I'd like to thank Ball http://www.wikidot.com/user:info/ballyt for the edits and naming of this. A huge thanks to them
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I feel as though this needs some slight reworks, the clinical tone is lacking in certain places.
This article seems to lack clinical style, and ties in with a Goi unnecessarily at the end. The idea is interesting though.
2 now.
It's a mildly interesting and amusing idea, but it feels like it doesn't have much else going for it. It's *just* a slightly amusing idea, without any depth or substance beyond that. The insertion of the Church of Malthus at the end is particularly disappointing; two fanatical cults with conflicting ideas having to work together out of mutual interest could have made for some interesting material, but instead it just feels tacked on, and it also undermines the character of Cetace's Kin by making it look like they have to mooch off someone else to get anything done. If they're supposed to be a bunch of harmless loons that's OK, but that doesn't seem like what you were going for. Not to mention, the writing felt rather awkward and non-clinical overall, which drags the article down further. I gave this a 2/5, but honestly even that feels a bit generous.
(On a semi-related side note, this is currently listed as an article that only "references" Cetace's Kin on the group's hub. I'm not certain why that would be the case since this clearly is an article centered around them and their actions.)
Situation normal, Cap'n! Spiraling out of control!
/forum/t-13162704/rpc-605#post-