Due to its nature, RPC-XXX cannot be physically contained.

Consider:

Due to its nature as an incorporeal phenomena, RPC-XXX and its individual constituents cannot be physically contained at this time.

Crenshaw, Virginia, United States

I don’t think you need to specify the United States.

erotomania

Should add a footnote here describing what this word means. My name is Antdem0n and I’m a biiiiig dummy who doesn’t know what erotomania is.

Once an affected individual is sufficiently isolated, they will disappear

The only way to eliminate the effects of RPC-XXX is by removing the affected individual from the city of Crenshaw for an extended period of time.

[MOD] Hieronymus — 04/18/2021 10:24

If this is an old forum then this post should also be marked with an [OP]. This guy is the original poster of the thread.

Authority agents embedded in the Crenshaw Police Department later reported an alarming amount of unsolved missing person cases in proportion to the city's population

As a small note, I feel like the Authority should have already noticed the fact that a bunch of people went missing. Or if this is saying that there was an uptick when the Authority arrived it should specify that.

Morrow's calves tear open as well, exposing several ripped tendons and a fractured tibia

If the back of his legs tore open the fibula would also be visible since they are so close together and connected via several tendons.

exposing the ends of his femurs

I do believe that if the skin is tearing and exposing his bone in the way I visualise it, what would be visible is the patella (aka kneecap) rather than the femur.

Morrow attempts to scream, but blood pours out of his mouth.

This can be reworded to something like ‘Morrow attempts to scream, but the blood in his lungs only allows him to gurgle, the excess of which bubbles out of his mouth.’ This more accurately describes what is happening, amps up the horror, and maintains the clinical tone.

His femurs tear through his shoulders and protrude through his back. Morrow attempts to scream, but blood pours out of his mouth.

Judging by how human anatomy goes it’s more likely that his femurs would tear through his glutes and his tibia and fibula would be the one tearing through the shoulders.

his skin, leaving him a mass of fractured bones and torn skin and muscle tissue.

This should be reworded slightly. There are 2 conjunctions and there should be commas.

they noted that there was no blood spatter in the bedroom and Morrow could not be located.

Should be reworded slightly. As-is this is clunky and doesn’t really pack that much of a punch.

Ultimately, I find this article to be good, but not great. The comedy is present but doesn’t super land for me as it requires a lot of context outside of the article before you can appreciate what’s actually happening. The horror segment at the end is very nice and I appreciate the tone shift. I think it works really well with what you have. I had advised you to hold back on the victim eating the rotten food and I still stand by that, it would be too much and would detract from the article, I reckon.

The body horror is nice, but the disgust segment earlier doesn’t super work for me. Maybe it’s simply that horror’s not really worked for me in the past, to be fair. I think if you focus down on a particular type of horror and expand upon it, it would make for an overall stronger article. You had mentioned that the demons affected the victim’s senses to the point where his idea of reality is incongruent with what is actually happening around him, and that is effective. If you played that up more it would be far better and more horrifying than just having there be a bunch of gross stuff in the apartment.

Nice piece, nice horror. Probably could be a bit more heavy handed on the set up for the horror section. The comedy section is fine as-is

At the time of writing, the criteria by which RPC-XXX targets Crenshaw residents is unknown

Misplaced sentence, as it's jarring to alternate between what's known and what isn't within the same paragraph. Try including it here:

The only way to eliminate the effects of RPC-XXX is by removing the affected individual from the city of Crenshaw for an extended period of time. At the time of writing, the criteria by which RPC-XXX targets Crenshaw residents is unknown.

Or giving it its own paragraph break for a dramatic emphasis.

several weeks to several years

Specify the lowest and highest recorded periods to affliction. I suggest higher than 2 years to contrast it with Hieronymus comment in the thread.

Paraphilias and paraphilic disorders.

Paraphilia is redundant to Paraphilic disorders, the latter being more apt.

Suck_My_██████_licious_BallsNuts

Per:

unleash an army of autistic MKULTRA supersoldiers onto Crenshaw lmao

Funnier without the indication of sarcasm; that he actually believes what he typed.

@███████_btfo quit acting shocked new███. this is a common occurrence at this point. its called lolcow city for a reason

I assume he meant to @Onion_Fucker? @███████_btfo wasn't expressing anything out of shock, unlike onion.

as early as the 1810's

Remove the apostrophe.

to dismiss RPC-XXX as the actions of an unidentified serial killer

when I dated her in Italy

I feel as if "met" would have more significance to him to mention, but that's just me.

7:45: Morrow stops and focuses on an empty bedroom. The wallpaper and curtains are ripped. There is a broken mirror on one of the dressers. The wooden bedframe is rotten and the mattress is covered in mold.

The image provided is really cool and am tempted to ask you to change this description. That or the image to be altered to match some of what's written here. The image goes hard mkay????

down on a nearby shelf

As said on VC, what the camera is put down on has not as much effect nor importance to that of the added photo. I don't believe it should remove a perfectly good visual when it could be put on a cupboard as present in the picture.

begins contorting Morrow's body further into a the fetal position

As it refers to what's aforementioned.

Morrow's calves tear open as well-, exposing several ripped tendons and —a fractured tibiae.

leaving him a mass of fractured bones, and torn skin and muscle tissue

spherical shape form

When Authority agents recovered Morrow's camera, they noted that there was no blood spatter in the bedroom and Morrow could not be located.

Try:

Contrary to the extracted footage, Authority agents upon recovery of the camera noted that Morrow's body and tissue spatter were missing.

Demens with my own veri ayes
demons with my own very eyes