RPC-368 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page RPC-368.

ICFD 01 Jun 2019 22:45

Photo of Tank: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Hitler-gustav-railway-gun.jpg

Special thanks to Dr. Pierson, KaiserXI and HF Dummie for crit.

Hope you guys like it

GrammerPoliseCheif 10 Jul 2019 07:01

It's a very interesting take on an old wartime photo.

Just two points for crit:

Intelligence and intelligence gathering regarding any instance

"intelligence gathering" needs the dash between them (intelligence-gathering).

Mr. Oswald: Hello Major

Missing a fullstop.

ICFD 11 Jul 2019 00:20

fixed

0ktober 19 Mar 2020 19:16

There are minor grammar issues throughout and the tone feels non-clinical in places. I feel like the interaction between the four groups could have been taken in an interesting direction, but wasn't. Same goes for the discussion log between the four entities. The dialog felt really out of place as it was weirdly comedic. It could have worked if you kept a less-serious tone for the full article, or even just the rest of the article following that log.

The interview with the GARD mole is a pretty cliche interrogation log for EOIs. "You fools…. all fools…. haha we're going beat the RPC…. fools… I was a mole and you had no idea haha…….. haha now I'm done talking because I'm loyal to my group… even though I just helped you to find fatal security flaws….. haha.."

There's no reason to have MI13 and FOA in here if you aren't going to use them extensively. If the first thing you're communicating to the reader is that there's this four-way battle to get all the pieces, the rest of the article should be about that. Instead, it was just GARD.

Funhouse 06 Jun 2024 14:51

This one feels like a -J article. I especially love the opposing personalities of the RPC, it holds some truth from one's personality has many sides, and them fighting is great to see.

The GARD transcript is quite horrid. Half a century later and they're this effectively brainwashed, even putting the Major's disbelief of the inhumanity.

5 stars.