And He Must Always Hurt

Summary:

RCPA tale. Designed around the lovely new RCPA terminal theme. A secret policeman confronts a dissident.

And He Must Always Hurt

Ascriber 11 Feb 2020 17:05

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/ascribertales-no-19

RCPA tale, a secret policeman confronts a dissident. Tries to present a more human, flawed, self-reflective take on the RCPA from their own perspective. Introduces the Eyes (Four Eyes | ACI), the cross between gestapo and political commissars, the right hand of the Central government with a dark reputation. Also introduces a recurring character for future RCPA stories.

The password poem thing you see, I didn't write that. Full credit to Nabokov's Pale Fire.

The grammar and spelling errors in the first password sequence (almost right at the top) are intentional. Everything else you find is likely my mistake.

Many thanks to Fifth and Vizlox for creating the beautiful RCPA theme. I'll use the normal RPC theme for the other tales in this series (probably) but this terminal format is great for certain stories. And thank you for reading this.

Last edited on 11 Feb 2020 19:16 by Ascriber Show more

Re: And He Must Always Hurt

moist bread 11 Feb 2020 19:24

my critique shall be swift and painless

╏ AUTHORITY CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE | FOUR EYES

nitpick, however- isn't "four eyes" a schoolyard insult? is the rcpa terminal calling me a nerd?

Protau

is this a typo or a new lord word i didn't know about

i have no direct textual complaints with the large bit by the university guy, only a few background questions
what college is this and why do they have legit history books
how did they hide these books which seem to easily give people dissenting thoughts
how did they get big enough to have their own database with stuff like that

and also- "Eyes Central" just doesn't sit right, it sounds a little weird for a name

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this tale is basically just the dissident log and an interview log, so i can't really critique it in many ways i'd normally talk about a tale. but the problem with you is that you're too fucking competent to make any genuine mistakes in the interview or the big manifesto that i've ended up just nitpicking

very good, if on the shorter side

Re: And He Must Always Hurt

ieatcrepes 14 Feb 2020 02:22

+ show block

Alright, love the console css. Call me a sucker for it.
(Ahh the highlighting is so cool!)
okay okay…
…

On first read, the password is a bit on the try-hard edgy side. Like one or two items down the shelf from zalgo text imo. No biggie really.

I do wonder why there are black boxes in such a protected document.

the subject accordingly, they are to remove him from their immediate-action database.

The comma feels too weak here, maybe a semi-colon if you're into that kind of stuff; or a period otherwise imo.


I'd say "God" is a proper noun and should be capitalized, but I dig keeping it lowercase too.

The scales of justice of overloaded on both ends,

Just pointing this out to make sure the second "of" it isn't a typo.

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Not much at all to say here, which is great. I think you do a great job of natural dialogue and infusing it with a polish of prose, even some poetry. I think you dodge cliches really well in here — there are a couple of spots most writers would cause the eyes to roll.

I don't know a lot about this part of lore and I can't say the piece did anything for me emotionally or intellectually (besides being thoroughly entertaining in its vocabulary and composition), but this is a great piece and would be a pleasure to have on the site.