Finally, some development for Amazing! Co. and GEAR

Finally, some development for Amazing! Co. and GEAR

0ktober 26 Jun 2019 04:38

http://some-private-sandbox.wikidot.com/amazing

Re: Finally, some development for Amazing! Co. and GEAR

(account deleted) 26 Jun 2019 05:56

k

time for crit

click me retard

1st Part

It reads nicely, and is all and all pretty interesting. It's nice to finally have some context on how the GoIs interact on a personal level. However, this Trump subplot seems wasted here. It's not really as important, but I feel it would make the tale more of a gem. Also, he had to be orange.

2nd Part

At first I thought the Amazing worker's speech was just extremely broken, like v112 had written it. But then Viz told me in DMs that it was an Amazing person speaking. I would reccommend making this more clear somehow, my suggestion being to change their font to Comic Sans. Aside from that, it's kind of clunky, like how it switches from Amazing dialogue to GEAR dialogue without anything in between to break it up. The pacing feels a bit too fast for a stealth operation. Also, they kind of just waltz out of there, and the boss is the only one who tries to stop them. That's a bit strange– then again, this is Amazing Co.. Still pretty funny.

3rd Part

I haven't read the Failsafe tale yet, so I'm blind. It's a decent ending, though AEP isn't really fleshed out here (then again I haven't read the tale, so…).

This article is good 4 stars

---

~Baubi