Comments for page "RPC-489"

(no title)

Fri, 18 Jul 2025 21:40:05 +0000

I'd say that it is a definite improvement, pushing it up to a wobbly 4 - The gradation does feel better compared to the previous version. The doctor seems a bit better, although I am unsure whether you changed anything or it was me noticing some details I didn't before. The one detail of him starving the animals is great honestly. Made me pause and realize "oh shit he's not just a bid loony".

The only change, this being a personal one, is to mayhaps go through the last few logs and see how you can further layer the final part of the story. I'm not sure if this is on purpose or not, but there are details slipping in and out of the different accounts that build up to the greater picture. This is good, but I think it could be polished a bit more.

The biggest issue is the final log which kind of comes out of nowhere, or rather the meteorite does. It feels like you had a finished story, thought "oh how can I scale it up" and added more to it.

You could split it in three parts: The first part up to before the blizzard as an AEDF report and put it before the "KIllzone incident report", the second part up to the 22/07 update and just a small blurb at the end with the 22/07 update as a creepy cherry on top. I'd maybe put the audio to be played first thing when opening the log so you can read the final text whilst listening to the horror, instead of it just feeling optional.

Very good job tarb, loved the idea and I'm glad you managed to further improve it!

(no title)

Thu, 17 Jul 2025 00:37:07 +0000

Not a fan of the Incident Report section. It's mostly repeating things told in the Interview where most of that could be omitted to focus on the blizzard a bit more. Like, the blizzard is essentially divine intervention and there's all of three sentences dedicated to it. This absolutely torpedoes the urgency escalation, which was going excellently up to the interview (though an interview might not be the best format to describe the operation since it necessitates being written in hindsight: it's a forward skip that removes the tension because we can figure that it was mostly dealt with, where a narration in present time would be better suited, maybe a log of communications that ends with the flash blizzard starting to form).

Other than that, it's impeccable imagery and some really good escalation in the first half. You already read my thoughts on my earlier crit but it's a very smooth read (sans typoes) with a satisfyingly creepy end.

4/5

The Melody...

Mon, 14 Jul 2025 02:00:47 +0000

hazardpoker rpc beta black grouped extra-dimensional auditory mind-control extra-terrestrial incorporeal

http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-17165542/the-melody

Heh… got it done with time to spare!

…

Anywayways, thanks to Almarduk and 8ismo for their crit, they came in clutch!

Audio files were edited and combined from the following media, and also my own voice and whistling:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Recording_of_Xun.ogg
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Ocarina_de_barro_(impro).wav
http://soi.stanford.edu/results/sounds.html
And the pictures are from CCTV cameras with bad passwords ;)

Hope you enjoyed it!