Comments for page "RPC-400"

(no title)

Sat, 01 Jul 2023 16:29:13 +0000

Scary idea that could have been developed on further, but god damn if it isn't written poorly. From the odd formatting, stacked sentences to weird dialogue, this article could have been better if it only were for one (or two) more rounds of critique. It also suffers from the "talking to the reader" syndrome. A lot of what is said is so obviously directed at the reader from the author, as if the author is trying to justify something presented in the article, in the article. The best example of this is the ending note.

2/5

(no title)

Sun, 13 Feb 2022 20:48:57 +0000

I really liked this article. The description of the creature was uncomfortable without being too ridiculous. I also think that its behavior delivers on the fear factor pretty well. Sure it isn't that scary in an Authority site, but could you imagine it manifesting somewhere else? Being alone can already be unnerving, now you'd have to worry about it constantly. But the transition from "scary monster" to "regularly-scheduled complication we just have to deal with" was very interesting, too. I hope this article stays around, because it makes for a very interesting Site gimmick.

This doesn't seem like a popular opinion, but I rate this article 5/5.

(no title)

Sat, 20 Feb 2021 21:15:53 +0000

The execution isn't anything out of the ordinary, but the fun concept and its implications carry it. +4

Revising this nearly a year later. I no longer think the concept carries it all that much and the extremely poor dialogue and SPAG make it difficult to read. This could really, really use a rewrite to flesh out details.

Honestly, the effects this thing has around itself are far more interesting than the anomaly itself. I'd say SCP-303 did a similar concept far better.

(no title)

Sat, 10 Aug 2019 19:20:24 +0000

Ok it’s good the thing is you never state what exactly happens when someone is alone it’s obvious they die but how? Even if you made that obvious to you still have to state it in the description. And what about humanoid rpcs?

(no title)

Sat, 16 Mar 2019 22:17:20 +0000

While this article tells a very poggers story, I think that the protocols could add that teams of ASF personnel of 2 or more are to be stationed on certain points of the site to guarantee that even if someone enters alone they are not in danger and the containment of the monster is easier.

Pogchamp article, it won 5 gold medals… I mean stars.

(no title)

Tue, 01 Jan 2019 04:52:45 +0000

I fixed most of the grammatical errors, but there are still a lot of tonal issues and logical inconsistencies in the actual article, which I cannot fix without author consent.

(no title)

Thu, 06 Sep 2018 10:55:49 +0000

I would've given a 5 if not for the small grammatical errors and the very anti-climatic addendum at the end.
Please fix these things.

(no title)

Wed, 05 Sep 2018 16:27:43 +0000

You have a good article here, the horror is quite easy to feel when reading it. However, there are some grammar mistakes you need to work on, also as has been stated before I doubt there would be an accurate way to measure a hostile entity such as this one. Also, you may want to add some [EXPLETIVE] on the interview log, this is a serious scientific article and must appear as such even on the interview logs.

(no title)

Wed, 08 Aug 2018 02:05:22 +0000

I love the concept, it preys on the really simply fear of being alone and the first three paragraphs were particularly effective at establishing the tone, with the exception of a few things. The 'with these under these conditions' error in the third paragraph bothers me, the accuracy of the teeth measurement seems a bit odd, and the 'constant speed of 43km/h' contradicts the interview where the creature slowly built up its speed towards the scientist. Maybe include a testing log for the top speed of the creature, or just remove the speed measurement entirely due to the inability to actually test for a top speed accurately inside Site 51. There's also a few other grammatical errors within the page that don't necessarily take away as much from the RPC but it could still use a touch-up.

Overall though, I really like this RPC. The idea of a 'cursed' Authority Site where people have to act a certain way to contain a genuinely scary anomaly is very interesting to me, and I upvoted your post.

(no title)

Thu, 26 Jul 2018 01:01:55 +0000

Don't mix metric and imperial units, this is a scientific document (in universe), and as such metric would be used exclusively.

Also, how do the Foundation have such precise measurements for this incredibly violent creature that only appears if you're the only person in the room? Did they just ask politely for 400 to stay still while they shoved a ruler into its mouth?

Also also, you should go into more detail as to what is considered a "room" and explain that one can still watch it through a window without it demanifesting before mentioning it in a test.

(no title)

Wed, 25 Jul 2018 02:03:32 +0000

Downvoted cause this was re-uploaded to clear downvotes. Next time, please make improvements to your RPC before reposting.

(no title)

Wed, 11 Jul 2018 07:20:34 +0000

Thanks

(no title)

Mon, 09 Jul 2018 13:32:14 +0000

Ok, this is one of my new favorites, I especially like that it only preys on lone individuals.

Reposted

Thu, 05 Jul 2018 23:11:06 +0000

Had to repost. My RPC was deleted because of the Downvoting raid.