This page is an archive for a contest entry that was hosted at a special URL. The article has since been ported to the main site as RPC-329.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| INCOMING FARCOMM MESSAGE1
| FROM: CARGO DELIVERY SHUTTLE 1A30DC
| ACCEPT?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| MESSAGE AUTHORIZED
| >1A3ODC, THIS IS BASE, GO AHEAD.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >THIS IS JEFFREY JAMESON. EMPLOYEE NUMBER 1B001819.
| >I JUST DROPPED OUT OF FTL.2
| >NOT SURE HOW TO PROCEED.
| >ALL SYSTEMS GOOD.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >HI JEFFREY. STANDBY
| >1A3ODC, THIS IS TECH. WHAT HAPPENED EXACTLY?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >I HAVE NO CLUE. WAS 2/3RDS THE WAY TO DESTINATION. SUDDEN JERK.
| >NOW OUT.
| >SLOWING DOWN NOW, ODD.
| >UNFAMILIAR REGION.
| >JUST COASTING NOW.
| >ALL ON BOARD SYSTEMS ARE RESPONSIVE.
| >ALL SELF TESTS PASSED.
| >EXCEPT FTL LAUNCH.
| >AND LOCAL COMM SYSTEMS.3
| >TL;DR CAN’T RETURN TO FTL SOLO.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >1A3ODC, ANY ALARMS ON HAZARD LOG?
| >HOW ARE PARAMETERS?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >PARAMETERS ARE WITHIN NORMAL LIMITS.
| >FLOW IS 5.2 LPM, PI IS 4.3, GWATTS ARE 7.2.
| >NO ALARMS.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >CAN YOU SEND COORDINATES OF YOUR CURRENT LOCATION?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >RIGHT ASCENSION ██H ██M ██.███S
| >DECLINATION +██° ██′ ██.██″
| >ABOUT 21.5 KLY4 AWAY FROM YOU.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >STANDBY.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >ALRIGHT DISPATCH CREW IS ON THE WAY.
| >DELIVERY ATTEMPT WILL HAVE TO START OVER.
| >WILL NOTIFY THE RECIPIENT.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >THANK YOU. STANDING BY.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >1A3ODC, DO YOU COPY?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >I COPY.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >1A3ODC, THIS IS NAV ADMIN. YOU ARE WAY OFF ROUTE. WHY IS THIS?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >1A3ODC, DO YOU READ?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YES I READ. SORRY. I WAS RUNNING LATE. TOOK A SHORTCUT. COMPUTER PUT IT AT 3 PARSECS SHORTER.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >1A3ODC, THAT WAS UNAUTHORIZED.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >I KNOW. I AM SORRY. EATING IT NOW.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >1A3ODC, WE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO LET YOU GO THEN.
| >THATS THE BREAKS.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NO DON’T LEAVE MECOUT HERE. I AM SORRY I HAVE DONE IT BEFOFE WITH NO ISSUES. I AM SOREY. PLEASE COME.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >JEREMY, KIDDING. IT’S TONY.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >TONY YOU FUCK.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >WE COULDN'T HELP OURSELVES.
| >EVERYONE TAKES SHORTCUTS BTW.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YOU BETTER NOT COME GET ME NOW.
| >I AM GOING TO KICK YOU IN THE NUTS.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >WE SENT A TEAM, ON THE WAY.
| >BUT YOU GOTTA PAY.
| >ONE SCREENCAP FROM FLIGHT LOGS OF YOUR FACE
| >WHEN YOU WERE SHITTING YOURSELF.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >DEAL.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >STANDBY.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >JEREMY. CREW IS REPORTING IN AT LOCATION.
| >NO VISUAL ON YOU.
| >CAN YOU SEE ANY BEACONS?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NEGATIVE.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >AND YOU CAN’T REACH OUT TO THEM?
| >WITH RADIO?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >CORRECT.
| >I’M MUTE & DEAF EXCEPT FOR THIS.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >CAN YOU DESCRIBE YOUR VIEWPORT?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NEBULA DOMINATES. SPARSE OTHERWISE. MILKY WAY ARMS VISIBLE. SOME PLANETS. MANY MOONS.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >DESCRIBE THE NEBULA.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NOT A LARGE CORONA, THIN.
| >BLUE.
| >LOOKS LIKE A STELLAR NURSERY. TWO LARGE STARS IN MIDDLE VOID.
| >ACTUALLY IT LOOKS LIKE AN ANIMAL WITH EYES.
| >LIKE A PET IN A FLASHLIGHT.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NOT ENOUGH LANDMARKS MAYBE.
| >CAN YOU LAND ON ANY SURFACE NEARBY?
| >THEN DEPLOY SOS FLARE BEAM.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YES.
| >SMALL DARK MOON.
| >OR ASTEROID, WHATEVER.
| >WHITE CRATERS.
| >ROGUE, NO HOME PLANET.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >TOUCH DOWN.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >SOS BEAM UP.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >BASE, DO THEY SEE ME?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >1A3ODC, WE HAVE NO VISUAL. NO NEBULA AT COORDINATES.
| >STANDBY.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >1A3ODC, WRONG COORDINATES.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NO THEY ARE CORRECT. TRIPLE CHECKED.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NO. WE INPUT THE WRONG COORDINATES.
| >WRONG SIGN, + INSTEAD OF —. TYPO.
| >OUR BAD.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >ARE YOU STILL JOKING TONY?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NEGATIVE JEREMY.
| >ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE DATA CORRUPTION.
| >GLITCHED PIXELS.
| >SORRY. SOME BAD LUCK.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >HOW LONG OUT?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >21KLY IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >A DELAY BUT NOT TERRIBLE. HOW ARE YOUR STORES?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >O2 97.5%.
| >WEEKS WORTH OF H2O & FOOD.
| >GOOD.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >THIS CREW NEEDS TO RECHARGE FTL NOW.
| >CAN SEND CRITICAL CARE TRANSPORT TO GET YOU.
| >ONLY OTHER SHIP HERE AT BASE RN.
| >FANCY. LUCKY YOU.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >BASED, BASE.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >STANDBY.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >STANDING BY.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >JEFF, NO CRITICAL CARE TRANSPORT.
| >HAPPENS TO BE IN CLEANING. RE-GALVANIZING ITS HULL.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >THAT IS A THING?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YES.
| >FOR 12 HRS, ONCE EVERY 5 YEARS.
| >SORRY AGAIN. HOW UNLUCKY.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >WELL.
| >SHIT.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >FIRST CREW IS DUE BACK SOON.
| >WILL SEND ASAP.
| >STANDBY.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NOTHING ELSE TO DO BUT.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >COME IN BASE, THIS IS 1A3ODC, DO YOU COPY?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >COPY 1A3ODC, THIS IS BASE.
| >GO AHEAD.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >JUST LOOKING FOR AN UPDATE.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >TEAM IS BACK, BUT CHARGING.
| >NO NEWS.
| >SORRY, WE ARE A LITTLE BUSY.
| >WILL UPDATE.
| >DISTRESS IF ANY TROUBLE.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >ROGER.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >BASE, I KNOW YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIVE.
| >NOT A DISTRESS CALL, SO.
| >BUT HOPE IT'S OK THAT I JUST TYPE.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YEAH, YOU GUYS FOCUS ON THAT RECHARGE.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >THIS IS AN ODD PLACE.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >THERE IS A DISTANT STAR, PROB SEVERAL AUS.5
| >MODERATE LIGHT.
| >THIS NEBULA THOUGH.
| >IS BIG. BUT FAR ENOUGH AWAY.
| >I CAN COVER IT WITH MY PALM.
| >IF I CLOSE ONE EYE.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >LOOKING STRAIGHT UP AT IT HURTS MY NECK.
| >NEW MEANING TO THE TERM MOONROOF.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >THE ROTATION OF THIS MOON IS FAST.
| >THE NEBULA HAS DISAPPEARED OVER THE HORIZON AND BACK AGAIN SEVERAL TIMES.
| >I THINK I'VE ONLY BEEN HERE FOR
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >6 HOURS.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >*6 EARTH HOURS.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >SEVERAL OTHER MOONS OR PLANETS OR WHATEVER MOVING AROUND THE NEBULA.
| >THEY ARE VERY SMALL FROM HERE.
| >BUT I CAN SEE THEM REFLECT LIGHT AS THEY CROSS THE GAS CLOUD.
| >MUST BE GOING VERY FAST.
| >THEY GET OUT PAST IT AND THEN SLOW DOWN.
| >THEN FALL BACK DOWN AND GO BEHIND IT.
| >KIND OF FUN TO WATCH.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >MAYBE MIND TRICKS, BUT THE NEBULA SEEMS BRIGHTER OR BIGGER EACH TIME.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >THIS NEBULA REMINDS ME OF GIMO.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >GIMO IS MY CAT.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >BASE.
| >COME IN.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >MOONS AROUND NEBULA STOPPED.
| >NO LONGER ORBITING.
| >NOT SURE WHAT THIS IS.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >DEFINITELY STATIONARY NOW.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >I THINK THE STAR IS GETTING DIMMER.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >HOLD ON.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YES DEFINITE.
| >STAR GETS DARKER EACH ROTATION.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >LOTS MORE STARS NOW.
| >THIS IS GETTING WEIRD.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >UNLESS YOU RESPOND I THINK I AM GOING TO DISTRESS CALL.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YOU THERE?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >1A3ODC, DO YOU COPY?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YES. I AM HERE.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU.
| >IS THE TEAM ON THE WAY?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YES, TEAM IS EN ROUTE.
| >T-MINUS 3 HRS.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >*EARTH HRS
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >DAMN LOL. THANKS.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >JESUS YOU ARE LIKE AN EX GF.
| >WITH ALL THE MESSAGES.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >WHY WOULD YOU NAME A CAT GIMO?
| >ANIMAL CRUELTY.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NAMED AFTER NON-GMO.
| >CUZ HE SMOL.
| >DID YOU SEE ALL MESSAGES?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >READING.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >OK. HM.
| >STANDBY.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >MEDICAL WANTS TO KNOW:
| >WHAT IS YOUR:
| >NAME, DATE OF BIRTH, WHAT YEAR IS IT?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >JEFFREY JAMESON
| >03/29/49
| >IN EARTH YEARS?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >KIDDING. 2493.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >I'M FINE. NEURO CHECKS ARE GOOD.
| >I'M NOT GOING CRAZY OUT HERE.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YEAH THEY HAVE TO CHECK.
| >O2 LEVELS?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >97.25%.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >OK. NOT SURE ABOUT THE MOONS.
| >OR STAR.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >ME NEITHER. NEVER HEARD OF ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
| >IT'S VERY DARK NOW.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >EXCEPT FOR THE NEBULA.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >COME IN BASE
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >TONY
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >1A3ODC, WHAT IS YOUR EMERGENCY?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >THE MOON HAS STOPPED.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >THE MOON I AM ON HAS STIPPED ROTATING.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >1A3ODC, ARE YOU SURE?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >TWHAT DO YOUR MEAN YES I AM SURE.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >IM STOPPED.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >IN THE DARK.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NEBULA iS DIRECTLY OVERHEAD.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >PERFECTLY ALIGNED.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >HUGE.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >EYES BRIGHTER.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >1A3ODC, REMAIN CALM.
| >TEAM IS INBOUND.
| >5 MIN.
| >TRY YOUR RADIO JUST IN CASE.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >WHY ARE THESE EYES
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >1A3ODC, TEAM IS AT NEBULA.
| >REPEAT, TEAM IS AT NEBULA.
| >VISUAL DESCRIPTION CONFIRMED.
| >ANIMAL LIKE WITH "EYES"
| >DO YOU COPY?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >I COPY.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >THE AREA IS DARK.
| >TEAM REPORTING VERY POOR VISIBILITY.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >I COPY.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >JEFFREY, TELL US THE ORIENTATION OF THE NEBULA FROM YOUR POV.
| >WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK AT IT?
| >INCLUDE PROMINENT FEATURES.
| >WE CAN DEDUCE YOUR POSITION.
| >USING 3D MODEL.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >STRAIGHT ON.
| >THROUGH THE CLOUD.
| >LOOKING DIRECTLY THROUGH GAP.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >LARGER ARM OF NEBULA CLOUD ON RIGHT SIDE.
| >EYES TOWARD ME.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >TO CONFIRM:
| >YOU ARE LOOKING STRAIGHT THROUGH?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YES.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >ARE YOU SURE THE MOON IS DARK?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YES.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >WHATS THE MATTER
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >WHATS WRONG
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >TEAM IS REPORTING THEY ARE LOOKING THROUGH THE NEBULA TOO.
| >WE KNOW WE AREN'T ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF IT.
| >LARGER ARM OF NEBULA CORONA IS ON THEIR RIGHT, LIKE YOURS.
| >NO MOON.
| >SHOULD BE RIGHT ON YOU.
| >SOS BEAM STILL ON?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YES DAMN IT
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >WHATS GOING ON
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >TONY
| >FUCKING TALK TO ME
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NO SOS BEAM.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >WHAT
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >I'M MOVING
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >MOON IS MOVING TOWARDS NEBULA
| >FAST
| >VERY FAST
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >WHY CANT YOU SEE ME
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >WHY ARE THESE EYES NOW
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >FUCK THIS
| >I AM LAUNCHING OFF
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >LIFT OFF
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >JEFFREY, % CHANCE OF FINDING YOU IS LESS
| >WITH YOU MOVING
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NOT GOING TO GET SWALLOWED
| >INTO SOME BLACK HOLE
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >JEFFREY
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >JEFFREY COME IN
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >JEFFREY COME IN
| >THEY FOUND THE MOON
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >JEFFREY COME IN
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YOU CANT BE THAT FAR
| >COME IN
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >JEFFREY THIS IS TONY
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >JEFFREY
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >COME IN