This is a repost of RPC-170 after raiders fucked my article
This is a collab between me and Google chrome and is m first article
RPC-170 / Discussion
Forum
» Hidden / Per page discussions
» RPC-170
This is the discussion related to the wiki page RPC-170.
This was a decent article with a fun and endearing concept, while doing well to happily explain just how dangerous it is. For a first article it is definitely among the finer ones. Thanks for not involving alternate universes and smug anime gods.
Improved since the first time I read it, here are some suggestions to keep improving.
"RPC-170 shall not be permitted near wooden objects and/or electrical appliances"
There is still no reason given for this in the article.
"While in packaging, RPC-170 are inactive. However, approximately 10% of RPC-170 display the ability to become active while still in packaging."
You could reword this to be much smoother.
As well your second CSD testing log (Should be renamed testing log instead of interview log) still is a completely different format than your first. It would be much easier to read if you fixed up the second one. Also don't say *Starts to think* in a description of what they are doing, describe them looking around or something.
Keep working at it!
Edit: It's been a month and a half and none of these things have been changed. The article was posted and left. Re-rating to reflect this.
It seems like a there’s a line that’s supposed to the interview log but isn’t for some reason. You might want to fix that,other than that it’s a solid RPC.
5/5
The Grand Clock Ticks Once More
(account deleted)I remember reading this article in draft stage, and I notice you haven't applied this suggestion I made:
Since it is a binomial nomenclature system designation, it is to be written as Loxosceles reclusa , in italics as per standard guidelines.
Neither the second suggestion. Nor the third one.
Looks like I shouldn't have even given critique on this one before.
I dont remember getting your crit
this was probably on the OLD crit forum, so sorry
This one started off alright, and while I like the premise of this one, all the grammatical errors, weird phrasing, etc. just made this an incredible slog to read. I'm not sure how I made it through.
To the author: It seems like you're not a native English speaker, very young, or both, so I don't want to be too hard on you. I also don't want to cover the whole Discussion page with a single post. For these reasons, I won't try to list every ill-fitting sentence I saw. Instead, I'll give some examples:
This compound also makes the subject more susceptible to placing false memories. But can only be taken safely in minor doses.
(This ". But" appears later in the article as well)
RPC-170 and subject were placed on a table in RPC-170's containment chamber. RPC-170 opens up its fangs biting it, as a normal member of his insect species should.
CDS-9163: Why aren't you adorable. She says it like a mother playing to a child.
The logs were especially very difficult to read. Instead of incident logs, they were written almost like roleplay.
To the author: You said this was a collab between you and another person. I suggest you ask help from a third person, and ask them to clean up this article. With proper execution, this could be a really good RPC. I'd even be willing to do that for you, do my best to correct all the errors while keeping your original vision intact. I hope you can improve this one, and best of luck with future articles.
No signature defined.
/forum/t-10516119/rpc-170#post-