JUST TO BE THE MAN WHO WALKS 500 MILES
TO FALL DOWN AT YOUR DOOR
blabbo
BUT I WOULD WALK 500 MILES
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» BUT I WOULD WALK 500 MILES
Summary:
AND I WOULD WALK 500 MORE
BY ORDER OF THE GLOBAL DIRECTORS
I prefer THE BOARD but you do you my man.
Due to its nature, RPC-000 is currently uncontained.
Specify if it even can be contained here.
In the event of either of the devices being removed by an outside force, they are to be replaced as soon as possible.
In the event of either device being removed
MST Quebec-34 will be notified and travel to RPC-000's current location.
Is to be notified. CPs are Instructions, not Descriptions.
Through the use of a 5-meter tall wall on a wheeled stand, RPC-000 will be redirected to a different location, away from civilians.
wat
Please elaborate on this further, it look a good few minutes from me to get an accurate picture, and even then it seems a bit comical. I don't think you need to go into too much detail here, but I'd flirt with alternate routes for guidance here.
has not stopped walking but has shown signs of extreme dehydration, starvation, and fatigue.
I'd say appears to be extremely dehydrated, emaciated, and fatigued. Just rolls more with tone.
Addendum looks good.
A good article through and through, aside from my aforementioned complaints.
also nice 000 :lmao:
RPC-000 does not respond to outside stimuli from other individuals, and attempts in conversing with RPC-000 have always been met with failure.
This is the same same effect occurs for any surface that is too slippery for RPC-000 to climb.
Well, that was enjoyable. It was well written and a neat concept on the song. The only thing I can think to add is some more hints as to who is forcing this guy to walk. Are there any other clues as to what force is doing this? Has anything else happened?
I say this because, while the article is good, it leaves little impact. Granted, it doesn't have to, but it's up to you what you want this article to be.
If you want this article to be short and sweet, then you're good to go the way it is now.
If you want it to be more memorable, then I would suggest a few additions to add a little more information and depth, for lack of a better word.
Either way, well done.
At the end, instead of "where he lied" it should be something like "where he fell" or "where he once lay" past tense of lay and all.
Aside from that, perhaps elaborate on why it is impossible to contain him. The MSTs would definitely have tried, go into detail as to why the attempts fail.
Also, instead of a camera, the MSTs would likely attach a gps tracking device to help monitor him.
Overall its short and sweet, but it needs a bit more bite.
Interesting piece, but there are a few things you could do to make this better.
First of, Discovery. How did they first hear about this? its a simple question but it could help create intrigue.
Second off maybe detail some of the things the Authority have done to try and stop this person. like you mention boxing him in, but that's about it. did they ever try fixing weights onto him? How about sampling things like blood? Does it even bleed?
and the last thing is a bit of a nitpick, but i see the link to the wikimedia image at the bottom of the page, kinda ruins immersion. Maybe stick it in the discussion page when thing thing's ready.
Once again, i like this piece. Short and simple but leaving the person with great intrigue.
Thanks for the criticism, but the wikimedia link at the bottom is just for the draft. It won't be in the actual article.
blabbo
/forum/t-12505419/but-i-would-walk-500-miles#post-