RPC-XXX "Guardian Kelp"
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/ball It is in the tab with the corresponding name
RPC-XXX "Guardian Kelp"
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» RPC-XXX "Guardian Kelp"
Summary:
A kelp forest that acts of its own accord
Well, I am no official critic, but I have to say I don't find this very interesting.
Firstly, there are alot of spelling and grammatical errors, with sentences that don't make sense, though I was able to decipher their meaning
Also, there's no real hook, it's just a clonal colony of kelp and if they die it's not really dead, and the mention of a whole new GoI doesn't help. I cannot infer anything about it from the article or the anomaly. If they are guardians, what or who are they guarding? Why are the men not actively opposing the containment of the anomaly?
Sorry M8, you should definitely keep working on this.
This critique doesn't really give me anywhere to go, and doesn't give any examples of most of the problems you indicated, but there's a few things I want to say. The GoI isn't created by me, I was helping a guy get the GoI to be canon before the GoI freeze was enacted. The guy told me that the GoI was passive people that wouldn't resist the containment of the anomalies they made. The kelp are guarding the kelp forest ecosystem, I thought that was a pretty obvious thing given that that is explained in the third paragraph of the description. In any case, the name "Guardian Kelp" is just the name that was to be used on the Mainlist.
Containment Protocols: RPC-XXX is to be contained in a large aquatic containment chamber with no exposure to the surface. The ceiling of the chamber is to be located 10 meters above the surface of the water. An artificial kelp forest ecosystem is to be maintained within the enclosure. A day Add forward slash night cycle should be simulated within the chamber to prevent any unforeseen consequences of deviating from the natural ecosystem. Weather within the chamber should be monitored.
RPC-XXX-alpha is to be held in a standard Beta-class anomaly containment chamber. The chamber and its weather should remain under remote observation at all times. Weather within the chamber should be monitored. You should specify what site RPC-XXX is contained at. Imagine being an Authority employee, reading this file, and then thinking "Wait, where is this thing contained? Where am I supposed to go? AAAAAAA"
Description: RPC-XXX is the collective designation given to 17 16 kelp vines of the genus Macrocystis. These vines are identical to non-anomalous kelp vines in appearance. Remove period, add comma However, RPC-XXX is instances are capable of movement. It RPC-XXX instances normally chooses choose to replicate the natural movements of kelp plants, however can move in any manner that is necessary. In addition, RPC-XXX is capable of uprooting itself and relocating. Relocation usually occurs when the environment becomes unsuitable for RPC-XXX, causing all instances of RPC-XXX to relocate.
All of these qualities appear to serve the purpose of maintaining a perpetual ecosystem. RPC-XXX instances will relocate themself themselves should their current location become unsuitable. Any organisms living in proximity to RPC-XXX will usually relocate with them should the they be able to, however this is thought to be due to the needs of the organisms and not as an additional anomalous property of RPC-XXX. This allows RPC-XXX to essentially relocate its ecosystem. In addition, RPC-XXX instances will react violently, though not lethally, to the presence of non-native species, keeping them out of the ecosystem. RPC-XXX instances do not react violently to humans, however. Finally, the natural rain storms above RPC-XXX serve the function of filtering water and keeping it ideal, while the storms remain light enough so as not to block the sun.
RPC-XXX-alpha Capitalize "alpha", or replace it with its symbol, "α". is a deceased instance of RPC-XXX. It exhibits black discoloration consistent with dried kelp. Despite its apparent death, RPC-XXX-alpha continues to exhibit both of its anomalous traits. However, its behavior is altered significantly. RPC-XXX-alpha will react with extreme violence to the presence of a human. It will attempt to choke or constrict any human it becomes aware of, which will lead to death without intervention. It continues to release water vapor, which does not have altered behavior. How does the Authority know this thing is dead? For all we know, it could just be disguising itself. It still attacks people and releases water vapor.
Addendum-XXX-A: RPC-XXX was originally discovered when a light rainstorm was spotted 10 meters above the surface of the water off the coast of [REDACTED] Unnecessary redaction. Initially thought to be a minor anomalous weather phenomenon, investigation revealed two men on a wooden raft below the site. The men greeted Authority personnel and claimed to be members of the Group of Interest “The sons Sons of Yggdrasil”. They explained that the storm was being caused by the kelp vines below their raft and that said vines had been recently released. Further investigation revealed this to be the case, as an isolated kelp forest ecosystem was found located below the raft, containing 17 instances of RPC-XXX. The men stated that no other instances of RPC-XXX existed. Authority personnel proceeded to watch the site until the containment chamber had been constructed. When construction was completed, the RPC-XXX instances were captured and moved to Site-095 where the chamber was located. The men expressed disappointment towards the RPC-XXX instances being taken into Authority custody, however did not interfere with the transfer.
Incident-XXX-B: During the transfer of RPC-XXX to Site-095, the final transfer ships was were hindered by the presence of rough weather. Upon arriving at Site-095, one of the RPC-XXX instances was found to have expired during the transfer. When Authority personnel attempted to dispose of the RPC-XXX instance, it reanimated and strangled one of the men and began to constrict another. Site-095's re-containment team arrived and restrained this instance of RPC-XXX before it could complete the constriction. Both men survived. It was later classified as RPC-XXX-alpha and contained separately from the standard RPC-XXX instances.
Alright. I thought it was neat. The main idea and imagery of the article was cool, and the Containment Protocols and Description are solid. It's nice and short.
H O W E V E R
I do think there were some problems. First of all, the separate object classes for RPC-XXX and -alpha are extremely jarring. Just have it as Beta-Orange and be done with it. No need for the special designations and what-not.
I also think the inclusion of the Sons of Yggdrasil felt a bit… forced? I mean, why are they there? All it is is two members explaining what's going on and then never being mentioned again in the article apart from being slightly disappointed. The GoI inclusion just feels unnecessary, and the article could stand on its own without a GoI in it.
I think RPC-XXX-alpha is a bit out of place. The article starts with a kinda beautiful depiction of walking kelp that creates ecosystems, but then suddenly it goes like "whOOPS, THERE'S A SCARY MONSTER NOW!!!". It's adding extra bits to an article that's good enough on its own. Or maybe I'm wrong and this does add something to the article, who knows.
All in all, I'd probably give this 3 stars if it was on the site in its current state. Get some more criticism on this.
oh yeah yeah
I removed -alpha from the article because I realized I haven't written anything that isn't dangerous for over a year and thought something that is safer would be fresh. Plus -alpha was causing a lot of issues like the double classification. The Sons are now the only thing focused on at the end of the article so it shouldn't feel like they are thrown in and then never mentioned again. Hopefully it also clearer that the reason they are there is because they created it since that group is based around creating helpful plants.
"An artificial kelp forest ecosystem is to be maintained within the enclosure."
Are there any inclusions of native wildlife species? Fishes or whatnot.
"RPC-XXX serve the function (OF) filtering water and keeping it ideal,"
I have a huge issue of logic with this. How is it filtering the water exactly? All it's doing is making the water evaporate and come back down into the seawater, how does it get rid of the toxins and heavy metals or whatnot that's still in the water? It's like distilling muddy water, only to pour the purified water back into the mud.
I don't mind the concept, but the "filtration" thing really needs a re-think.
/forum/t-12515008/rpc-xxx-guardian-kelp#post-
