RPC-275 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page RPC-275.

Redtide 14 Aug 2019 01:59

In the containment protocols, the measurements threw me off a bit, maybe mention in the description how big the island is. This can help the reader relate how big the scale of this is and maybe help legitimise the almost absurd scale of the exclusion zone.

In the protocols you also use this word "aglicon". That word seems to be Romanian in nature, and I suspect you meant to use the word "Anglican"

"The island mass itself is memetic in nature"
define "mass". I don't see how it fits in this context, talking about the island's discovery that is.
and also add an S to the end of island so it becomes "Island's". It makes it correct.

"The many creatures and plants found within the island are identical to their mainland counterparts. However, they are biologically immortal, still subjected to death by other means, but can live biologically forever."
This may be a nitpick but i feel these 2 sentences could be rewritten to flow better.

just a little formatting thing, "Prunus avium” should be in italics to show its in latin.

“See Class-B-Event For Further Details.” Why does it have Quotation marks around it?

Saw this on the description of the fountain "In the middle of the fountain is a cupid angle" i think you meant "Cupid Angel"?

" Below the main fountain, rests a stone tablet, which has the "
The commas feel redundant here, removing them would help the flow

" From time to time, the text on the tablet will change, always in a way according to both its current situation, and always directed to personnel physically on the island. "
Here too the commas are used in a weird way. Should look like:
" From time to time the text on the tablet will change, always in a way according to both its current situation and always directed to personnel physically on the island. "

"The tablet will appear to be printed with what seems to be nonsensical writings.. "
Double full stop at the end

" However, at random, and during both Class-A and Class-B events, the tablet will change, instead to be written"
Should be:
" However, at random intervals and during both Class-A and Class-B events the tablet will change. Instead to be written"

"RPC-275, between the hours of 1pm and 7pm on every day of the week, excluding Sundays and Class-F events, is completely static, unless physically contact is made. However, starting at 7pm, the anomaly will begin to show activity, each hour of the night, the activity shown by RPC-275"
Should be:
"RPC-275 between the hours of 1pm and 7pm on every day of the week, excluding Sundays and Class-F events, is completely static unless physically contact is made. At 7pm the anomaly will begin to show activity for the next 5 hours. The activity shown"

The hazards of 275-1 are bold, formatting nitpick.

That's all the crit i can give for now, i'll continue with it another time

Redtide 17 Aug 2019 10:12

2nd half of the crit:

"The anomaly will then begin to anomalously bubble perfectly clean, non-anomalous drinking water" Using anomalous again like that sounds bad, maybe just cut it out so it becomes:
"The anomaly will then begin to bubble perfectly clean, non-anomalous drinking water"

"It will then fly off of the fountain, and anomalously vanish into the sky"
I'm noticing you use the word "Anomalously" a lot for actions. I recommend cutting nearly all the times you use it because its extremely redundant in a lot of its uses.

All of the rest of the times (9pm-12am) have the formatting wrong and i can see the asterisks. Fix it up so the formatting is right.

"At which point, RPC-275 will become visibly distressed"
Perhaps say "The Cupid head will become visibly distressed"?
Cause right now it sounds like the cupid itself is the main anomaly.

After reading a bit further, i have to ask if having a smaller RPC article for the 275-1 instances was really necessary. There's tons of reasons why i think the description of the 275 instances should be in one paragraph, but i'll debate this point if you really want to on the discord.

" Class-B events have only been observed before, or right after RPC-275's active phase. At which point, if any entity were to interact with RPC-275 physically, or not. RPC-275 will manifest a single RPC-275-1 instance."
The grammar in this is really bad. It should be closer to this:
" Class-B events have only been observed before or right after RPC-275's active phase, triggered by any entity interacting with RPC-275. RPC-275 will manifest a single RPC-275-1 instance."

"RPC-275 will summon another instance every 3 minutes, to a recorded maximum of █28 instances."
This could be changed a little to:
"RPC-275 will summon another instance every 3 minutes with the current recorded maximum being █28 instances."

" All RPC-275-1 instances manifested before-hand will de-manifest at the strike of 12:00 am, with only bells being heard anomalously in the distance at 12:00 a.m. and 12:00 a.m. for exactly 1 minute, at which point, RPC-275 will resume normal activity."
This doesn't make that much sense when i read through it carefully. Here's my attempt to reword it:
"All RPC-275-1 instances manifested before-hand will de-manifest at the strike of 12:00 am alongside the sounds of faraway bells. The bells will continue for exactly 1 minute, then RPC-275 will resume normal activity."

" It will then begin to snow, in tropical Guatemala"
that last part could be reworded to be much more clinical:
"It will then begin to snow despite the regional weather and tropical climate."

Upon readin the event log, i have to ask:
Does the Authority hold a site on the island? If so, can you state it in the containment protocols? It'd help with he reader being able to imagine the island in their mind.

"With guidance from RPC-█████,CSD-8671 was able to breach security,"
Wait, they keep other anomalies on this island site? That seems like a really bad move if any of them are sentient/sapient. If it isn't supposed to be another anomaly, maybe explain how the cupid told him to break out, when he told him, etc.

"Father █████: [Ok then, why do you kill people who attempt to disturb RPC-xx]"
Just fix that up, the RPC-XX

"<End Log, [[4/3/19██ 9:45 AM]]"
You forgot the ">" at the end of both hte "Begin log" and "end log"

Overall i really like this idea and it certainly blew my expectations out of the water, i thought i was just getting a fountain of youth, but i got so much more. All i really could point out was grammar, clinical and formatting mishaps along with a asking for a bit of clarification here and there. If you fix these up it'll help improv the quality and hopefully turn a few more heads.

I'll be giving it a 3 for now cause the errors would be really easy to fix. I'll raise the rating once clarifications are given.

Last edited on 17 Aug 2019 10:14 by Redtide Show more

thewolf66 28 Aug 2019 14:57

At a first reading this was an amazing RPC but alas the more I think of the religious background of it all the less sense it makes. The final interview log reveals too much for its own good I am afraid.
The RPC-275-1 instance appears to hold largely Gnostic views on creation but despite its supernatural knowledge about the interviewing Orthodox priest it assumes him to be an ally of Apollyon(RPC-275 itself?) and hold similar views. Despite the failure of this interview the authority has not updated the containment protocols to replace the apostolic priest on stand-by with a Gnostic one.
It also seems weird that RPC-275-1 instances consider murder mercy, because it frees the soul from the material prison but the "reward" for surviving 275's daily cycle is access to the fountain of youth and inevitably longer lifespan.

DoubleDenial 14 Mar 2023 23:39

This started out with an interesting hook, but as it progressed it got progressively more tedious to read. Many parts of the article are bogged down with references to loopy "Event Classes", and the end result feels dull and directionless. The containment events are just length for the sake of length.

What really killed the appeal for me is how the anomaly doesn't have internal logic that lines up in a satisfying way. Yes, I learned something new at the end, but what does it matter? The anomaly acts one way and speaks in another. The same being that believes physical life is a curse will reward people with youth. In addition, the writing is subtly off, employing things like comma splices and misplaced capitalization that only obfuscate it further.

Were this structured more wisely I may have rated above deletion, but as it was this is not a worthwhile read. 2/5