As I said, I love the article, and I really like how you took a simple concept: "Licking your wounds" and made it great. I still think you need to work on your formatting more, as that may put people off from it, by using some quote boxes when you list such as
When RPC-226-2 comes into contact with a mammal, one of two (2) scenarios will occur:
1. If the subject is in a calm or otherwise positive cognitive state when interacting with RPC-226, RPC-226-2 will display extreme regenerative properties. Any and all wounds, internal or external, will be mended and reverted back to a normal functioning state. There currently does not appear to be any limitations to this effect, regardless of how serious a wound is or how long it has existed.
2. If the subject exhibits an aggressive, anxious, or otherwise negative cognitive state, RPC-226-2 will display anomalous and instantaneous reduction-oxidation over the area that RPC-226-2 is in contact with. Currently there are no substances that can dilute or prevent this reaction, although further testing with RPC-███ and element [REDACTED] has been requested and is awaiting approval.
(For further reading, see experiment log)
I just think it really helps break up the monotony of text.
Lingua papillae doesn't have to be italicized my dude, and a footnote would help some of the less gifted around here. Superb work my dude, you earned your 5 stars! :ggezclap:
Lots of tonal errors, and excessive redaction that adds nothing to the article. Sorry, but I'm gonna have to lowvote for this. +1
blabbo
What specifically did you feel like was too redacted or broke the tone?
Such as this part:
It is theorized that RPC-226 may be a direct result of the containment breach at [DATA EXPUNGED] in the summer of 19██. This occurred due to the Authority's use of element [REDACTED] on ███████, causing multiple containment breaches at █████████████. RPC-██ and ███ proceeded to █████████████████ ██████████████████████████████████, leading to several reactor failures and leaks of Element ███, devastating an area of approximately 2███ square kilometers.
There's also lots of awkward paragraphing, and it just feels messy.
RPC-226 was discovered wandering approximately fifteen (15) meters from [REDACTED].
At first contact, RPC-226 showed no signs of hostility towards the expedition. Alternatively, RPC-226s behavior was subservient, approaching Dr. Fora and making contact with the doctor's hand. It was at this point that RPC-226 displayed anomalous properties via RPC-226-2.
Dr. Fora was previously missing several fingers from his left hand. Almost immediately after contact with RPC-226-2, Dr. Fora's fingers slowly began to regrow.
Dr. Fora proceeded to contact additional Authority personnel, including MST Bravo-4, to relocate RPC-226 to [REDACTED] of the Ural Mountains.
RPC-226 was compliant during the process, with one exception.
The final note at the end of the article also feels a bit lackluster, and I don't really feel like it adds anything to the article. Vote changed to a 2 now.
blabbo
This is messy, but I really like the idea. One thing I'd like to recommend is at least change it to Beta (since it's sentient), add footnotes to some of the nomenclature, and consistently space out your paragraphs. With a little more editing and a few grammatical rewrites this would be a +4 or +5.
Also if you want to use hazard picotgrams for your hazard types, feel free to use this.
Thanks! I'm adding some more footnotes now. With the paragraphs, originally I had spaced them out quite a bit, but it felt way too long and clunky, so I'm trying to find the right balance. I'll space a few and see what it looks like.
I suppose I have two main issues.
1: It's a bit "amateur". By that, I mean that the article is formatted in a strange way, with the blocks of text being with different and inconsistent spacing. There are gigantic chunks of text, with opportunities to make it a new paragraph all the time, while there are also paragraphs that end a bit prematurely, and would work best linked up with the next paragraph.
2: It kind of goes nowhere to an extent. So, it's a creature who's saliva can heal or kill, which is decent. But the narrative seems to go nowhere.
I'm afraid I have to 1 this for the moment. Fixing the first issue would certainly make me rerate.
Good luck! And again, I'm sorry.
Thanks for the critique. When I first wrote this I had many paragraphs, and it felt way too long. Then I condensed them and I agree, it feels a little clunky now that I look at it. I'm trying to find that in between. Changing it now.
I think this was a very delightful article! I very much like the idea of a good boy having a good and bad side. Everything in here did what they were supposed to do, with a pinch of mystery here and there. I especially loved the ending. Makes me worry that the yin and yang is a lot more powerful in a good and indirect way.
Unfortunately, the main problem with the article is I think a lot of it could be formatted better. A couple of paragraphs can be spaced between like
the Plantae kingdom.
Although this substance
And
without further incidents.
Upon initial containment,
The experiment logs could also be spaced out as well. Oh yeah and one more thing.
By order of GD-██, testing with RPC-226-2 will be suspended until further notice.
This suddenly just comes abrupt after the experiment logs? There isn't any reason given or catastrophe that happened during the experiments.
In conclusion, 4 stars, but probably can be 5 stars if formatted nicer.
(account deleted)