http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/season-traveler
Hazards: Radiation, Psychotronic, Info-hazard.
Special thanks to Fortunae who composed the majority of the journal entries and narration in RPC-XXX-2.
Literally just grammar fixups, because there is absolutely fucking nothing to pick apart here. It's just that good.
Site-089's Radiological Examination Center is charged with container storage.
"Centre", not "Center".
Due to this and the dangers posed by the replication of egrodic literature after readings, researchers must be screened under the Thompkins-Galway memetic matrix, for upwards of several weeks
"ergodic", not "egrodic"
As of the writing of this document, RPC-XXX appears to remain nonexistent for intermittent periods before manifestation.
Hyphen between "non" and "existent".
Records indicate they were largely unaware of modern advancements in science and technology as well as the happenings of the islands that neighbor them.
"neighbour", not "neighbor".
On 1890-11-01, Authority-owned naval vessels, with the aid of secondhand accounts provided by sailors, ascertained the exact location of RPC-XXX had manifested.
Hyphen between "second" and "hand".
Wireless telegraphs relayed the ship's position and stability to nearby steamships; however, after several weeks, no further followups were ascertained.
Suggest replacing "followups" with "developments". If you insist on keeping it, hyphen between "follow" and "ups".
They are engratiated in the nature of the Isle and the events surrounding it as much as I, but I have doubts in my heart of their good faith, or understanding of its seriousness.
"ingratiated", not "engratiated".
We have traveled long through ice and fog, with the RV Majestic breaking through the elements with ease.
"travelled", not "traveled".
I am currently writing from the east wing of the Town Minister's manorhouse, of which we have been graciously hosted in for reasons we cannot say.
"manor house", not "manorhouse". Take with a grain of salt, may be a nitpick.
Even now as they yet ask our names I do not give anything but what I have told the crew; my name is my own, for I am the witness.
Add a comma after "names", may assist in sentence flow.
All of them meant absolutely nothing to me, and here as I sleep I still curse myself on how fruitless this has been.
Add a comma after "sleep", may assist in sentence flow.
I learned today of the rather curious predilection the townfolk of Wythe have regarding their hospitality and kindness - they expect service and labor in return.
"townsfolk", not "townfolk", and "labour", not "labor".
Fitzgerald and his crew, no doubt due to their restlessness since landing, were quick to take him up on the offer as in his eyes "labor kept their wits about them".
"labour", not "labor".
Michael had been persuaded to take the position of the one Librarian in the entire town and John became a Chimney Sweep (though there was already one such native, a young boy, with the role, he was happy to share a title with such a newly prestiged traveler from the 'sunless-lands' as he so called it).
"traveller", not "traveler".
Below the bluff on the north side of the shelving-shore, I found the freshly-dead bodies of birds who had seemingly fallen from the sky the night before - there were nearly thirty.
Remove the hyphen between "freshly" and "dead", it sounds just as fine without it.
As I write I hear bed-springs creaking across the hall, and strange noises in the dark.
Remove the hyphen between "bed" and "springs", as "bedsprings" is a word.
In a meeting with the crew, Fitzgerald and Michael opted for us to ensure close records of our entrances and exits, and a tally-count of our company hereon out.
Space between "here" and "on".
It was Aiden - he told me how there had he and the others had discovered a the body of a small boy by an isolated segment of beach, far enough away from the ship to avoid prying eyes.
A lot of spelling and grammar issues, with particular affinity for the word "had". Recommend rewording to:
It was Aiden - he told me how there, he and the others had discovered the body of a small boy by an isolated segment of beach, far enough away from the ship to avoid prying eyes.
He had nothing to corroborate his claims yet he persisted, drudging up my friendship with the girl, as if that was any indication or evidence of my misdeeds.
Recommend adding a comma after "claims".
By the evening, we were too exhausted to continue and we went our separate ways.
Recommend adding a comma after "continue".
The girl was loathe to break her mother’s promise, and when she cut the first loaf for dinner later that day, her mother was weary of the food.
"loathed", not "loathe".
And so, the boatman told her her first task:
Repetition of "her".
They are dead, they have died and they are gone.
Recommend adding a comma after "died" to assist in pacing.
To purchase travel from palid psychopomps, it is the corpse of silver that is called to the seas.
"pallid", not "palid".
5 stars. Stellar worldbuilding, amazing execution of hazards provided. Pretty much the prime contender for first place. I frankly fail to see anything topping this. Amazing work boys.
"I'm too drunk to taste this chicken."
Blue = Grammar/Punctuation
Red = Wording/Clinical Tone
Yellow = Commentary/Suggestions
Continuing this from my criticism on the WIP draft.
On 1890-11-01, Authority-owned naval vessels, with the aid of secondhand accounts provided by sailors, ascertained the exact location of in which RPC-XXX had manifested. There are a bit too many commas in this sentence. I suggest removing the second comma.
Here is presented an attached folktale that was found scrawled on a loose assortment of pages throughout the journal, seemingly at random. I suggest moving this line outside of the journal div. The line being inside the journal div block makes it look like it was written by the person.
Those are all the issues I had. Other than that, this article is amazing so far. This has some of the best worldbuilding I've seen on both SCP and RPC, you've done a great job. I can definitely see this winning, and I'll immediately give it 5 stars when it gets uploaded.
blabbo
the prediction of an RPC-XXX manifestation event.
the establishment of Perimeter-XXX, per a compilation of satellite images of last-known sightings.
capitalize T
Phosphate ceramic containers preserve RPC-XXX-1 cadavers,
Phosphate ceramic containers are to be used to preserve RPC-XXX-1 cadavers,
A ubiquitous pattern exists before each RPC-XXX manifestation, which is a series of murders characterized by bodies discovered near or in ports.
A ubiquitous pattern exists before each RPC-XXX manifestation. Approximately (#days) before each manifestation a series of murders will occur, characterized by bodies being discovered near or in ports.
You have my notes from Discord chat. All I can say besides that is bravo. I think this would be a very very good representative article for the site and I'd be very happy to see it in the 052 spot.
Initially, messages included "SOS" and "CDQ" with a randomized letters and symbols,
Initially, messages included "SOS" and "CDQ" with randomized letters and symbols,
And he won't come worring us no more
worrying
there was a little girl who lived with her mother
her mother
The information was salvaged in transfer as best we could
the transfer
And that's all I could find, great job, definitely a +1 from me.
I enjoyed the worldbuilding of this article, it is presented originally and creatively. However, I find an issue on the writing overall because you use A LOT of tautologies and repeat the same words and/or its variants multiple times. To fix the later you can simply press Ctrl+F to search for the repeating word and use the thesaurus website to replace them with synonyms. To fix the former you can use a spellchecker or either do it yourself. This text its too long for me to give recommendations on every single paragraph, so I will just give you a few instead. The strikethrough red words are ones I would recommend you to delete and the green words are the ones I would add. The paragraphs I skipped are ones I either had no complaints or have the same issues as others. On a side note, you should add the teleportation and climatological Hazards.
RPC-052 is an island that appears at various regions within the North Sea, within proximity of the seas northeast of Scotland.
As of the writing of this document, RPC-052 appears to remain non-existent for intermittent periods before manifestation. When a manifestation event occurs, RPC-052 appears within a vacuum of unoccupied space. Furthermore, the surrounding seascape exhibits inclement weather conditions, such as turbulent tides and dense fog. Estimates on the amount of time RPC-052 remains in situ is inconclusive. How this manifestation phenomenon occurs is unknown; by all indications, satellite imagery and scans have failed to disclose geographic changes to the seafloor after RPC-052 de-manifestation.
Change that to:
RPC-052 is an island that appears at various regions within the North Sea, within proximity of the seas northeast of Scotland.
As of the writing of this document, RPC-052 appears to remain non-existent for intermittent periods before manifestation. When a manifestation event occurs, RPC-052 appears materializes within a vacuum of unoccupied sea space. Furthermore, the surrounding seascape exhibits inclement weather conditions, such as turbulent tides and dense fog. Estimates on the amount of time RPC-052 remains in situ is inconclusive. How this manifestation phenomenon occurs is unknown; by all indications, satellite imagery and scans have failed to disclose geographic changes to the seafloor after RPC-052 de-manifestation.
Archives indicate that RPC-052 has often been confused with islands under the domain of Orkney or Shetland. Evidence of RPC-052's existence is sparse - further confusion is derived from the fact that sightings of RPC-052 intertwine with historic records of extant islands, which pertain to compendiums, anthologies, journals, folklore, and sagas to regions as far as Greenland. References to RPC-052 often include themes of voyages, shipwrecks, drowning, seals, and storms.
change that to:
Archives indicate that RPC-052 has often been was often confused with islands under the domain of Orkney or Shetland. Evidence of RPC-052's existence is sparse - further confusion is derived from the fact that sightings of RPC-052 intertwine intertwining with historic records of extant islands , which pertain to involving compendiums, anthologies, journals, folklore, and sagas to regions as far as Greenland. References to RPC-052 often include themes of voyages, shipwrecks, drowning, seals, and storms.
Due to the dangers posed by heavy ice pervading the North Sea, operators selected the RV Majestic for the voyage. The ship possessed a robust hull, steam turbines, and a rounded shape - the latter of which was capable of penetrating packed ice.
Change that to:
Due to the dangers posed by heavy ice pervading the North Sea, operators selected the RV Majestic for the voyage. The ship possessed a robust hull, steam turbines, and a rounded shape - the latter of which was capable of penetrating packed ice.
Like I said before, the worldbuilding here was great, and the diary is what makes this particular article shine. If there's is anything for me to add that isn't what I and the other users have already pointed out, it is about the last collapsible. I personally feel that it doesn't add anything new to the narrative, and most importantly there a lost opportunity to imply the current user (the reader) is slowly falling for the effects of the diary and the island. If I were to rate this right now I would give this a 4/5, but simply because I cant give 3.5/5. Those types of mistakes I pointed out before really detract from the reading experience.
(account deleted)