Thanks to Togetic, H F Dummie, Von Pincier, JimmyBoyHaHa, ICFD and J-Roge. I believe the image is CC.
This one doesn't really do it for me. There's definitely an intended a story line here that I'm not getting enough of, it feels like this would be a remnants article but it's not quite connected. The drug paragraph could also do with some rewording.
It's a very nice article. The only grudge I have with it is the note at the end. It sounds too artificial and precise for haste.
Mhm, this just ain’t gonna do.
It’s supposed to be Remnants but I literally cannot tell. The tone is off, so damn much, everywhere. Grammar is fine, nothing I could notice.
The story is my main gripe. You have a story, or at least the skeleton of one, but we’re not getting enough of it. It looks like someone trying to make something vague without actually knowing what’s behind it. This article, for its nature, is just too short.
2/5. I suggest a rewrite because there’s potential, but right now I don’t see it going anywhere much.
Marco Marchi B. Mark
3/5 overall
2/5 premise. It is a monster manual entry.
3/5 delivery. Dragged down by superpowers, boosted by "I did it to myself " horror.
3/5 grammar.
Would have been a 1/5 but the interdimensional bs was kept barely at arms length.