New article for AEP
Welp, here it is. Thanks to the AEP community for all the support they gave me, you guys are fantastic.
Marco Marchi B. Mark
Ordo Veri Crucis / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page Ordo Veri Crucis.
What can i say?I like it. A crusader faction for AEP seems really unique and (in my opinion) has lots of potential. This is definitely a lot better than the old AEP.I hope other guys finish their factions at some point as well.
(account deleted)Wether you’re just a stray soul or someone who recently
Whether*
The Order Of The across
The Order of the Cross*
members of order came from all the great orders of holy knights, such as the knights Templar.
members of the* order came from all the great orders of holy knights, such as the Knights* Templar.
organisation the AEP
comma separates between "organization" and "the"
Although religion was the main face of the AEP, now it is just one of the many faces.
WE are that face.
These two statements contradict one another.
Nix the "s" from informations.
You are not to unnecessarily come in contact with other faction’s personnel unless your work requires it.
Sentence suffers from a double negative. Nix the "unnecessarily" and you would retain the same information.
If you need the specificity, you can end the line with ", unless instructed otherwise by your superiors."
You are to take part you religious celebrations
in your* religious celebrations
querrell
quarrel*
they cover the role of responding the call
responding to* the call
possible problem.
problems*
They take care of writing entries for our holy archives, making researches, forging weapons for our knights, guarding and handling information.
This sentence is weirdly worded. You can reword this to "They write entries for our holy archives, conduct research, forge weapons for our knights, guard and handle information distribution."
My reasoning for this is that if you remove the "take care of" from the sentence and remove the "ing" words that express an active voice, the information provided will be clearer.
I’d like to address this, although obvious: DO NOT annoy any member of The Order Of The Cross, never, just don’t
The "although obvious" is unneeded and the colon can be replaced with a comma as your not starting a list or a new sentence.
Second, why wouldn't a member want to NOT annoy other members? Is there a better synonym for the word annoy such as "interfere"? Third, we're never really given a reason for this outside of "-5" stating such.
Our three knights orders have all each and different ranks that they use to distinguish each other:
I'm very confused by this sentence. Did you mean to say all three of your orders each have these ranks?
Additionally, this was never explicitly stated, but is this document on the order written in modern times? You use words like "Trooper" yet also use photos of different members dressed in plate armor.
There are other errors spread throughout the piece, but those were the standouts for me. I suggest ironing out the spelling and grammar issues prior to final posting.
It was hard to read. Combined with that, they didn't seem like an interesting addition to the "Incomplete History of the Authority" canon or the AEP.
1/5.
Not a native speaker and got it reviewed, so I’m surprised they let this stuff pass. I had read it countless times and never noticed it.
As for the final thing, I guess it’s just you…Von said it’s fine so I trust him.
Thanks for feedback
Marco Marchi B. Mark
That's fine. I'm not saying it shouldn't be associated. But there needs to be more going on here for me to vote higher is all.
Cheers and good luck with your work.
I totally understand…variety is a thing, after all. I hope you will appreciate future works better than this.
Marco Marchi B. Mark
As much as I love the idea of a crusader portion of the AEP, I cannot deny that this conflicts with one of the current articles, 503. As the writer of said article, I would prefer not to have my article indirectly incorporated into the AEP, as that was not my intention.
Besides, the Teutons did their own thing for a long while after the crusades, and were much more concerned with the north. You could pick a better order instead, like the Knights of Santiago.
Overall, I like it, but the conflicts in lore are an issue that needs to be dealt with.
Well, if you do not agree on having your RPC involved, I will keep it out.
I see the Teutons of the order as more of “splinters”, they aren’t actual Templars, Hospitalliers and Teutons, they just carry their appearance and traditions…it’s more of a way to identify each other.
Marco Marchi B. Mark
/forum/t-12851117/ordo-veri-crucis#post-