Comments for page "RPC-051"

(no title)

Fri, 08 Aug 2025 08:04:26 +0000

Maybe Almighty God. This will all be over when I bury him. And that will never happen until I'm in a quiet field.

Yes… yes, I love this… yes,.,. this is good…. mmy yess in my bellayyy

Has some issues, but manages to overcome most of them

Sat, 09 Mar 2024 16:01:16 +0000

I kept forgetting to rate and comment on this one for the past few days.
It's a good article - it evokes a very sad and vivid picture through relatively little means, but it kind of stumbles around the dialogue and characterization. The way the characters talk, the brother in particular, seems wooden and for the purpose for the article rather than it feeling like a genuine conversation. But, it is not as bad as some can get which is a massive plus.
Otherwise, it does have an issue of the containment being fairly lax and filled with plot holes - why not blind the brother, be it permanently or temporarily? Could he be instructed to stare at the ground? Can he not be convinced that the Authority could bury his brother and help him? He is capable of understanding his situation even the anomalous aspects of it.

I should point out that these questions pop up due to a strong and good base that just needs expanding - not because of a lack of details or quality. Just needs some more work.

(no title)

Fri, 07 Jul 2023 19:54:13 +0000

You tore me up man! I really like the ending log and how you managed to inject so much character in such few lines of dialogue. But its's just too much tell-over-show. I mean, the description basically spoonfeeds the reader things that could have been understood or hinted at somehow else. Because of that, I'm giving it a 3/5.

(no title)

Mon, 16 Aug 2021 00:58:48 +0000

Well well, if it ain’t Dexo.

Tone and grammar is a bit off in some spaces during ConProcs and Desc, you might wanna check ‘em out. From the addendum and on it’s all a breeze, very nice dialogue and very strong theme. I love how you give this man so much character in just a few strings of dialogue, although I feel you could have added a little more, maybe to show the CSD’s personality off too.

Either way, the article gets brought down by some of clinical tone. 3/5 for now.

(no title)

Tue, 02 Feb 2021 13:34:37 +0000

Apparition: A ghost or ghostlike image of a person.

It's not hard to agree RPC-051 is ghostlike.

Thank you for the feedback.

(no title)

Tue, 02 Feb 2021 08:45:01 +0000

Good job on the spelling and grammar, other than a couple of instances where I feel like your word choice could be better its pretty much spotless. I do think that the containment protocols could be elaborated upon a bit more, they feel a bit too basic. I also think that the description and ending spiel are a little too straightforward. What constitutes an apparition to the authority? Do all of them even consider apparitions real? The final log is good, and a big improvement to the one you had on the sandbox, but I feel like it could be changed just a little bit more to be just right

(no title)

Mon, 01 Feb 2021 21:15:53 +0000

Forum post

I'd like to thank Almarduk and Excer for critique, as well as my two close friends who took a look and gave me their thoughts.