Delivered and Facilitated by His Governorship
Bernardino Meneses y Bracamonte, Count of Peñalba
Steward of Española & Gonâve Isle
Inquisition Undertaken:
Inquisitor Gomez Juan-Carlo the 2nd was given the task of finding and retrieving the Coquina de Maya, an ancient powerful shell that is said to whisper prophecy into the ears of those who listen. The Inquisition learned of this artifact from a Mayan turncoat, one of the many caused by Cortez's sloppy work, who wished to trade prized secrets for a musket and a small stock of gunpowder. Inquisitor Gomez was given a small chest of pieces of eight to accomplish this task, whether it be through contract or direct acquisition.
Discovery and Acquisition
Inquisitor Gomez used the majority of his funds to hire a small Brigantine, running by the English name "Of Salt and Swords". These privateers had previously worked as mercenaries in the ongoing Anglo-Caribbean war of aggression, and they turn coated in a particularly crucial battle. Inquisitor Gomez negotiated a reasonable rate for their services, which were well warranted, being as they stocked their Brigantine to the brim with 12-pounder cannons on either side. Though concerns were raised about the reliability of turncoat mercenaries, Inquisitor Gomez believed them to be true-hearted Catholics, rebelling against the Protestantism of England. Inquisitor Gomez's first-hand report follows.
Inquisitor Gomez Juan-Carlo the 2nd of the Caribbean Inquisition for Unholy Artifacts
Year of Our Lord 1650, Day One of Journey
We set sail today from Hispanola. The captain has assured me the trip to the tip of the Yucatán should take no longer than a week if the winds favor us, and I do hope they do. The funds I have been given for this journey and conscription of a meager crew have been somewhat paltry, in accordance with the importance of the item in question. Though some questioned my recruitment of a dubiously loyal group, their rates could not be more competitive, and it is in everyone's best interest to save money, so far from España.
Year of Our Lord 1650, Day Five of Journey
It has become readily apparent that the captain accepted this contract without consulting his crew. I have kept myself in my private quarters, journaling and filing paperwork of previous expeditions. I came to the top deck, as I heard they had discovered an Island, and upon speaking to the captain, one of the crewmen noticed my Spanish accent and was taken aback, loudly shouting that they don't brook Catholics. The captain calmed the man down and appealed to me, and I accepted, with more of a thin-lipped smile than I'd like to admit.
Paragraphs Struck - Archiver Brother Hobbs: Secondary Information about Englishmen and their (lack) of hygiene.
Year of Our Lord 1650, Day Nine of Journey
Landfall! And none too soon. I am sure that archiving monk can see by my date that it is none too soon. My budget had accounted for delays, as the Yucatan is a largely unexplored part, far from the more civilized ports like Portobelo and Havana. Since the last incident, the captain has kept a sharp watch on his crew, but I can still feel the anger behind their eyes. Their captain must've been an excellent diplomat to have them turn tail. Or the money might have been too good to pass up. If it's the latter, then I'm in trouble.
We've landed roughly ~40 knots from where I intended, further west of the horn of the Yucatan than for which we originally set sail. Supposedly, the Mayan who had received the musket and powder has turned himself into a surrogate king, no doubt rushing to fill the void left by our triumphant crusade. If he wishes to land his estate, I will offer him that opportunity to become a vassal of the Imperio Español. That, and the inspiring visit of a Spanish diplomat shown to his people, should be all the bargaining power I need for him to tell me where exactly this heretical artifact is.
Year of Our Lord 1650, Day Ten of Journey
Not as planned. Though he was more than happy to accept my vassalization, and more than happy to accept me as an official diplomat, the Mayan was far more cunning a negotiator than what was presented. I asked for the location of the coquina, and he turns his nose up at me. I explained to him again all that was given to him, and what boons were to come, but he laughed at me between sips of his drink. In his disgusting pronunciations with his mix of Español and Yucatec, he said "Words are Words". I reminded him that now, as a Spanish Vassel, he had not only an obligation but a duty to serve the inquisition in its search for holy artifacts. Despite my tone being precise, he laughed at me in hysterics as if we'd been telling japes at the pub. The dismissal of a lowly ingrate to besmirch the high duty of the church was an insult not only to his superiors but to god itself. As if he could talk down to the very person who had just vassalized him? A backwater Mayan who believes he's a king thinking he's better than the catholic church? The ludicrousy of the situation, and if he did not hold back my holy mission, I would've told him EXACTLY what I thought of his heretical, filthy, PLEBIAN gods and their worthless-
Paragraphs Struck - Archiver Brother Hobbs: Auxiliary information pertaining to Inquisitor's opinion on Mayan culture.
After a long bout of negotiations, I handed over to him my breastplate, which I departed with sorrowfully, but solemnly. I learned the location of the Coquina, not far from this current location, at a site called Tulum. Without further conversation, we departed from the camp before the Mayans could find more ways to depart us from our belongings, as already some of the crew had noticed their pockets feeling a little lighter than before.
Year of Our Lord 1650, Day Fourteen of Journey
We arrived at Tulum, a cliffside city sporting temples over the coast. As our ship docked and we spied a footpath up into the cliff-facing temple from the shore, we saw movement up above. I allowed the first mate to go ahead, the larger man with the blunderbuss, and followed behind. When we reached the summit of the cliffside mountain, we were met with an odd shock. Tulum was abandoned, or at least it appeared so. I have journeyed and seen many Mayan structures in my time, but none as fresh, and oddly abandoned as this.
A short investigation revealed the culprit. At what was once most likely a stockpile of food, lay cutlass strikes in the stonework. Piracy, or conquistadors? It is hard to say. Many a Mayan Kingdom has been ruined by a simple sloop who noticed them from afar and decided they could be a little richer. The crew continued to search for some moments, looking for priceless cocoa, but I had already moved back towards the temple on the eastern side of the town. There, I found it. The coquina. Of course, I found it odd, to be sitting undefended in a temple, and odder still to be found so easily, but I believed it may be prudent to test if it was the shell in question we were searching for, so I raised it to my ear.
"…you will be struck down in but moments…"
I drew my saber in a flash as it clashed with the same Spanish-hating man, the one that had rudely drubbed me on the ship. He looked shocked that I had blocked his surprise attack, and he no doubts thought it to be my end. I felt naked without my breastplate, but then I remembered in the first place, that he had talked to the Mayan before I had. I threw the thoughts aside as I clashed. It was clear why he had to ambush me, he had none of the skills of a swashbuckler or a duelist, a common crewman, and he stood no chance to my aggressive advance. A strike here, a strike there, the sailor was bleeding all throughout the floor, stumbling and barely getting his cutlass up in time before the next blow came. I entertained the fight for a few extra seconds, but I riposted his blade away and stabbed through his neck.
Watching him bleed out onto the floor, my most immediate concern was the crew. If they knew I had murdered him, even for my own reasons, they would surely exile me onto the island. That was when I learned what that movement we saw on the cliffside was. A Mexican Hairless dog, flanked by a smaller chihuahua, appeared in the arches of the temple door. They looked starved, most likely having been abandoned by the previous owners when they fled from their assailants. I simply moved away from the man's dead body, offering it to the hounds. I reboarded the ship, pretended to feel sorry for the sap who had gotten his throat ripped out by wild dogs, and enjoyed a nice bottle of fermented agave, for a job well done.
Letter of Intent
I, Inquisitor Gomez Juan-Carlo the 2nd, hereby relinquish this artifact and its care to the brothers of the cloth, Caribbean chapter of the Dominican Order. I submit my findings and hold them true to all accounts, including my word and gods. May the artifact be deemed holy or heretical, in gods name.
Amen.
V.S. of the Auctoritas Imperata
The Caribbean Inquisition for Unholy Artifacts
Anomalia Supernaturalis #782
Completed on the 24th of Januarius, Anno Domini 1652
Composed by Father G. Giovanni, Auctoritas Collegium Romae
Profile: The artifact visually appears to be normal coquina. All tests, aside from durability, have confirmed that it is artificially coquina from its texture, material, and weight. Though testing to be durable to strikes, crushes, and stabs. Testing was stopped when a crack was spotted on the tip of the coquina, and we do not believe it to be impervious to all attacks. As for the effects of the artifact, though it promises prophetic visions, it only offers estimations of the next few moments. In the inquisitor's case, this estimation was quite valid, as the crewman had ample reason and planning to strike and kill him. But for other predictions, such as whether someone will put down a cup or not, lies entirely within the moment as to whether or not variables affect the outcome. In summary, it could be useful for Inquisitors to survive in treacherous environments, or catholic generals to avoid unfortunate cannon fire, but it provides no large-scale or long-term effect. Therefore…
- This artifact has been deemed righteous.1
- This artifact has been rewarded the full bounty amount.2
- This artifact has been given the right to exist.3
Suggested Use: The Dominican Order finds that the best use of this artifact would be to give to the commanding general of any crusade or catholic war. Such short-term premonition will cease all accidental, misfortunate, or thereby avoidable deaths. Let the artifact of god serve his most righteous servants.
DEUS SIT APUD VOS