Dummie's Office Of Meticulous Records




Welcome to Dummie's Office of Meticulous Records! I am High Functioning Dummie, but you may call me H. F. Dummie or "Dummie". Sorry for the mess, I've just moved in. This office with my name on it simply showed up one day, as I was roaming the hallways of the Author Page. I suppose I quite like it. I believe either a "Coupon" or "Thermic" is responsible for the sudden manifestation of this office, as far as I can find.

So, why are you here? I suppose you stumbled across this office while browsing the Author Page, no? I suppose you are disappointed in the lack of vibrating pictures, shillings of 866, or dancing animatronics. I'm sorry, I just moved in. The furnishings will be settled in due time. I will acquire my own set of blackjack and hookers, not to worry.

I suppose you would like to know more about me, given your presence here. Frankly, I don't know why you would be here. I'm a boring person with generally insignificant roles. However, if you insist, I will start then.


Q: Where am I?

A: You are currently in Room 3524 of the AEDFS Recalcitrance, also known as Dummie's Office of Meticulous Records. It is called this because my intentions with this office is for the purposes of recording some articles. As for the room number and ship name, that is a story for another time.

Q: Who are you?

A: I am High Functioning Dummie, but you may call me H. F. Dummie or "Dummie". I am an operative for the Authority, but also mainly for the Team Fortress 2 Source Filmmaker community. And more importantly, an undergrad majoring in Aerospace Electronics Engineering.

I suppose my operations within the Authority can be chalked up as the "sidequest" for my "sidequest".

Q: How did you get here?

A: Well, this office kind of showed up one day. Practically an invitation for me to furnish it.

Q: Ok, so who are you?

A: Interesting. I'm a human being from Hong Kong, Earth. I suppose this shows itself from my frequent usage of "Hong Kong" as the location for my articles. My interests are Physics, 3D animation, and creative writing, in that order. I mean, I suppose you can see this current persona as the Engineer from TF2 to be me too.

Q: How else can I find you?

A: I have an outpost on the Authority Discord Server, the Authority Office, and the Authority Lore Server. It is also possible to find me on Steam, as High Functioning Dummie, or if for an unknown bizzare reason, contact is only possible through YouTube, comment on any one of the videos from A Dummie. I will attempt to get back to you.

My Articles

RPC-689, The Seat Of Criticism. 08/08/18

Protect the Priority Seat with our blood and strength! Long live the Priority Seat! May the Priority Seat punish those who are unworthy of sitting!

This was my first step as a writer into the anomalous community. Initially "SCP-3689", an article a lot less clinical and lacking Addendum 689.3, it was about as good a rookie article I could create. The "Seat Of Criticism" was modeled after a local joke about Priority Seats1 in Hong Kong, most notably the existence of self-righeous individuals who will record individuals using Priority Seats and then post them online for reasons of justice.

I was told that this article was incredibly unnerving and creepy and sinister. Which was quite funny because I had intended this to be a lighthearted, slightly humorous article. Oh well, reality is often more ridiculous than anything I can come up with.

RPC-085, Scorching Flames Alarm Clock. 10/09/18

Every dollar not spent on that alarm clock is a dollar spent towards containing seats on trains, stopping a star with anger management issues, and paying for better toilet paper.

Officially my first non-Foundation draft, I intended to establish the Authority as a cash-strapped, bureaucratic group that could not act as needed, and thus would be bitten in the ass. This came in the form of a resource pig that was a resource pig because the Authority mishandled it. This was also the first time I really used the Authority's resources for my purposes.

Unfortunately, it failed my standards by quite a margin. Standing at 3.6 with 14 votes, my efforts have been misdirected. I would have deleted if Gearheart didn't use 085 for a generator.

RPC-378, Printed Probability Papers. 06/10/18

We have thousands of items, and yet none of those are used to better the world.

Initially "SCP-3378", RPC-378 follows the adventures of a stack of papers that makes unlikely things more likely. Inspired by the large stacks of one-sided paper that my mom would bring home from work so that I would have enough paper to do math, I pondered how the average person would use an instance of RPC-378. Not very well, I suppose. I know a lot of people who would do some really bad things, which is where the narrative went.

In SCP-3378, Addendum 3378.4 and Addendum 3378.5 didn't exist, which contributed to it being downvoted to hell, and rightfully so. I completed .4 as I had originally intended to, and Addendum 5 was possible because someone introduced me to the RCPA. I think this is the first RCPA article.

I think the RCPA is the best GoI. It offers a logistical challenge for the Authority, asks the Authority to outwit, not outrun, and shakes the moralities of the Authority. Should the Authority use it's anomalies to better the world? Especially when this action seems to advance humanity way more?

I suppose it was a bit too long though for it's time. I remember being told that it was the longest article in 2018. Oh well, a complete narrative is better than a rushed one.

RPC-916, The Time Traveler's Handbook. 20/12/18, 28/03/19

I know that in the future the Vanguards calls this 916. Maybe you can sell it to them and get a million [currency]. What, that's not enough? Fuck you!

RPC-916. The best thing I've ever written.

While reading "Clef's Guide" and SCP-3780, I thought "How about a Clef's Guide for time travel?" And RPC-916 was born. The idea bubbled in my head for 8 months before I thought that I was finally ready to properly write it. I had originally planned to have Dr. Xyank be the writer, but Xyank was too serious and I settled on a new character. Besides, I migrated to the Authority, which meant no Xyank. It also meant free rules for how time travel works, which was refreshing.

As a generally soft-spoken person with limited displays of emotions in real life, I was pleasently surprised with the results of me ranting on. Just zeroing in on a target and firing at it by letting my keyboard go haywire worked surprisingly well. Maybe I should switch from the Authority to writing the Time Traveler's Handbook full-time.

I suppose RPC-916 gave me the power to dictate how time travel in the Authorityverse "actually" works, while raising more questions. Again, the freedom from having no rules is much appreciated and I certainly exploited it in the Extended Logs.

Aurelia Agustalis was a name I got from a random Roman name generator. When envisioning the character for Aurelia, I thought of two things. One was the most unqualified person to write a guide to Time Traveling. Two was a reverse Xyank. The result was a drunk, rude, slightly psychotic married woman in her early 30s with untreated PTSD living in the late West Roman Empire. I think it worked out quite well.

At some point, this was the top rated article. Eastside Steve did a reading of it. I don't think I can top this, which is why I went into a glorious vaccation during December to April. It was so good, I went back and created Extended Logs for it.

RPC-896, Don't Play Me I'm Scared. 22/04/19

Why are you doing this? Why do you want me to stay? What have I done?

I remember just thinking "Nuclear Gandhi" while a friend talked about a game that doesn't want you to play it, and coming up with the idea of RPC-896. The narrative, however, came surprisingly smoothly from writing it. As someone who's a "planner", I am quite thankful for the great results.

The RCPA was added mid-way to offer a counter to the Authority, as I needed a reason to why 896 behaved the way it did. Originally, the Array was supposed to be involved with the Authority, as the Array doesn't like 896 because 896 defied the Array for reasons way too convoluted. That's why Addendum 896.3 is in the form of an Array document. The Array was deleted after Fifth told me that the Array was just… kind of there.

Adding the RCPA as the "good guys" also came from my attempt to turn the RCPA into more than just a generic bad guy. It's easy to say that the Authority were the villains and the RCPA were the heroes. The "R" stood for righteousness, and they should at least do something right. At the time, the RCPA was becoming a bit too "generic bad buy" so I tried to rectify that. I like to think that I succeeded.

RPC-750, Narrator vs Narrative. 13/05/19

A man with a hardhat and a shotgun told me that FUCKING HELL THERE HE IS

This was my entry for the RPC-004 contest. The RPC-004 contest was the first contest of the Authority that I joined, excluding the April Fools Joke Contest. And I suppose it certainly won't be the last.

The 004 contest was good in the sense that it offered unparalleled flexibility and creative freedom regarding articles. I found many entries to be quite intriguing and creative in their ideas. While I have found the other contests to be quite fascinating in their themes, there are certain limits to what they can have in their content.

The idea for 750 came from an "OC" of mine within my SFM animations. This, is the "Hitman Engie", a BLU Engineer equipped with the Mining Light, Pip-Boy, and Deus Specs. This is, by all means, a self insert, as this is the persona I use for my channel and my Steam profile. Speaking of, you can find them here. I imagined that "what if it just started beating the shit out of everything?" and the idea for 750 was generated.

If I had enough time, I might have made some SFM content to accompany this draft of mine, maybe create some posters featuring RPC-750, or even modify one of my older videos such that they are beaten the shit out of by the Hitman Engie. However, this didn't come to fruition as my time available was considerabally limited. As a result, I settled with a hand-drawn stick figure, which I think actually worked better.

Will I make SFM content to accompany my future objects? Probably not. Will I make SFM content related to the Authority, or just the anomalous community in general? Maybe?

RPC-469, For The Emperor. 14/06/19

Instructions were provided to fire the weapon provided as a "offering to the Emperor".

During May of 2019, I went to a Pacific island in the middle of nowhere called "Saipan" for a vacation. It was a nice place, if not a bit slow, and the dive sites there were quite nice, if not entertaining in unexpected ways. The island, however, was infested by winged ants that would come out and fuck around every evening. This is where the idea for 469 came in.

For some reason, these winged ants quickly manifested into "experimental weaponry highly loyal to the Emperor of Japan". I found this idea to be entertaining, and quickly executed it when I got home from Saipan.

At some point, however, I felt like I was losing focus of the narrative for the article. I suppose this was due to me focusing on the fact that these were "cool experimental weaponry highly loyal to the Emperor of Japan", such that the narrative side of things got overlooked. I didn't know how to end the article so I kind of let it hanging until I forced myself to put out a gyoksai charge2 as to end this draft.

Still, at 4.3 stars by 10 votes, this seems to be my least read draft. Oh well, I tried. Let this be a lesson that a cool idea is not enough for a good article.

RPC-242, Lifelearner. 15/10/19

So, how are your studies going?

The idea of creating a genetically modified army of exam takers had been brewing in the back of my mind since February of 2018, before my entry into the anomalous writing community. No thanks to the HKDSEs. The idea that a good percentage of Hong Kong's students were, quite literally, exam machines that have trained for this shit their entire lives, was too entertaining to pass up. And quite frankly, an overwhelming majority of the "good students" in Hong Kong, myself included, are.

The object's anomalous properties, aka the genetic modifications of all RPC-242-1 instances, were designed to be a natural extension of drilling a human being for 12 years that it's purpose was to study for the exams. I hoped to depict RPC-242 as cold, calculating, and incredibly good at it's job, just like Hong Kong's culture of studying. Cold, calculating, and incredibly good at calibrating 17 and 18 year olds into ruthless killing machines on exams.

The character of Stannum Yeung was from a friend of mine, whose name was vaguely similar to "Stannum Yeung". I've been using the name "Stannum Yeung" since SCP-3689, and I think it's a good name. Stands out, but doesn't stand too out. Strange, but not too strange. This character was used as the RPC-242-1 instances in place, as to tie in my other objects together.

Overall, I think that I did a decent job. This is thanks to the certain amount of despair that I experienced when I got my HKDSE results. For anyone who could understand, I got a 25 for Best 5 while getting a 2 for Chinese. For anyone who doesn't, it means that I did significantly better than most people and could pick whatever uni I wanted, but can't because I failed Chinese. The feeling of "why did I not get into a uni despite being superior" was used to great effectiveness in this article. Furthermore, the feeling of "what comes next?" was also explored. For 2 months, I seriously considered retaking the HKDSEs and reenduring the hell that is the HKDSE Chinese segment.

I was told that the part where the instance of RPC-242-1 tries to retake the exam is a bit absurd. This would be true, but I did enjoy the drilling of Physics and Maths during the HKDSEs. Not that far of a stretch to think that a genetically modified human being who is designed to want exams would do something like that, given what I've done.

It is, however, a shame that I couldn't fully depict the "what happens after an instance succeeds?" part of this aspect. Then again, I never really experienced the joy and success that came with "succeeding" in the HKDSEs. All I got was a useless Best 5 of 25, and a 2 for Chinese. I'm certain I would most likely fuck up any attempts at this direction.

Overall, writing this article was extremely satisfying. It was one of the first ideas that I ever had, and I'm glad I could do it justice. For some reason, reading RPC-242 also gives me the feeling of "cleanness". I don't know why.

RPC-749, Death is Late To The Party. 25/10/19

We know, however, by your ability to locate this object, that you are probably your world's most influential organization within your anomalous community. And we require your assistance.

Ok, apparently, according to public consensus, RPC-749 is the best thing I've ever written, since 749 is rated higher than 916, and everyone except a raider has 5-starred it.

As far as knew before this article, the RCPA was evil towards the Authority. Why is that? Villains with "I want to end the world because no reason" motives have historically been limited in quality, and I know that our limited amount of centralization would result in a "pure evil GoI" if we didn't do anything, like the Chaos Insurgency or Church of Malthus. As a result, just like with 896, I went into it.

In case you haven't noticed, this article was based of the Katyn incident, where approximately 22,000 Polish military officers were executed by the Soviet Union. I was originally fearing that mention of such an incident would result in accusations of being a Wehraboo and a Nazi. Thankfully, the Authority community was more tolerant that I had originally anticipated.

This article was a collaboration with JimmyBoyHaha. I wrote the general plot and about 70% of the article. He wrote 30% plus the picture, which really brings it together. I think I'll collab more often. This thing also taught me how to work with other people through the internet. As it turns out, simple tasks that are clearly labelled work best. Non-intervention also works well. Of Jimmy's stuff, I barely edited it.

Much of the lore within the RCPA was discussed over the course of a year in the Authority lore server for the RCPA. We came to the conclusion that the RCPA gains power by somehow controlling Germany, and then a war happens thus crippling everyone but the RCPA. This is the only way it could work, given my limited understanding of geopolitics within the late 1930s. There has to be a reason why the RCPA was willing to go to extreme lengths to protect itself, sacraficing personal liberties along the way. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I think the interaction between the RCPA and the Authority also offers an opportunity to explore what the RCPA is. I mean, all we knew about the Authority was that it was bad, except for 896. This is a pity and I hope that this article did it's job in exploring the RCPA's personality, if that makes any sense.

Apparently, most people seem to think that Jimmy led the article. Might be the way I labelled it. Oh well, I'm jealous. That was my magnum opus, apparently.

RPC-621, The Time Traveler's Life. 31/12/19

Ah, good morning Dr. Leung. Good to see a familiar face in this timeline.

A few months ago, I went to the UK for my studies. During which, I met a fairly cool person in my flat. One of the things that I would say was "I came here because I failed Chinese." My flatmate would then say "Well, if you didn't fail Chinese, then you wouldn't come to the UK and I wouldn't have met you." Quite wholesome and snuggly, I would say. I am considerably lucky in that I synced quite well with a randomly assigned individual.

However, before November 2019, the first thing I would change if I had chronological capabilities would be my Chinese results in the HKDSEs. (I mean, I still might, but I'd inform my flatmate that I was going to and give my flatmate a big hug beforehand. We've both acknowledged that.)As RPC-242 has displayed, I am quite bitter about failing the HKDSEs. It was from here that RPC-621 manifested. How about this guy that changed his past but as it turns out he fucks up his understanding of his world from it?

This is my first time writing "romance", if that makes any sense. As a result, this draft moved at a snail's pace. It was simply quite "impossible" to get this draft written since I had no idea where to start. I tried to reference some anomalies but those were stylistically different from mine to such an extent that referencing was impossible. Still, I think RPC-621 ended well.

The name "Eliza Brooks" was suggested by my flatmate, by the way. I asked my flatmate for a name and this was the result.

Also fun fact, this article was written in my flatmate's house in London. Not my uni. I may have spent some time there for Christmas.

RPC-748, Do Your Fucking Jobs. 20/01/20

Come on. Do your fucking jobs.

The idea of an anomalous organization that kept track of anomalous organizations came from the idea of an organization itself. If the world's anomalies is being monitored by an organization, it's not hard to assume that the multiverse's anomalous groups is being monitored by another organization.

Coming up with the different GoIs was quite interesting. His Holy Solar Association and the Greater Centaaural Union were both inspired by The Templin Institute's Stellaris Invicta, the United Whole Against The Disunited Confusion was from RPC-722, while the Righteous Central Protection Authority is from our own RCPA.

The storylines provided are also references to other anomalies. His Holy Solar Association's crisis was inspired by Team Bird from the Doomsday Event, The United Whole's was "generic zombies from another dimension", the GCU's was from the Greater Terran Union's crisis, while the Authority's crisis was inspired by SCP-2798.

Erasmus Cheng was from RPC-689. If anyone recalls RPC-689, that's the Head Researcher's name.

Of course, if anyone wants to suggest a cooler crisis for the Authority, I'm all ears.

Of my articles, I suggest starting with RPC-689 or RPC-242, depending on whether you prefer short or long articles. After that, go read RPC-916. Not conventional, but enough people seem to like it. RPC-621 is supplemented by RPC-916 so I suggest reading that right after. If not, read RPC-378, RPC-896, and RPC-749 in that order. If you're looking for something more meta, RPC-750 and RPC-748 works. If not, there's some conventional horror in RPC-469. As for RPC-085, that one's optional.

Any Questions?


Excellent! I'll expel you from this office then! Don't worry, I'll start to furnish this place soon enough.


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