Yeetus
(account deleted) 20 Mar 2019 13:16
We all know that cone snails and drop bears are enough to stop the WITCHETTY GRUBS FROM HELL!
5 stars. This was terrifying.
(V) (;,,;) (V)
RPC-730 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page RPC-730.
Containment Protocols
chromium walls
How thick are these walls?
Description
Endoxyla leucomochla
Remember to put names like these in italics.
Trapdoor species.
Trapdoor spider is a common name, not a scientific name. You could use this as a footnote and instead put it as "several families from the infraorder Mygalomorphae."
Hide measured at 5 inches deep.
5 inches deep equals 12.7 cm, maybe this unit slipped past.
Those are the things I feel need to be corrected, minor mistakes in a very well written, lore rich article. I love it, it was a very entertaining read with addenda that provide a rich backstory and well structured lore for the GOI involved. Good job.
Genuinely horrifying article, not overly graphic, not overly mysterious. I loved it, the attached document was awesome to read too.
Good concept and execution for something pretty normal, you really need footnotes and to shorten some parts.
Edit: And use ^^ for cubing or squaring instead of writing out all the dimensions.
I like the concept and you did it good for the most part, but this needs another proofread for clinical errors as there are some places that could just be worded better. You did lose me at the end, the remnants and timeline area felt almost forced. Especially
"I guess we do owe you an explanation. You are in a different timeline, parallel to your own but still away from an Apocalypse scenario…. It is unlikely, as our timelines move parallel to each others, with no differences in time."
In this part it seems like you were telling, not showing us.
In order to maintain the MST NATO naming scheme, the name of the MST featured in this article has been changed from "Gamma-1" to "Golf-11."
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