RPC - "Queens"

RPC - "Queens"

(account deleted) 07 Sep 2019 04:33

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/baubius-crack-den

pls crit ;~; uwu ewe

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~Baubi

Re: RPC - "Queens"

ArabNinja 07 Sep 2019 18:38

CRITIQUE

-"In the event that RPC-XXX comes into contact with the water, the temperature of the room will be lowered to −55 °C" Since the entity is susceptible to electricity it would probably make more sense to have the water be under electrical current in case of containment breach.

-"There were 0 deaths and 1 casualty during this incident" - "casualty" refers to an incident in which someone has died or a victim of the accident who died. This can be changed to "injured victim"

-In "Incident XXX.3" the "<End Log>" part seems to be in a wrong place

-"Exploration Log XXX.1" is described to be "heavily distorted", to show that you could make parts of the dialogue unintelligible to show it more, unless these parts are supposed to be clear.

-Personally, an information if separate queens' voices are different or the same would be welcome.

Overall there isn't much I would change, this is a very well made RPC and the stuff I wrote above is mostly nitpicking or small mistakes.

Re: RPC - "Queens"

Alex Mercer Fan Club 07 Sep 2019 21:21

the only thing wrong about this tale, s that

- There were 0 deaths and 1 casualty during this incident
casuality refers to death people, you can use injured for it
other than that, this RPC is wonderfull and has some of the best stories in forms of exploration logs