TRH Contest Entry - Horsepower
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/rpc-052-parent-greekspy
All critic is fully accepted and welcome and I hope you enjoy it.
TRH Contest Entry - Horsepower
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» TRH Contest Entry - Horsepower
Summary:
"The last mechanical horse of the war."
Entry for the TRH Contest. Thanks to the Hellsverg for the assistance in the concept stage.
(account deleted)World War Two era summer variant military uniform and hold a box of blank .50 BMG ammunition
.50 BMG blanks won't cycle through a browning M2 .50 cal without fitting the weapon with a blank firing adapter first.
Additionally: The "sentient war vehicle thats still fighting the war from its era" trope is extremeley common. I'm not really sure why, but theres several incredibly similar articles posted each year by totally unrelated individuals, and it would seem SCP has this same issue as well because there are several posted on there as well. I'm not personally a huge fan of the concept.
- "Level 02" can be just "Level 2"
Level 02 Security Staff are to observe the surrounding area of up to 150 meters, both land and sea.
- Why level 2 staff specifically? It can also be combined with the previous sentence and into "No staff or individuals of Japanese origin are to enter into proximity of 150 meters to RPC-052 and personnel are to clear the surrounding areas of civilian presence, both land and sea."
No way has been found in order to brute-force open the hatches of RPC-052.
- "No method of non-consentual entry into RPC-052 has been discovered"
Check Discovery Segment
- See Discovery
RPC-052 has been able to recover to pristine condition
- RPC-052 has gradually reverted to a pristine condition
RPC-052 has been able to recover to pristine condition
- RPC-052 has gradually reverted to a pristine condition
indicating of RPC-052's
- indicating its
being able to identify other M1 Combat Cars, whether they are destroyed or pristine.
- There aren't substantial evidence to suggest that it can other than it leaning towards another tank
- How does the tank reload itself with the .50 BMG ammunition without external help?
I have improved the entry in accordance with your feedback while also changing a few things, specifically the elements which potray and emotional and aggression characteristics of the RPC. Also a new document has been added as to shed more light into the behaviour characteristics of the RPC.
" It is also able to identify three types of individuals:"
As this part goes on you explain how it reacts with "other" individuals but don't with Japanese or American WW2 soldiers. For consistency's sake you could do that with the first 2.
for the tale, the use of the "Gory, gory" part doesn't feel needed. "what a hell'va way to die" sounds great as a title as is
For the experiment log, i feel it'd be relatively impossible to move around a tank into a testing room. An outside testing grounds could work here, its a minor nitpick but still
Overall, a nice little piece. I like the tale…it kinda explains things but not exactly. That's a perfect level of subtlety.
to be guarded by Authority Security Staff dressed in World War Two era summer variant military uniforms
personnel who are to come in contact with RPC-052 are to wear the standard World War Two era summer variant military uniform
Just mention the first time that all personnel are to wear the uniforms instead of bringing it up twice.
Staff wearing any other form of clothing will be denied access by RPC-052 by it locking all hatches shut
Denied access *to RPC-052
Routine maintenance inspections are done once a month and all abnormalities are to be documented immediately. No method of non-consentual entry into RPC-052 has been discovered.
*consensual
Switch the two sentences order to keep the two about entering together.
While able to identify and locate .50 BMG ammunition boxes, RPC-052 is unable to load
*load itself
RPC-052 is sentient on a base instinct level, similar to those of an animal.
That is sapient, not sentient
RPC-052 was discovered on the ██/██/1946 after Filipino fishermen out on an early morning fishing trip
RPC-052 was discovered on the ██/██/1946 after
Either "a group of Filipino fishermen" or "After Filipino fishermen Angelo Bautista" out on an early morning…
The thumper of artillery pounding the ground woke him up in an instant.
thumping
His chest filled with pieces
his chest was
Grabbing upon the shoulder of the driver, his dead body went limp on his seat.
This is worded a bit strange maybe "He grabbed the sholder of the driver, his dead body limp upon the seat."
he found noone.
no one
/forum/t-13317483/trh-contest-entry-horsepower#post-