patching up, because it does not sound professional. I get that the operatives may start cursing if there's something that scares them or they get injured, but dropping "fuckery" over to command just broke my immersion.
More minor things: There's a line that says you shave time off your life being there, but no evidence has been provided to show that - did the operatives from '72 grow older or something? We know their stuff did, like one of their houses, but nothing was said about them getting older than normal.
The mechanics behind the disembodied voice warning was also confusing. It was getting angrier when they approached the plaque than when it was at the entrance, but where was it coming from, the hologram woman who was in the orange chest? Is there a speaker somewhere hidden in the cave, and how would it know if there's a human being entering it as opposed to an animal?
When the agents find the hallway after chiseling through the rock, they said it looked older than the cave. I don't know how a highly industrialized structure would look older than volcanic rocks, I would assume the structure would be newer, built into the rock than the other way around.
The plaque itself is just another item that I did not understand. At a certain point, the people behind the anomaly, who put in that voice warning, are now fine if people decide to go further into the cave?
Why didn't the Authority test the crystals first before sending in the MST operatives? When the agent cuts a piece off his suit to test the time dilation effects, this test should have already been done before through testing. What if something goes wrong and he's the only MST operative left? Well because he decided to cut a hole in his suit, that may be the death of the entire team.
Leaving the equipment for the frogmen within the anomaly that messes with time and warps items to becoming older than they are supposed to just strikes me as an unrealistic option. The frogmen team could just bring the equipment with them in a wagon or something, they don't have to wear it all the way through the cave there.
At the end, when this team does find the orange chest, the payoff to the central mystery was not enjoyable, in part due to the unprofessional dialogue and also confusion over how talking to a hologram would provide those sort of responses.
"I have no idea exactly why we're doing this. However, given that it seems to work I'm not questioning it. -Dr. Kenneth" This whole line summarizes a lot of my problems with the article, not a lot of things make sense in how the Authority or the anomaly are functioning. I would recommend perhaps taking a look at this article for a story that had a similar big exploration, and also this video from iRobot for an example of a good hologram depiction.
Non-Authority personnel are to be deterred from entering RPC-194 via a cover story of geological conservation.
Maybe add "conservation efforts in the area" at the end.
RPC-194 largely resemble naturally formed cave systems with diverging passageways
resemble to "resembles" and diverging to "divergent"
entrance to RPC-194 is also hosting a secondary effect of RPC-194(designated RPC-194-1)
Maybe rewrite this as "entrance to RPC-194 is host to a secondary anomalous effect, designated RPC-194-1."
Check?
Mic checks seem like a waste of space to write in the logs, but it's a minor thing and you can keep them in if you want. If it were me, I would just jump to command speaking.
Command:Don't
Missing space here.
spikes
Maybe describe these spikes a little bit more to help readers visualize them more. I assume they aren't normal rock stalagmites and stalactites since in the next line they are coming out of the cave walls too.
RPC-194
When was the cave designated an RPC, was it during the Authority Geologist examinations?
I don't know. I just don't think that 194 made them.
Considering they only just begun exploring RPC-194, that's a pretty speculative statement. Maybe Wong should remind him they don't know what the cave even is yet.
Just a suggestion for the RPC-194-1 interaction. The voice interacts in the first-language of whoever can hear it, so maybe when the operatives hear the voice, after they all say to one another if they heard that, one of them could be like "that voice was speaking welsh" and the other agents could be like, I thought it was speaking Tagalong, etc.
Also, because the voice is very professional in its vocabulary, it would be interesting to see if the operatives say anything about that, like "that sounds like an intruder alarm". This could also make Herr's line stand out more.
Kind of unprepared for an exploration of this length.
If they brought food to eat with them, that does suggest they were prepared for a long exploration.
fucking
It's your article, bu expletives used in key points in the dialogue will have a bigger impact than if they get dropped every other line.
god
Capitalize this proper noun
A few minutes? How many exactly?
Maybe rewrite this as "For how long exactly?"
Romeo-7, What
Lowercase "what"
Valle: It's more of an issue of how long it was.
Herr: We counted at least an hour of it.
If the radio went out for an hour, I would think the team, being unprepared as they are, would not have traversed onward into the cave, but back toward the entrance. Also before Dashing does get a response, he doesn't sound distressed at all. To have them go further in the cave despite no command contact would have to have a justification in my mind.
Romeo-7 returned to the starting position 3 hours later, and claimed to have taken nearly 20 hours to return
If time affected them that badly returning to the entrance, and they were not prepared for a long expedition in the first place, maybe add a note that they were exhausted or something.
objects disproportionally age faster around the 4 agents. Things owned by the 4 agents seem to deteriorate faster.
Maybe just combine this into one sentence: "objects disproportionally age and deteriorate faster around the 4 agents."
I remember reading about giant fields of spikes being potentially used to deter people from entering a place thousands of years after the collapse of human civilization.
How would knowledge from that period be preserved, and how would he get access to that? The precursor civilization I thought was dead and gone long before the first people. Unless he doesn't mean all of human civilization, but like some empire.
Wow, this is in way worse condition than those markers back there.
But didn't Valle in the first log say that the further you went down, the slower time went?
Command: Captain Rim, what is it? Rim: Sean here wants
The interview log document got broken here.
But maybe this place is it's containment. Maybe the cave is someone's way of containing it.
Well, as aforementioned, they clearly fucked up. Look at this place! It's a cave! Not exactly the best containment facility right?
Maybe some medieval people found 194, didn't like it and threw it down here.
I should point out that Hong Kong was uninhabited until the 1400s. Also, are you suggesting that medieval people built kilometers of spikes?
Well, the pyramids were built thousands of years ago…
On inhabited land, over years.
None of these lines have a name next to their dialogue. Also, I don't know why it would be medieval people if there's the warning voice, maybe someone should point that out.
Take a look around, see if there's anything especially exposed. Maybe RPC-194 is embedded in these rocks.
This is fine, but perhaps someone should bring up that maybe the cave alone is just the anomaly.
RPC:/194/explorationlogs/290683.pdf
This log has no names next to the dialogue.
Whatever gods are in here, we have defeated it.
Change "it" to "them"
landfill
I like this change, makes more sense for the anomaly.
RPC-194-2
This interview log also does not have names next to lines of dialogue.
The dialogue here in the log overall could still use some more work. The hologram woman's dialogue is my main issue.
(Questions. Why comms possible?
Communication between the units and command seemed explained enough. The time displacement was shifting in different ways.
How sound works?
This one I think could use a proper conclusion, where was the sound coming from? The facility hallways.
Why on Earth?
This part of the story didn't bother me.
Why the plaque?
Maybe explain or have the hologram woman explain the plaque was the containment protocols for their group for the anomaly.
Germanium?
I am not an expert in geology or types of rocks and minerals, so having germanium crystals didn't bother me.
Time Travelling Medi?
The book didn't bother me or detract from the story.
Rocks that slow then quick?
The time displacement that goes on inside the cave is at times confusing, because you say it sometimes like it's a static thing, where only certain areas of the cave are affected, but at other times, it is shifting in how extreme time is being displaced.
You definitely did a great job fixing up a lot of the early issues I had with the preceding draft. Continue to work on the the corrections that need to me made, primarily I think the last log, because that's where the article really has to give readers a satisfying ending to the story.
via a cover story of geological conservation.
I still think this should say "geological conservation efforts in the area".
artificial cave system
Did the Authority know at this point in time when the document was written that it was artificially created? I thought they only knew this once they learned the actual anomaly wasn't the cave, but the facility itself.
RPC-194 initially resembles naturally formed cave systems with diverging passageways but only one passageway extends past the 3 km mark.
Suggestion: "RPC-194's exterior resembles naturally formed cave systems, with diverging passageways inside, but only one of these extends past the 3 km mark."
than baseline with the
Comma after baseline
dilation is considered
"are considered"
is also hosted
"manifests"
near the entrance of RPC-194, with individuals entering RPC-194
This is very very minor, but repeating RPC-194 a lot in a short period of time feels a little repetitive. Suggestion: "with individuals entering the cave systems
individuals entering RPC-194 being able to perceive a vocal statement being made in the individual's first language, believed to be transmitted through telepathic means.
Suggestion: Change "a vocal statement" to "a telepathic message", then drop "believed to be transmitted through telepathic means."
Radiometric dating
I know very little about this, so it seems fine to me. But if someone who knows more about that topic reads your article.
During this period, Researcher Kenneth and Researcher Yeung discovered RPC-194 with MST Romeo-7 (Suited Gentlemen) subsequently deployed to investigate.
I don't think anything was said about what happened to the other geologists to prevent them from investigating after the Authority took over. Do they do something to block further investigations by the other geologists? Does the PCAOO know about it too? Minor note, but someone might wonder this.
Kind of unprepared for an exploration of this length.
I think I said before, if they brought along food with them, doesn't that make them prepared for a long trip? If they didn't bring any food, I would understand.
It remains unknown how the spikes were formed.
Minor note: The way these spikes are described confuses me a bit. Actual cave spikes, stactites and stalagmites, are just salt-deposits from dripping cave water, which is in one of the pictures you show later on. When the team samples the "spikes", they turn out to be made of the same rock material as the rest of the cave. If these aren't supposed to be normal-forming stalagmites/stalactites, maybe put a line in there about that, the way they look isn't natural.
ago is plagued
Comma after "ago"
expected of houses
"expected from houses"
I remember reading about giant fields of spikes being used as long term warning messages to deter future cavemen from going to certain places after humanity collapses.
Where did he read this? This kind of comes out of nowhere.
So it seems to have no temporal effects on us when we're actively communicating.
It did before though in the last log I thought. Remember, they couldn't communicate with the command team for a whole hour before. Maybe it doesn't effect them with the landline signals?
Might be the same thing that makes us all hear RPC-194-1.
Speaking of which, did anyone on the team hear that yet in this log? I don't think anyone mentioned it until this point.
When we were at the first level, the corridors looked well-maintained. Old, sure, but well-maintained. Now, look at the corridors here. It's still decently bright, but nowhere near as bright as it was. The walls are far from crumbling but they have certainly seen better days.
Wait, if time gets slower closer to the anomaly source, shouldn't things farther away from it be more decrepit, and things closer be more intact? You sort of show this with the pristine tile walls in the water storage room at the end, but you didn't do that here.
Given that I time traveled when I got closer, I think the cause of 194's effects are behind these walls.
Is the anomalous uranium behind the walls of the facility? I thought because it was in the water section at the end, that's where the source of the anomaly was, and where the temporal effects would be the most crazy.
in god's
"God's"
Are you saying that this place is a landfill? For rocks?
This is a little on the nose, not gonna lie, but you can keep the line in if you want.
there are things whose purpose we might not understand when we aren't the ones benefiting from it.
helps block the effects for some rocks.
Do they know the rocks are causing the anomaly yet? I know they see the pile of rocks behind the wall, but I thought those were non-anomalous rocks when they built the facility.
Then why would they only use some chunks of rocks to contain the stuff above?
Suggestion: "They why did they use those spikes made from rocks to help with containment above?"
we and yet
Comma after "we"
Believed to be created
"Believed to have been created"
Written 127 million years ago.
Wait, what? There was another group of people that long ago who found the cave? I get that the original builders were from that long ago, but is this supposed to be a research document from them, or a caveman writing of some sort?
written 25 million years
Same question as before, but I think what you're doing is saying that there were people from pre-history in other human civilizations after the original builders who found the cave at different points in their history. It does seem a bit far-fetched for my tastes, and I don't know how well this works with RPC lore.
Notekeeping document
Being told the document was written in Latin, a romance language, and then looking at the actual language of the document, I feel a disconnect there. The style of writing doesn't match what I'd expect a Latin document to read like.
Commons: Looks like a bunch of orange boxes. The bottom's filled with them.
After this, the names are missing from proceeding lines.
I'm getting a very angry phone call from the sites saying that they're all experiencing temporal acceleration.
Sites all over the world or just nearby Hong Kong? This would be a major breaking of the veil if the time dilation spread that rapidly.
The melodrama at the end wasn't really that thrilling for me.
This is the most I've critiqued one article. It has gotten better every iteration thus far, so you have made a lot of progress. I'm not 100% on the ending, mainly the melodrama and the dialogue could be better, but I like it more than before. Good luck!
Here's some ideas that came to me as I re-read the article looking for stuff that could be built on, you are free to use or ignore these: Have the Authority fail to re-contain the anomaly; Don't heal the agents, let them die from their exposure to the anomaly, like real-life radiation sickness; Have the box be in bad shape, to show the effects of the anomaly are "leaking out".
RPC-194 largely resemble
resembles
It is unknown how RPC-194 transmits this vocalization as decibel meters suggest that no sounds are transmitted.
(Wouldn't it be immediately identified as Telepathy, especially since it knows your native tounge?)
Command: Agent Dashing, please transcribe RPC-194-1. You're the only one here who speaks English as a first language.
Dashing: I speak Welsh.
(Why would Command not be proficient in Cantonese, why wouldn't the log be translated into English either way After they return, it's clearly suggested as such given that the rest of the group spoke English despite "English not being their first language")
Command: Yes, we hear you. We lost you guys for a while there.
Dashing: A few minutes? How many exactly?
(The 2 personnel feel disconnected when the line they're referring to it's not the same: "for a while" & "A few minutes")
Command: 6 minutes and 19 seconds.
Herr: We counted at least an hour of it.
Romeo-7 returned to the starting position 3 hours later, and claimed to have taken nearly 20 hours to return.
(This is where the chronological anomaly begins to become inconsistent: Time moved about 9.47 times faster in the first case, where as the latter is about 6.67 times faster, assuming that no conversation were engaged for the duration)
(transcript)
(Sometimes you wrote it in a poetic way, sometimes you just produce simple statements, again, inconsistent)
Required Materials: 4 Atomic Clocks
(I don't see how redesignation would always need "Required Materials:", so it's better for you to write it as something broader like "Additional Request:")
Given that none of the 4 agents seem to be
seems
some form of Dyschronometria
(It's better that Dyschronometria be mentioned in the end of Addendum 1 as a reason why it was considered a Lessor Anomalous Location Actually if Dyschronometria was considered at all why would the Authority considers it even anomalous at all, if a second exploration never occurred, and if no test were ever performed on the MST since they didn't realized it until now what makes the Authority think that it was anomalous and not just hallucinations
they experienced as RPC-194-1)
No amount of non-anomalous countermeasures has proven effective on countering this effect.
in
would be experience the passage of time faster
experiencing
If the rocks outside and the 4 of us are any indication, it's far from contained by being down there. We have to collect it and put it in our containment for the sake of this area.
(This entire operation is based upon the assumption that there even is an external source of the anomaly, what would the Authority do if it was proven false)
this area is definetly affected by 194.
definitely
What is someone built these spikes?
if
I remember reading about giant fields of spikes being potentially used to deter people from entering a place thousands of years after the collapse of human civilization.
(This sentence would have made more sense if you just say that large spikes are used to ward off people or predators, if that's not what you're referring to, then I have no idea what you're talking about)
Maybe humans need to store some things that we don't want cavemen to find out.
(…Humans predate cavemen?)
Should't their voices be slowed down?
Shouldn't
Command, we will radio you again after exactly 1 minute of our time. Do not contact us during this time.
9 seconds pass.
(Here the ratio is 6.67 which remains consistent with the 2nd instances of time discrepancy)
If 194 is capable of temporally effecting it's surroundings
temporally affecting its surroundings
Are you guys also temporally effecting us just from being here?
affecting
Daniels: Is the same thing going to happen to us too?
(How were the Dumpster Divers not being clearly told of this?)
just a cover-up to whatever this is.
cover-up for
clearly did not want us to be here
does not
Whatever build this place
built
this conveniently placed plaque
conveniently-placed
The team reemerged 5 hours later, at 16:00:20, 13/06/83, with their clock displaying 00:21:13, 15/06/83.
(Why would the MST's clock be slower if they supposedly experience time faster)
Agent Decabb takes the book. Its title is The Time Traveller's Handbook.1
I have no idea what the fuck this is. Command, what…
That is RPC-916. It's a book that manifests for people who have time traveled
(Link 916 to which ever mentioning you want)
Why does a piece of paper make things more likely
(more likely to what?)
My job is to assist in the securing of this facility
security
The world's smartest man can perceive my explanations no more than it's smartest termite.
(Cheeky Watchmen reference)
what other mechanisms lies underneath
lie
My initial problems with the article is how there are multiple times where the flow of events are only dependant on the Authority to be incompetent, which thankfully stoped as the logs continued but then led to another problem. Since you seeked to emulate SCP-2935 as you have previously said I compared 194 to it as such and find it lacking, Throughout the reading of at least 2 or 3 logs I could find myself thinking that it was unnecessary, Your choice to pad out the event into several years also created a disconnect between the readers and the characters which were increased in numbers with each logs. The final problem is that there are almost close to no set up to what was explained in the end, especially the rock being used to power things.
First, you're already doing a good job on the grammar and stuff. So I just scavenging what I could find. These are literally just pieces of crumb.
Addendum 194.1
3 hours from command's
from the command's
It looks better for me like that.
Command:Don't take
add a space before "Don't"
15 minutes from command's
from the command's
Addendum 194.2
proven effective on countering
effective in countering
note that the signature "- Christpoher Kenneth" on the bottom right is too small in my opinion.
would be experience the passage
be experiencing
RPC:/194/explorationlogs/220683.pdf
Rim:Wait, try reading
add a space before"Wait"
this place is it's containment.
is its containment
didn't like it and
Perhaps add a comma after "it"
A question from me, after these sentences:
Valle: I'm sure the geniuses upstairs will figure something out.
is Valle here keep talking until "On inhabited land, over years." or those were someone else dialogs?
theory about medieval peasents.
You mean "peasants."?
RPC:/194/explorationlogs/290683.pdf
time traveled
add a hyphen. time-traveled
Maybe the water helps block it's effects.
its
Addendum 194.3
The mere existence of those message compelled us
it's either that message or those messages
keep exploring the facility despite it's dangers.
its
run over by an toy car
a toy car
How did you know? Lock this room down, we may have a security breach…
who said this line?
critize
you mean "criticize"
Yeah, fine work indeed.
RPC-194 is believed to be responsible for a temporal acceleration within the surrounding area, an effect that is believed to be responsible for the hexagonal rock pillars above RPC-1941.
"RPC-194 is the assumed cause for a temporal anomaly affecting the sorrounding area; time within this anomaly is experienced at a rate at least ten times faster than baseline. The accumulating effects of this time dilation is considered responsible for the geographical abnormalities sorrounding RPC-194, including the prominent hexagonal rock pillars right above it."
The team felt an hour passed since communication was lost, but Command experienced 6 minutes. This is a 10x difference. That's a lot, and it's a difference that only keeps accumulating as time passes, which should result in RPC-194 being very, very markedly different than its sorrounding area. Consider that if baseline time from creation to discovery of the anomaly is 10 years, the inside time is 100.
The entrance to RPC-194 is also hosting a secondary effect of RPC-194(designated RPC-194-1) with individuals entering RPC-194 being able to perceive a vocal statement being made in the individual's first language. It is unknown how RPC-194 transmits this vocalization as decibel meters suggest that no sounds are transmitted.
"When entering RPC-194, individuals will be able to perceive a vocal statement being made in their first language. This vocalization, designated RPC-194-1, is not transmitted through acoustic waves, instead being directly relayed to affected subjects through an unidentified mechanism."
As far as I know, 'unidentified' is always better than 'unknown' in this context.
We know that it can fuck with rocks as the rock pillars outside show us.
"We know that it can fuck with rocks from the pillars outside."
Romeo-7, it has not been that long. I thought you guys should have eaten enough before entering 194.
Nitpick here — they're a bit slow to realize what's going on.
Furthermore, shouldn't their transmissions be received at an unusually quick rate, considering they experience time faster? I'm not sure what effects time dilation might theoretically have on radio waves, but Command should at least be hearing Romeo-7's communications ten times quicker.
The following is the transcript for RPC-194-1, as heard by Agent Dashing.
How is the nature of this message not mentioned anywhere in the document? I assume long-time waste disposal messages are public knowledge in the Authority universe. Furthermore, I find it very, very funny that the Authority chose to ignore this message later on, fully knowing what its purpose is.
For example, Agent Dashing's house, which was purchased brand new less than 15 years ago is plagued with maintenance issues only expected of houses significantly older.
This is a very, very significant issue. It's very noticeable from an outside perspective, and even assuming the area of effect is relatively small, it's got to have disastrous long-term effects on nearly everything they interact with on a regular basis.
I intend to test my hypothesis that the 4 agents exhibit some form of temporal effect on the surroundings by supplying all 4 agents with an atomic clock and detecting their deviations from normal clocks. There may be something in those caves giving the 4 agents anomalous effects.
I suggest holding the agents in quarantine instead, to prevent the aforementioned effects from damaging anything important or public.
- Christpoher Kenneth
This is hard to notice.
After investigating the effects of the 4 operatives, the 4 operatives were determined to have certain temporal effects as clocks in proximity to them would be experience the passage of time faster.
Way too redundant.
It was decided that the 4 agents would accompany MST November-12 (Dumpster Divers) on a renewed exploration of RPC-194.
But why? There's no way to know if this effect could worsen upon renewed exposure, of it could significantly harm November-12.
I remember reading about giant fields of spikes being potentially used to deter people from entering a place thousands of years after the collapse of human civilization.
If implemented, these spikes would be organized in such a way that they prevent passage. This is not the case, as you wrote in the first exploration log.
So it seems to have no temporal effects on us when we're actively communicating.
Shouldn't they have realized this by the end of the first exploration, considering communication went as normal despite RPC-194's known effects?
But maybe this place is it's containment. Maybe the cave is someone's way of containing it.
Well, as aforementioned, they clearly fucked up. Look at this place! It's a cave! Not exactly the best containment facility right?
Maybe some medieval people found 194, didn't like it and threw it down here.
I should point out that Hong Kong was uninhabited until the 1400s. Also, are you suggesting that medieval people built kilometers of spikes?
Well, the pyramids were built thousands of years ago…
On inhabited land, over years.
You forgot the Names: here
highly industrialized hallway.
What do you mean by "highly industrialized"? I do not believe that's a description appliable to hallways themselves.
DeCabb: It looks like some sort of text in Tagalog2.
McLoughlin: Tagalog? This looks more like Irish3 to me.
The footnotes here are redundant and unnecessary.
Germanium crystal
'One crystal' can weigh from a few grams to a few tonnes. You should specify a bit.
Wong: There's a flashing hologram displaying text. Taking a pic of it.
Valle: It's saying "Containment". Looks broken, or else it wouldn't be flashing.
It should be flashing irregularly. Flashing lights are regularly used by humans, but almost exclusively follow a pattern.
Gods and convenient rituals? Why didn't they tell us about this with 194-1? Something about this feels off.
I find this segment of dialogue to be INCREDIBLY awkward and oblivious. Why, after realizing what the entry spikes were, are they unable to realize that these messages have an identical purpose? At least Rim should make the connection.
Each Germanium crystal assigned to the individuals are to pick up their assigned Germanium crystal.
I don't understand this.
Command: RPC-916. A book that manifests for people who have time traveled.4.
Patrick: Wait, so I just time traveled?
RPC-916 should have been received the exact moment the agents first entered RPC-194, considering they pretty literally time-jumped by speeding up time and then returning to their regular time period.
By the time we get better equipment our crystals will have gone black.
How do they know this? Have the crystals been previously tested? If so, why isn't the average duration of these crystals explicitly told? Why can't they replace the 'spent' crystals with new, dry ones?
Agent Daniels uses her pick on the corridor wall. However, no fragments break off.
Why doesn't the pick time travel?
Why are there immortal corpses from an alternate dimension? Why is there an angry star headed our way?
These crosslinks feel somewhat awkward.
And why, in god's fucking name, was this place ever built.
Again, them not knowing feels frustratingly oblivious. At the very least, Command should know, considering the message they received in their exact first exploration.
These crystals should work underwater.
Why wouldn't they, given that…
The Germanium crystal is to be submerged into a water tank no fewer than 2 liters in volume. This is to be conducted within RPC-194. No fewer than 4 Germanium crystals are to undergo this procedure at any given time.
Also, why do only crystals specifically work?
On 02/07/20, the 2 members of Alpha-2 resurfaced, recovering an orange box which they claimed to have been recovered from the bottom of the pool. The device displayed a sapient entity resembling that of a human female (now designated RPC-194-2), who possesses information regarding RPC-194 and claimed to be "the gatekeeper of this cursed land".
How is this entity displayed? Similarly to a TV? You should describe this.
Crashing the Welsh housing market with some papers that I don't understand(Note to critters, Dashing does that in 378.) does that to you.
"with some papers that i don't understand" feels very weird. Just say "crashing the Welsh housing market"
There are ██████████ m2
This is stupidly large. There's no way that it would've went unnoticed until 1983, and even less so that its presence wouldn't cause any effect on the sorrounding geography.
The caveman then sits down and asks you to explain exactly what is wrong with that facility. With all your infinite wisdom, please explain the concept of radiation to a creature with only the most rudimentary understanding of math.
While I like this concept, I don't think it's applied well to the article, or that it really works;
1) You can very easily explain poisoning and sickness to a caveman. Long-term nuclear waste disposal methods rely on doing exactly that.
2) While the entity understands the leap in technology and understanding between a caveman and a modern human, the facility doesn't; it's built in the exact same way that modern man attempts to explain radiation to a caveman, instead of being built in the equivalent that an hyper-advanced civilization would do the same for a modern man. This is especially notable on the 'god-appeasing ritual'. There's no reason for this civilization not to go and tell us "what's contained here fucks with time, and is very harmful" even if that's a brutal simplification, because that's exactly what we would do with long-term disposal of nuclear waste; "what's kept here can make you very ill, and is a blight upon the land".
Fair. I'm also curious as to whether the ritual for entering RPC-194 was real or not.
This line makes Dashing sound stupid. Everyone on the Authority side of things is consistently shown a blindingly obvious explanation of what is happening (one that should be even more obvious considering that the initial warning message is copied verbatim from a human-made one written before the exploration date) and remains oblivious to it.
While I adore long-term nuclear disposal and its potential uses for fiction, I think that the concept was very badly applied here. This would work much, much better only with no exploration or redundant explanations, especially those given by 194-2. Simply describing the facility and the ritual would work well for the first half, and having a laconic incident addendum with the "radiation poisoning" accident should make what's going on obvious.
I also suggest changing up some of the disuasion measures (i.e. spikes) so that they aren't exactly identical to those that we already use in the modern day.
Okay crit go
Overall, I love the concept, but this needs to be cut down some- I think it's paced a little too slowly, and the last interview is slightly too much tell and not enough show.
