Eynhallow fair, Eynhallow Free
Eynhallow stands in the middle of the sea
With a roaring roost on either side
Eynhallow stands in the middle of the tide.
Hazards: Radiation, Psychotronic, Info-hazard.
This was a collaboration between Fortunae and I. It also marks the first post he made on the site as well, so give them a round of applause in the comments!
It was all great fun.
List of Best Boys/Girls/Birds:
carriontrooper
JimmyBoyHaha
Lieutenant Marshall
ieatcrepes
bXluYW1lamVmZg
Croal
ImNotEric
Along with various other users on discord!
I approve of your Over the Garden Wall and Midsommar scores laddie!
"I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."
The Lighthouse 2: Winslow Goes to Prom
~Baubi
I really love this article and its story. I think that the play and the story added some great elements to this. Throughout the article I found myself skimming back and going over things multiple times to try and figure it out. I really enjoy that.
Great article guys.
After reading this again and again, I'm just torn.
First of all, this is an amazing article. I cannot imagine the effort and superlative skills that went into writing this. The text itself is equally outstanding, being of a quality and style that I have never read before in this community and format. Critiquing such a work into detail is completely out of my realm.
However, there are some issues.
The body of the journal is exceedingly dense and exceedingly long for its format. I have issues paying attention for prolonged periods of time, and especially so when faced with dense text with many descriptions jammed into a relatively small space. Reading it felt like a massive chore, especially since almost every page I had to read twice at best to quite grasp exactly what was being described.
What I was reading simply felt unrewarding to my tastes; descriptions of events which should hook me became greater chores as the paragraphs kept piling up. I think this is an inherent problem of the format; having to somehow place a large sequence of events in small segments has a dreadful effect in the final product.
I see two solutions to this; either butcher the good parts of the story to achieve a smaller size, or leave the RPC format in favor of a tale, or tale series. Either case, the flash fiction format cannot do justice to what you're attempting to write, and it would be depressing to see it forever confined to this state. The RPC format itself makes the journal worse, and ruins some of the suspense and negative space that would otherwise be present.
As such, I feel that despite the undeniable quality of this entry it would be my choice to downvote it. However, it would be extremely fucking scummy if I did so while it was immediately above my own entry for the contest. I still don't know what to do exactly, so I'll leave a no-vote for now. Whatever the results for the contest are, know that your work's quality still remains superior to every other entry in it.
This entry is long as shit and the structure, format and prose don't do a good job keeping my attention. I struggled to stay attentive through the whole thing, often drifting into unrelated thoughts as the words I read flew out the back of my head before realizing that I'd read two paragraphs and not gotten anything. Eventually I got sick of rereading and just chugged through the rest of it. It feels dishonest to downvote it when I hadn't gotten the intended experience, but I don't think this entry should win the contest compared to Hollow and Drowning and Tripurisvara.
Perimeter-052 is regulated by Authority seafaring vessels HSC Valiant and DSV Endeavor on a biweekly basis.
Don't use the word "biweekly." It's ambiguous. Could mean every two weeks or twice a week. It's a terrible word and should disappear from the English language, so god damn useless.
the researcher must inoculate themselves with a 50mcg dosage of Oniritryptin viderics.
the researcher must compile their RPC-052-2 readings
I would make "researcher" plural so the grammar of "themselves" and "their" would be grammatically correct whether you believe in NuGrammer™ or not.
Documentation on RPC-052's people derives solely from secondhand reports made by researchers aboard a naval vessel, who had photographed RPC-052 on their way to the Faroe Islands.
I think this would read better if you stated the name of the vessel rather than just "a naval vessel" so that it's immediately clear that it was one group of researchers rather than multiple expeditions.
Between the years of 1887 to 1888
I think this would read better if it was "and" instead of "to." If you're worried about the grammatical bullshit of the word "between" and whether or not it can be assumed to be inclusive, I would swap it for "spanning."
Indeed, the inhabitants wrapped votive offerings of lamb, eel, and silver coins in baskets and flung them into the seaside.
I don't get why you're putting "indeed" at the start of the sentence. Seems like a break in clinical tone.
ascertained the exact location of RPC-052 had manifested.
however, after several weeks, no further developments were ascertained.
This second use of “ascertain” is in a different context to the first so I would use a different word here. It makes it seem like you’re talking about the same thing, the ascertainment from the first case.
seal and whale carcass
carcasses*
predictions of RPC-052-2's manifestations have been significantly difficult.
I think you meant RPC-052, not RPC-052-2 here.
We have received our orders. I and the crew are to travel from London to Shetland and finally, reach our destination at the shores of the Vanishing Isle.
This feels out of place at the end of the paragraph its in. I would move it to be the start of the following paragraph which it’s actually related to. Either that or make it its own paragraph. It feels like it’s tacked on unnaturally how it is currently.
This description is neither cruel nor unusual, however: the injustice is that he died like every other who was murdered in the wake of this terrible Isle, and I could do nothing but catalogue, record, research, move on. At least, until now.
Is it intentional that this paragraph doesn’t have a space between it and the last unlike the other paragraphs?
Disappearances are not an uncommon phenomena
phenomenon*
I am surrounded by old texts, and, I remain convinced that in them lie secrets
Why do you have commas before and after the “and”? It seems completely unneeded.
In the “Monday 27th February 1891” section, you jump between past and present tense a lot, and whether intentional or not, it reads kinda weirdly.
as fish is flung over the stage.
Should this be “as fish are flung”?
(account deleted)
