Big thanks to Enkrum does not match any existing user name for critting this article.
This is my first RPC that I decided to post. I don't know if I should've waited longer or done it now, but here it is.
Anyways, the image was found on Wikimedia Commons:
EDIT: The entire site's theme is glitching at the time if writing. It's not just this page.
I started this draft as an SCP one, but decided to move it over to the RPC site instead.
I did not know about Amazing! Co at this time, but I was planning to change the references to Damien Co to GEAR after I had figured this out. Enkrum, or CEO of Jojo on the Discord said it seemed like a good GoI, and that I didn't have to replace the words though, so I just rolled with it. I will change it if I am required to do so.
This format is incredibly difficult to read, at least on my screen. Monospace text is really hard on the eyes for longer formats.
I stand by my previous assertion that Damien Co is nothing new and that this would fit better with one of the preexisting GoIs. No vote until I can read this without going blind.
I updated the font, should be better now.
I will probably change the mentions of Damien Co to GEAR, and change up the story. I'll have to do that later on, though.
For at least me particularly, white on black is still very difficult to read. A light grey is much easier.
The color for the body is #c0c0c0, which is a very light gray. I'll consider changing it if I find a better color to use.
EDIT: Changed the color to #b3b3b3. It's only slightly darker, but it works well.
and resembles a shape similar to human intestines.
Without the photo I would be confused with this description. I suggest changing it to something like "twisting tubular formation" maybe
and their vital functions subsequently cease.
Why? Do they absorb something from the anomaly?
Nice first anomaly on RPC. I hope to see more!
I'm glad you liked it, and I will be looking forward to making more!
An unfortunate truth of reviewing is that I sometimes must say to people who put a lot of effort into something or really like it that I think it sucks. Though I would love to lift people up all the time, I can't be a good reviewer if I don't express, with equal clarity, my occasional distate. Often times, the critique falls into some of the same old categories: the anomaly doesn't make sense, the dialogue is bad, the proofreading is lazy, etc.
I picked this article from a list of eventual review candidates because I wanted the opportunity to spotlight a flawed work that took risks and that I personally appreciated. This article is ridiculous on the face of it, with a corny thing-that-kills-you for no reason, a made-up GOI, and paper-thin characters with motivations often inevident, yet I can't bring myself to hate it.
The group has no place in the broader universe, and no motivation for its existence either; "selling people random anomalous/dangerous objects as art" sounds like a bastardized combo of KK and the Academy, invented for the sake of attaching their name to any old anomaly that has no useful qualities. However, the group works for the story. Contrary to expectations, it becomes more than just a one-off mention or background setpiece and exudes a narrative uniqueness that a GOI introduction should have.
The other redeeming factor is the concept and the twist therein. Plot twists in of themselves are kind of a "meme", so I believe there would be merit for me to touch on why they work. The understandable common misconception about twists is that they should be "unpredictable" and make the author "seem smart". In reality, a good twist will feel powerful even if the reader can see it coming. The truth is in the name; think "new twist on an old classic": a twist keeps something dynamic and invites a viewer's attention. Regardless of if it's new to the reader, it still redefines the story's own world. This article's twist turns the story on its head, and in that sense, it passes with flying colors, even given that it was dropped in with the precision of the tenth round of beer pong. An expectation was set up, subverted, and deepened; it's not a poorly-played hand.
In the end, the premise is a wild one that feels right at home in the shifty world of the author: a man of once-great power, dead, revived as a mere piece of furniture by those once under him doing the only thing they knew, denied memories of his past identity to keep him tentatively content with his permanent prison. It may not be a good write-up, but it's a good story. I would've appreciated ten times more polish, but somehow this maintains my dubious recommendation. 3/5
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