Author Post
crit link here
Now maybe alex will write the rpc I told him to write in exchange for me writing a tale staring the sons of yggdrasil
Mechanical Hedge Trimmer / Discussion
Forum
» Hidden / Per page discussions
» Mechanical Hedge Trimmer
This is the discussion related to the wiki page Mechanical Hedge Trimmer.
I’m conflicted about this. It’s not bad, but for what it is it seems quite…unceremonious. It doesn’t fill in anything that RPC-439 glosses over, quite the opposite: 439–1’s complete lack of a character is exacerbated by the fact that she’s now dead. And it kind of takes the fun out of 550 by showing her as actively malicious instead of an unwilling participant, an ambiguity that I liked about the original article.
I want to like this, I wouldn’t say it’s bad, but I don’t think it’s a good continuation of 439 or 550.
(account deleted)I would like this a lot more were it not for the insistent use of pop-culture terminology, I think that it removes all of the interest I would see in an article about a anomaly becoming inert completely by accident. I already had a bad impression just by how you described her in the first line, not breaking down slowly how she was an anomaly but simply dropping any readers in without explanation or not guiding the audience suspension of disbelief. I also feel conveying that too much time has passed for 439's plan would have been interesting to read and maybe provide background to the character. As it stands the articles isn't interesting as is. 2/5
Dreams. Each man longs to pursue his dream. Each man is tortured by this dream, but the dream gives meaning to his life. Even if the dream ruins his life, man cannot allow himself to leave it behind. In this world, is man ever able to possess anything more solid, than a dream?
~Kentaro Miura
I expected some redemption carried over from a poor article, but somehow this is even sloppier that it was actually infuriating to read. What you set out to build a setting amounted to criminal levels of spoonfeeding:
Below those descriptive words were meant to tell the reader what the thing inside the cell was capable of.
"Who are you?" One of the people in the camp inquired, observing the mechanical cyborg and the bloodstain from her most recent victim.
As if we forgot she killed a man a paragraph ago.
in an attempt to prevent the mechanical girl's entrance.
Their action already demonstrated this. And worst of all:
Her victim carried a wooden coin depicting an odd-looking tree with two people praying to it on either side and the words "Descendants of Yggdrasil" on the back. He also had a map of this entire facility on him, but with various markings signaling where she could easily enter and exit the facility without being detected.
Really??? This is some movie title-drop shenanigans; it's actually insulting the reader's intelligence like we can't piece this together from the moment it said tree.
It baffles me that 439 was housed in Site-031-2, a Natural Bioclimate containment site, when its main ability is regeneration by contact with biological matter; why in containment's name do you make their job doubly hard? As cool as a 550 breach may be to write about, it doesn't justify the Authority accommodating it with a potentially VERY EASY breach. In fact, I was confused the moment I read Site-031-2 that I assumed you added it willy nilly but no, this straight up ignores common sense as an excuse to write this specific scenario.
The conclusion isn't anything groundbreaking either, and barely sets anything up for a, frankly, boring conclusion. I find it funny how this ended up neutralizing it, which is the only good thing I can say about this tale.
/forum/t-13226337/mechanical-hedge-trimmer#post-