Its not just the clinical tone and formatting. The structure of your sentences is completely wrong. Like, for example, you got a paragraph that explains what RPC-272-3 is
RPC-272-3 denotes a piece of snow that has absorbed the corrosive substance produced dispensed [produced dispensed?] by the fingertips of RPC-272-1 and RPC-272-2. At this time, the substance is of unknown origin or chemical components.
AND ONE PARAGRAPH AFTER THIS
RPC-272-1 and -2 are capable of producing a corrosive substance absorbed by snow, designated RPC-272-3. RPC-272-3 comes through the fingertips of RPC-272-1 and -2, though no storage for RPC-272-3 has been found within RPC-272-1 and -2.
And there's so, so many things wrong with the grammar of the article. I could go on and on, but the worse isn't any of this. Nothing really happens in the article. Like, two kids show up and proceed to have snowball fights with corrosive snow. Okay, what happens next? Nothing! The Authority doesn't even consider neutralizing the kids, or what happens if you do so. So many questions are left unanswered, and the article just goes nowhere with what it establishes.
1 star, in dire need of a second critique stage because it's not worthy of being a mainlist article yet.