The Holy Fuckin' Spirit

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rating: +6+x

Registered Phenomena Code: 009

Object Class: Gamma-Orange

Hazard Types: Sentient, Teleportation, Aggression

Containment Protocols: The containment protocols for RPC-009 are constantly undergoing review and revision. However, the current set of procedures is as follows:

  1. Trained Vedic or Tibetan meditation/Chopra practitioners are to spend a combined total of 100 man-hours per 24 hour period meditating on the following mantras: “RPC-009 is incapable of long-range perception,” “RPC-009 is not a holy being,” “RPC-009 does not draw power from belief,” and “RPC-009 is becoming less intelligent.” This should be done within a radius no greater than 50 meters and no less than 40 meters from the current location of RPC-009.1
  2. Influence, authority, and legal regulation should be applied towards having church programs for youth take place off of church property, in outbuildings that have not been officially consecrated or blessed.
  3. The current containment area for RPC-009, designated OL-Site-009, should be blessed by as many religious leaders and as many diverse faiths as is economically and ecumenically feasible. Special attention should be given to branches of Christianity that maintain symbolic similarity to early Catholic or Orthodox denominations but have disparate and dissenting opinions on the sin of sexual intercourse outside of marriage.
  4. Sexual education programs in religious areas should include a segment emphasizing that fornication is a more serious sin if done on consecrated ground, including but not limited to churches, cathedrals, mosques, graveyards, and any other building or area that has been formally blessed by a religious figure.
  5. The containment chamber for RPC-009 (Currently the storage shed of the Rainbow Hills Pet Cemetery in Waukegan, Illinois) is to be lined at the outside perimeter with blessed salt, silver, oil, herbs, and as many other blessed substances as are feasible and non-contradictory to each other.
  6. No sexual intercourse is permitted in or near the containment area for RPC-009.
  7. After initial containment is established, no personnel should cross the set containment perimeter, as this has an increasing likelihood of triggering either a physical attack or a demanifestation event as time in containment increases.
  8. When RPC-009 become completely vaporous in nature, an MST briefed on the phenomenon and versed in both Christian and Tibetan spiritual practices should be put on alert and equipped to rapidly enact containment procedures after the next RPC-009-A event.
  9. As RPC-009 tends to manifest outside the chosen church before proceeding in during manifestation events, satellite imagery is to be used to track the location of RPC-009.

Description: RPC-009 is, during inactive states, a statue apparently constructed of solid obsidian2 in the form of Nilus the Elder, a Catholic monk active in the early 400s CE. However, it passively accumulates mental and thaumaturgic energy over time in a manner that is not currently fully understood, initially resulting in the statue becoming larger, less solid and more flexible in form, and animate. This eventually culminates in an active state hereafter referred to as an RPC-009-A event. In an active state, it is generally humanoid in form and roughly 2.2-2.7 meters tall. The physical dimensions of the object change rapidly based on the amount and quality of light at the chosen event and other factors that are not confirmed, but suspected, to include the level of general religious belief in the area and the level of belief in the chosen victims at the activation site. As it accumulates more energy, it becomes more active within the containment area, often pacing the perimeter for hours at a time, or shifting forms and poses to represent itself as a well-known righteous or avenging holy being within Catholic lore (72%), the prevalent local belief system (27%) or, rarely, locally popular visual entertainment3 (1%).

RPC-009 is suspected to have been formed by the efforts of the aforementioned Nilus the Elder,4 venerated as Saint Nilus of Sinai by the Roman Catholic Church and Saint Neilos of Ancyra by the Eastern Orthodox Church.

From the writings of Nilus, it is believed that RPC-009 is a form of Tulpa or Sprul Pa as described in Tibetan spiritual belief.5 It initially served only as a visual warning to youth engaging in illicit sexual behavior on church grounds; startling by way of its physical presence, making strange noises similar to religious prayers and chants, and flickering candle or torch light to shock and disturb the youths in question. However, after the death of Nilus in CE 430, the behavior of RPC-009 apparently became increasingly aggressive and physical, beginning with the forcible separation of sexual partners, and escalating to physical beating, audible sounds loud enough to cause hearing damage, images and shapes designed to inflict lasting mental trauma, and starting in CE 1300, the death by bludgeoning of intended victims.

RPC-009 is immune to physical trauma, and the response of the entity to religious rituals and cleansing is wildly varying, seemingly by whatever beliefs hold most precedence in the area it manifests in. As a self-sustaining Tulpa, it is suspected to draw energy from the following sources in the general area: spiritual belief, religious fervor, the level of activities considered sexual misconduct by the prevailing beliefs, and the lunar cycle6. The shapes it assumes during active states imply it has adapted its initial "programming" to believe itself to be a holy being, usually an angel, an avenging spirit, or similar allegorical model. It appears to be able to pick and choose which religious "rules" it follows at will, with a strong but not overriding preference for pre-500 CE Catholiicism and the most prevalent local belief system. Current containment procedures are intended to “confuse” the entity by providing it with as many possible sets of rules to follow, to slow down the ability of RPC-009 to absorb enough energy for its next RPC-009-A event. Currently, the mean time between RPC-009-A events is 573 days.7

During an RPC-009-A event, RPC-009 will demanifest from the containment area and manifest on the property of a church or other consecrated site that is currently home to two or more heterosexual partners with at least one under the age of 18 engaging in sexual intercourse.10 No maximum radius has been determined for the range of transport. RPC-009 will proceed to attempt to separate the couple in order of escalation, starting with strange noises and the startling nature of its appearance, and moving through more extreme measures. Should the couple ignore the first phase of RPC-009-A, physical violence is guaranteed and may not cease even if they separate immediately. In approximately 50% of recorded instances, praying for forgiveness has led to a cessation of violence; however, in the other 50% it has led to continued or even increased violence against the victims.

After the conclusion of RPC-009-A, either by the demanifestation of RPC-009 or the death of both/all participants, RPC-009 will remanifest as an inactive statue, within the nearest crypt, graveyard, or other consecrated burial or body disposal site. As long as it remains in the form of a solid statue, it can be safely moved to a more secure area within the property, but attempting to handle the object when it is at all motile leads to an immediate demanifestation. The safe handling period is approximately one to two weeks, but containment should be enacted swiftly as those numbers are not solid or confirmed. As it draws energy towards the next RPC-009-A event, it will gradually become less solid and larger in stature, and more physically active within the containment perimeter.

Historical Context: During his ministry in Turkey, CE 417-430, Nilus encountered practitioners of Vedic spiritualism. While he found their beliefs heretical, the success of their practices led him to believe that they were mistakenly summoning angels. He then adapted their rituals to fit his beliefs.

Previous and Suggested Containment Procedures:

Procedure: Meditation on the Mantras “RPC-009 is disappearing, RPC-009 is becoming weaker”

Approval: Yes

Outcome: “Disappearing” led to an immediate demanifestation with no delay in the time between RPC-009-A events, while “weaker” was apparently interpreted by the entity as “lighter,” causing it to manifest faster in the designated area. Future mantras must focus on the crippling of the abilities of RPC-009 and must be as straightforward and incapable of intelligent misinterpretation as possible.

Procedure: Various blessed, cursed, and normal weapons were proposed as an active countermeasure to be used during an RPC-009-A event, including but not limited to silver bullets, holy water, blessed swords, cold iron rods, high explosives, and graveyard metal.

Approval: Various

Outcome: RPC-009 showed no reaction to most weapons and none of them were ever sufficient to stop a currently occurring RPC-009-A event. As the forms it chooses show that RPC-009 considers itself to be a holy being, it may be operating under the principle that it is immune to holy weapons and above cursed or normal weapons.

Procedure: Contain RPC-009 in an area of high theological conformity to ease the research of coherent containment protocols

Approval: Not Currently Feasible

Outcome: While it is thought by thaumaturgical and theological experts available to the Authority that an area of high religious coherence would ease in the containment of RPC-009, as it seems to often follow the prevalent rules of the area around it, no area on earth is currently coherent enough to suit that purpose. Even in areas of the Middle East where Al-Sunnah Islam is over 90% of the religious mass, the division within the Sunni sect and the presence of Shia Muslims appears to be enough for RPC-009 to switch to a different rule set and escape. The presence of even one nearby person with conflicting beliefs may be sufficient to enable this behavior.

Procedure: Establish a world religion with simple, coherent rules

Approval: Denied

Outcome: As containment of over 50 known anomalies in possession of the Authority rely on the presence and belief of various religions and spiritualities, this would do more harm than good. The attempt would also likely shatter the Authority beyond repair, as it is comprised of individuals of many and disparate faiths. This was never considered feasible but has remained in the suggestions to discourage the further suggestion of this procedure.

Procedure: Stop adolescents from having sex on consecrated ground

Approval: Approved as far as reduction of the act, total cessation of pubescent sexual activity in consecrated areas deemed physically impossible

Outcome: Implemented at the same time as several other containment procedures, suspected to have resulted in a ~40 day increase in time between RPC-009-A events

Partial list of known RPC-009-A events
Date and Location of Event Appearance of RPC-009 Outcome
478, Constantinople (From Church Records) Archangel Michael, as depicted in Constantinople (wings, helmet, armor of a Byzantine general) "And two young unmarried citizens were fallen upon by the shade of Mikhael, Arch Angel, most holy, and he did separate their embrace with great fervor and a speech not hearable by the ears of Man. The two were encouraged to marry, to abrogate their grave sin."
691, Medina, Saudi Arabia (From police records) Al-Hasan ibn Ali ibn Abi Talib, a Caliph deceased thirty years prior "A prostitute and her young client emerged from the room of ablutions, barren to the world and in a sinful state of arousal, shouting nonsense about being pursued by the shade of the former Caliph, may he rest in peace, inshallah. They were stoned for their blasphemy against a holy place and a fine of 20 dirham was assessed to the boy's family.
1335, Woodstock Borough, England (Folklore) Manawydan, Welsh minor god of the sea "Two lovers overcome with passion retired not to their houses, nor to any barn or nearby structure, but the bower set for Manawydan to seek his protection from the storms of Autumn and the harsh waves. This so angered Manawydan that he set upon them himself, flailing about with chains of bronze until the two were thoroughly beaten and chastised. He yet chased them until an [sic] Druid did intervene on their behalf, at which point he faded into the winds."
1778, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (From a book of tall tales) King George III of England, in full regency dress as seen in official portraits "A young couple, caught 'looking for apples' in the back room of the local church swore that they were interrupted by the King of England himself. They were so pale that it was almost believable, but they had earned a beating for the act alone, not just the lie they tried to excuse it with. Imagine! The King with nothing better to do than spy on lovebirds."
1898, a temple outside Kyoto, Japan A traditional Kitsune fox spirit, 7 tails, red garments "Three unknown boys accosted a young girl in the temple garden, forcing themselves upon her in turn. The girl claims that a Kitsune appeared at the shrine and attacked them each in turn with a Shakujō,11 beating them all to death within seconds. As the girl is too young and weak to have caused the injuries witnessed on her own, she has been released."
1997, Las Vegas, Nevada, "15 Minute Wedding Chapel" (MST After Action Report) Televangelist Joel Osteen Security footage shows Charlie █████████, 17, and LaTanya ███████████, 16, part time employees of the chapel, initiating coitus in the back room. They were unaware of the camera, placed there by the proprietor/pastor. RPC-009 manifested approximately three minutes into the act, making vocalizations later confirmed to be distorted snippets from the sermons of Joel Osteen. Both participants were wearing earbuds, listening to music, and were unaware of the entity. RPC-009 continued to vocalize and shift around the room for approximately five minutes, before leaning down and grabbing at its head for ten seconds. It then proceeded to beat the couple with a large copy of Isaac Asimov's Concordance and Commentary of the Bible. The couple separated and the event ended without further incident.
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