Page 1: Overview
Your briefing on this page is good; no notable mistakes visible.
But you'd think that the Authority would deploy an NCO or an officer in tow that isn't as imperative or high-ranking as a Colonel. A Sergeant alone would be sufficient enough of a rank to guide these men into such a scenario, especially considering the size of this detachment.
Page 2: Op. Map
Just a map visible, so no concerns there in terms of grammar.
Page 3: Comm. Transcripts
Understood. Gathering local flora for camouflage.
You'd think the Authority would deploy a reconnaissance detachment to analyze and scout the terrain and then provide the information so that they could manufacture ghillie suits for them at a later operation.
Freeze! You stay standing there or you're a dead man. Identify yourself!
Bit of a choppy warning, I'd just recommend: "Freeze! Don't bloody move. Identify yourself!"
I WILL PAY TWO HUNDRED TO THE MAN THAT SHUTS THAT FUCKER UP!
Same here, change: "TWO-HUNDRED TO THE GUY THAT SHUTS THE FUCKFACE UP!"
Page 4: Post-Op Debrief
Note for the higher-ups: I will conclude this interview abruptly, if I find Private Tomlinson cannot handle the debrief. He is human, and returning to a hell you escaped is not an easy thing to do.
The foreword has a bit of a choppy flow to it, I'd recommend something like: "To clarify, the interview will be terminated if Private Tomlinson is either uncooperative or unable to continue, given his recent situation."
Yes, sir. I haven't been out of the school for a year, and yet, I feel like I've done a tour because of this nightmare alone.
Same here, a bit too artificial: "Yes, sir. Kinda feels like I just got out of an entire tour."
I understand. Speaking of this nightmare, I hate to go back to it while it's an open wound, but it's important we do this as quickly as possible for accuracy's sake.
Change to: "I understand, but it's important that we review what you and your squad encountered. We need an accurate account of what transpired."
While you were physically recovering, we listened to the recording several times. We are certain it was a SPAAC, so if you're anxious about court-martial, breathe easy.
Replace 'While you were physically recovering' -> 'During your recovery.' Change tense at 'are' substitute 'were.' Remove the consolation regarding the court-martial.
From the moment you called for extraction in that firefight to exfil, we need you to fill in what you can.
Condense to: "We need your account from the time you called for extraction to your exfil."
the colonel
Be consistent in your capitalization.
After Sojo was lifted by the colonel, thoughts raced through me about what I should do. I will admit that I was silently panicking when I heard the jamming feedback.
Change to: "So, after Sojo got picked up by the Colonel, I was back there wondering what to do next. But the second we heard that jamming feedback, I started panicking."
At this point, the likeliest outcome I saw was us being completely fucked. I became one with the forest floor, sir. I stayed like that for most of the time gap you mentioned.
Condense to: "At that point, we were absolutely fucked. I hugged the dirt as much as I could, so I didn't get a view of what happened."
While he was fucking up Sojo, he began his louder, curdling screams of pain.
Change to: "So while he was fucking up Sojo, he started screaming in pain."
jam made his anomalous episode worse
Remove 'anomalous.' Flows more smoothly, anyway.
A body with little water and no food for over two days isn't something you sleep off.
I'd condense this a little: "You were severely dehydrated when we found you. A nightly bunk isn’t going to fix that."
A fair piece; pace of the story and interview log is okay as well. My main concern is dialogue structure and wording, as indicated prior much of it sounds a bit bumpy or artificial. For now, consider my suggestions and see how they connect with the remainder of the dialogue. Now, this can strike a cord with your pickier readers, as they'll feel that the diction is disrupting the flow of the story and it would dissuade them from reading the story.
This is getting there. But for now, while you got two critiques, I'd recommend a few others look over it for one more clarification and see if they could find any errors or provide any suggestions that I may have missed.
(account deleted)