The Beast And The Man / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page The Beast And The Man.

My first tale

JimmyJohnJohnson 15 Jun 2019 23:45

I actually wrote this almost a year ago on a whim way before even knowing about RPC’s existence and when I learned about this site I thought it was a good place to post it
Thanks TheGreatTarbolin69 and dattop on the discord for criticizing this

And thanks Croal for helping me with the grammatical errors and the criticism to

Von Pincier 16 Jun 2019 04:28

I'm glad you finally got it posted! Still needs some work though.

• "it's tears" should be "its"
• Phrases before quotations end in commas, "like this."
• You've got some run-on sentences, like the one beginning with "Tsk", (which should probably be italicized, and the one beginning with "you shall lay here", and also the one beginning with "He felt terrible"
• "too stop" should be "to stop"
• "was void of even stars" good descriptor, but doesn't read well. Might I suggest "void, even of stars"?
• "nothing will ever come." this is in the wrong tense- shouldn't it be "would ever come"?

JimmyJohnJohnson 16 Jun 2019 06:03

Thanks and I’ll fix it when I have the chance I have low charge at the moment and my bad for asking but shouldn’t you rate the page?

JimmyJohnJohnson 16 Jun 2019 08:31

Ok I fixed some of the things you pointed out but I did mostly keep it worded the same tho because I thought it was fine thanks again

Abbefalkon 01 Jul 2023 15:54

Its short and pretty nice to read through, but I don't really know what it is? It doesn't fit into the RPC universe, so I can only imagine that its either completely original or inspired by some other source (which I would like to know of, by the way!). Also, Von Pincer suggested some improvements which would help, don't really know why you glossed over many of them.
2/5

MF_TOMB 29 Jul 2023 23:06

Looks unfinished, and what I can see isn’t that good.