The main character, who can be replaced by any rough job-hating cop, is really disinterested to things around him, making him just a spectator to other people's actions. Even when he does his job, he shows no investment in what he is doing. This in turn can make the reader disinterested in what is happening, which should be avoided.

The story itself is fairly simple, as the way it advances. Sean goes to place, talks with someone, gets info and goes to the next one, or is forced to go by his compatriot/job. Whilst Serathiel's story is interesting, and the highlight of this series, it pauses the main plot and makes the reader wait for the masked man to finish what he is saying before they can continue reading.

It would have been better if his character were depthened by his actions, rather than his words. Origin stories should just be no more than it would take you to say something without drawing another breath. It would have been better if his story was a separate tale all to itself.

The movie and comic westerners were a bit too obvious, and some of them a bit out of place. Eg, 266 calling Sean "Judge Dredd", when a comic like that would have probably been banned by the Authority, or it wouldn't even exist due to timeline hijinks.

Good work, but you can do better. +3

For awhile I pictured susannah as a 10 year old girl. I was able to get through the bar scene without realizing I was off. Minors drinking probably was common at the time and place. But when Serathiel made an advance on her, it came way out of left field. Thought he was a pedophile before realizing Susanna was a lot older.

He whipped his head around, to see surplus of ten men on horses, all armed.

This seems off. Was it supposed to be “a surplus”?

as mentioned on the page, this is the fourth (and longest) installment of a tale series

don't read this without reading the other ones, you will be lost as fuck