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Thu, 03 Oct 2024 20:53:22 +0000

Gloomy piece, I like it!
4 stars.

(no title)

Thu, 03 Oct 2024 10:59:15 +0000

a very good story about grief, as well as exploitation. i admire the detail of how bardales' wife dying sets the events of the story in motion, and the female figure's destruction being what ends them. lovely worldbuilding as well, i'm really into the idea of anomalous artists needing to get works approved to show in regular exhibitions. that phonecall is especially full of character.

the only thing holding this back for me is the custody notice at the beginning; all that temporal stuff is really neat, but it doesn't particularly contribute anything to the article and frankly had me a little disoriented the first time i read this. regardless, this is a very nice piece all around. +4

(no title)

Wed, 02 Oct 2024 15:11:44 +0000

I will reiterate what I said about this article so far already:

With the crit applied, it is a competent, well-written and in depth piece of work, and overall a nice self-contained, small story. I loved how you were able to characterise Bardales without him really ever getting a word from him. I rate it a four star article overall because it is good, but unfortunately I can't say it's an article I'll think about when we'll be discussing your greatest works.

(no title)

Tue, 01 Oct 2024 16:20:11 +0000

Really good wordbuilding. There's a ton of detail about mechanics and organizations conveyed in a really short length, and for the insane amount of topics juggled I think it gives a very cohesive image of the greater world. That's the main strength of this article I feel — it has a masterful grasp on the amount of information to convey to a reader to build a good picture of the people and organizations involved.

I do think it falls short of resonating well because the statue being a bitch to contain and Bardales' trauma never quite intertwine as themes. Like, there's a disconnect between the reasons that led to it being made and what it caused once it got contained — I know the statue being really harmful is a result of Bardales going Joker terrorist mode but the article never goes as far as to say anything about that, you get what I mean? It feels like there's a really tiny missing piece somewhere, like if we knew more about Funes (like throughout the article not just before his death) and his death resembled Bardales' wife there'd be a really clear point being made.

Still, this is a very competent article that was a joy to read and takes advantage of the absolute best of the RPC universe. Great job!

Some smaller issues...

BOO

If UNAAC officials ask, say it's a liaison under Article 5, Clause 7b of the 1997 Bretagne Agreement - I’m told it works wonders when it comes to anomalies changing hands.

I really like this sentence but it feels a bit out of place in a document a lot of people can read, like it's supposed to be advice given on the DL and maybe a dozen people can see it now. Maybe change the collapsible text so it's made clear that it's for a single person or maybe a few to read?

Also not sure what "it's a liaison" is supposed to mean. It's written like you say liaison in the sense of intermediary person, but the greater context implies the subject of the sentence (the 'it') to be the anomaly itself.

When in the presence of an active anomaly,²

2. Designated as an anomaly whose properties are currently in effect.

NO SHIT

Did you get specifically asked for this footnote? It's kinda a no brainer explanation, really can't imagine a world where you can't immediately guess what active anomaly means.

approved by the MPDR

You can probably not acronymize this the first time you use the term tbh. I know you use it earlier in the letter but using the full name once in the text of the actual file feels better tbh.

It is unknown whether or not Bardales was aware of the exponential increase of his sculpture's area of effect in such a crowded space and with more than three dozen passive anomalies.

The incident doesn't really click for me cause there's not been a lot of visual info given about how groves aberrations actually look or behave (aside from the footnote which is really little). I feel like there's some really compelling imagery to explore with this whole art gallery going insane that you never quite go to. Same goes for that final incident — like, I can sense the "reactor meltdown" kinda feel in there but there's not enough visual context to really know what's happening aside from the gold tubes turning to lead.

gave me particular lessons

Personal lessons.

The strings holding the gold-lined sheet, which has turned to lead as well, break.

Honestly feels like a very short sighted mechanism if it's well known that gold turns to lead when it's exposed to a fuckton of Groves. If I understand it right, they put the statue in the warehouse because they kinda didn't know what else to do with it and the "Utility" designation is more of an incidental benefit than something they actively pursued (with all the moving-around that has to happen whenever it fluctuates) so it doesn't make sense to me that they'd not figure out this was a possibility

Memories of Times Past by Fabricio Olavarria de Bardales

Sun, 29 Sep 2024 22:01:51 +0000

crit thread: http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-16951368/done-dusted-memories-of-times-past

A big thanks to Mr Makor, JimmyBoyHaha, Big Mark, televisionist and 8ismo for their help. I couldn't have done this without your help!

While there may be some portions left without closure in this article, I don't think that's a bad thing. There are some stories that don't get proper closure, nor that have clear answers. If you do have issues with it, please tell me. I'd like to make this the best piece it can be.

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Memories of Times Past by Fabricio Olavarria de Bardales