RPC-189 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page RPC-189.

Croal 12 Mar 2019 22:35

I would find this a lot nicer to read without the line breaks after every sentence. Right now it just does not flow nicely.

Peanutmanington 13 Mar 2019 12:59

Does it flow any better now? Please let me know.

Croal 14 Mar 2019 21:57

Yes, much better! (Re-rated)

Last edited on 14 Mar 2019 21:58 by Croal Show more

Sho_Ryu_Ken 14 Mar 2019 02:52

Very nice narrative based on the Portrait of Dorian Gray. I love it :)

Peanutmanington 14 Mar 2019 10:00

Thanks so much, I'm happy the idea flowed through well without being too samey.

DarkGreenEspeon 27 Mar 2019 10:04

While I really like the ideas presented in this one, I think the author stumbles way too much the execution. I'll try to give some examples in order of their appearance.

[…] the previously unknown face of the portrait of RPC-189 […]

So nobody has actually tried sending a drone with a camera over to it to see what it looks like when there's nobody around? Seems like one of the first things the Authority would do.

I feel that footnotes aren't really handled well in this article. Normally an RPC article footnote is used to provide additional information that isn't that important but still adds to the article. The first footnote on this article is actually perfect, though I'd change the wording a bit ("Accounts describe the painting as looking 'viscous' or 'shadowy'"). The others either have information that should really be part of the paragraph they're in instead of a footnote, or are just needlessly complicated/scientific (I don't think even the Authority would feel the need to use the words "dermic contact").

While, again, I like the effects of this anomaly, they're all written in confusing ways.

RPC-189 demonstrates another notable anomalous ability that manifests itself when two or more subjects are present and any of the subjects used to create the current portrait's appearance have dermic3 contact with its canvas
The J██████ Gray Alpha event is an anomalous reaction caused by the aforementioned dermis contact.
During an Alpha event, an entity, physically matching the appearance of RPC-189's current subject bearing the designation RPC-189-1, manifests within a random unoccupied location inside RPC-189's effective range.4 This is caused by the aforementioned dermis contact.

Like this part where you say the same thing three times, or example.

Or the fact that you feel the need to give the two events a name. I think almost everyone would have gotten the Dorian Grey reference without that, and it would fit much better to use a designation like 189-Alpha and -Beta.

Then, for some reason, 189-3 comes up in the last couple paragraphs. What in the world is a 189-3? The person who appears in an Alpha event is 189-1, which means anyone who has been replaced with a painting version of themselves should be 189-2-X, right? Since each of them is a separate person? But when talking about the Beta events, you say a person who appears from a Beta event is designated 189-2 right after calling that same kind of person a 189-1. Are 189-2 instances designated 189-3 after they remanifest once? That doesn't seem necessary, since there doesn't seem to be a difference between 189-3 and the 189-2 it used to be. Designations in this article are all over the place, basically.

The way it is now, all these mistakes really drag this article down. There's a good concept here, but the execution could use a lot of improvement.

On a positive note, I love the hazard symbols being clearly visible. I think that should be the case for every article.

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Mong-bies 29 Mar 2019 17:55

Remove the "dermis" from the footnote, just referring to it as skin is enough to understand what "dermic" means.

The pigments would be attached to the red blood cell plasma membranes, not the plasma itself, but I can understand what you mean.

JimmyJohnJohnson 23 Sep 2019 18:00

Why do they use a assist director as a test subject instead of CSD-Personal?

onefullydone 12 Aug 2023 01:19

Not very interesting. Its just a clone of somebody with the same traits that goes around nearby. An original twist or unpredictable outcome would help make the article much better.

Also if the anomaly can manifest the clone if you go within 500m of it, how come do the Containment Protocols not at least keep the painting in a separate area 1 km away from the others?

Overall, I think this article's concept could use a major rework. 2 stars.

Last edited on 12 Aug 2023 01:20 by onefullydone Show more