The Great Marshes of Cair Aisling did not receive its name with just a small flooded area covered in grasses in its territory
- Change "with just" to "from just"
- Change "in its territory" to "within its territory"
the eye can see. Shrubs and trees
Change the period to a semicolon.
Plants, insects, small animals, and whatever else that might live beneath this vast wetland dominate the most.
Which one of them dominates the most? If all of those creatures are the most prominent in the wetlands, this line seems redundant, and you could just drop "dominate the most"
What can be said as the life support of the Authority's means of communication in a world where all modern knowledge we know is useless
Did you mean "what else can be said to be the life support"?
of The Great Marshes, is nothing but
Drop the comma.
their number was simply cannot be counted.
Drop "was"
that still awaits
"still awaiting"
there’s one simple problem which made this place abandoned from the start,
Change "which" to "that". Change the comma at the end to a period or colon.
eleven a.m right now,”
Change the comma to a period. You could keep the "eleven" spelled out, or just put "11", your choice.
mine.”
Change period to a comma
once.” I replied
Change period to a comma
a group of ASF
I believe a group of ASF members are called officers, but I am not sure on the correct terminology here.
Echo-25 himself doubted
Comma after himself.
to terminate entity originated
"entities originating"
using our own method were
It's either "using our own methods" or "using our own method was"
experimenting
Change to "experiment"
nobody knows if that this will work
Drop "that"
My ears overheard their conversation a bit, they’re discussing regarding a room inside the spire.
Drop "regarding". You can change the comma to a semicolon. Change "they're" to "they were"
Regarding the room they discussed, I knew exactly which room they’re referring to.
Change "they're" to "they were". Change "room" to "one"
this place used to be planned as the treasure storage
"this place was planned to be the treasure storage"
they have already placed a spell on the spire:
"they had already placed a spell on the spire" or "they placed a spell on the spire"
of the Spire Elves, unable to get out.”
Add "were" before "unable"
spell remains
"spell remained"
has finally
"had finally"
would be stood out under
"would stand out under"
We led our own team separately
Change to plural "teams"
both sides which leads
"both sides which lead"
built such high building
Add "a" after "such"
I kept that thought
"I kept that thought to myself"
he died immediately as the spear impaled him
"he died instantly when the spear impaled him"
It's really dark at that time
"It was really dark at that time"
We just lucky
Add "were" after "We"
around the room, eventually found several
Add "and" after the comma, or change "found" to "finding"
it.” I said
Change period to comma
while pointed
"while pointing"
door. Eight
Change period to colon
The daylight ambushed first as the door swang to the left
Sentence doesn't flow well, try rewriting this to be more clear. Did you mean "The daylight had ambushed us first, as the door swang to the left"?
immediately lighten up the room inside.
Change "lighten" to "lighting". Is the light coming from the outside or the inside? The light can't "ambush" the units if it's right behind them.
I thought that this may seem to be
"I thought that this seemed to be"
When looking down, however, there’s a spiral stairway that leads down.
Saying it leads down at the end is redundant, we know already they're looking down at a staircase.
that I didn’t know lead to where
"that I didn't know where they led"
ghosts of KNIL soldiers
I am not read up on Cair Aisling lore, what are the KNIL soldiers? Maybe put a footnote here.
no technology capable
Add "is" after "technology"
we decided to bring in our good ol’ coconut broomstick instead
We already know this from the preceding paragraph, so this is reduntant.
We just prayed that this will work. If it doesn’t, we’ll retreat immediately.
Change "will" to "would"
A black shadow shaped like a human with an abnormally large size and a trail of smoke as its legs emerged from that path and flew towards us at a dangerous speed.
Rewrite this sentence. abnormally large size what? A trail of smoke from where?
falchion
Footnote what this. I only know now its a type of sword after a Google search.
were raised high
Change "were" to "was"
brooms and ready to wave
Drop "and" and add a comma after "brooms"
switched weapon
Add "my" between these words.
created
"creating"
that were being broken off and heated in the contact.
"that were breaking off and becoming heated from the contract/friction"
Hotel-5, which was more professional in sword combat taken over the area, protecting us.
"Hotel-5, having better swordsmanship, took over the area, protecting us."
Or "Hotel-5, being more trained in sword combat, took over the area, protecting us."
in its hands
"in their hands"
trying to reach my sword
Add "for" after "reach"
“With this many troops in this close range, at least this demon should react even if only a little!
I don't understand this sentence.
reminds me
"reminded me"
toward him, it
Either the demon spirits have a male gender or neutral gender.
to be startled and retreat
Past tense "retreated"
I thought that it was done with me or that I’m simply unreachable.”
I don't understand this line either.
When founding it,
"When I found it"
Now that’s what supposed to happens when you deal with this!
Change "is" after "what"/change "what" to "what's"
Change "happens" to "happen"
Did you mean "dual with this!/use this?"?
and that
Change "that" to "those"
Now it just us that left.
"Now, it's just us left" or "Now, it is just us that are left"
Our only hope left is just your men
Did you mean "you men"?
Three because they were thrown and two because they were burned.
I don't know what this line means.
to Edward. “That
Change the period to a comma. Lowercase "That"
they’re the ones found these
Add "who" before "found"
desperately hold their attack
Change "hold" to "holding back"
by clashed our weapon.
Change "clashed" to "clashing"
If there no help for the last second, we would surely die.
"If there is no help in this last second, we will surely die." or "If no helps arrives within these last seconds, we will surely die."
the Martin birds dropped on the Abrahah's army
Maybe a footnote explaining what happened here.
making them burned and demanifested.
Change "burned" to "burn" and "demanifested" to "demanifest"
I looked toward the door, one personnel seemed to receive those burned objects from the other side of the room and thrown it to the dungeon.
"I looked towards the door, one personnel seemed to have received those burned objects from the other side of the room, and throwing them into the dungeon."
What if your team help along?
Change "help" to "helped" or "came/tagged"
saw my men
Change "saw" to "seeing"
we're once here
Change "we're" to "we were"
carved too?” He said.
Lowercase "he". Comma after quotation mark
they've made
Change "they've" to "they"