| Infobox | |
| Canon: | Non-Canon |
| Series: | none |
| Canon: | Non-Canon | Series: | none |
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3.1 stars |
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| INCOMING FARCOMM MESSAGE
| FROM: UNKNOWN
| ACCEPT?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| MESSAGE AUTHORIZED
| >THIS IS THE GALACTIC COMMUNICATIONS AUTHORITY, BINARY COMMS LINE 1A3ODC. IDENTIFY YOURSELF
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >HOLD ON, HOLD A SECOND
| >WHAT YEAR IS IT
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >IDENTIFY YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >WHAT FUCKING YEAR IS IT???
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >2476
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >OH. FUCK. YOU'RE SHITTING ME.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YOU NEED TO IDENTIFY YOURSELF
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT
| >THIS IS LIEUTENANT RICHARDS
| >IT'S BEEN A WHILE
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YOU AREN'T IN THE RECORDS
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >CHECK THE 22XX ARCHIVES
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >OH SHIT. YEAH
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YUP
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU ALIVE
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >I DON'T KNOW YET
| >I'M TRYING TO FIGURE THAT OUT
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >I THOUGHT FARCOMM DIDN'T EXIST UNTIL 2050
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT IS
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU SENDING FROM?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >ANDROMEDA, ON AN ABANDONED SOVIET SHIP
| >SEEMS THEY HAD US BEAT BY A LOT
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >SHIT, I GUESS OUR TECH IS BASED ON THEIRS. NO WAY ELSE THE ENTANGLED GRAVITONS WOULD MATCH UP
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >HOW'S EARTH DOING?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >GONE SINCE BEFORE I WAS BORN
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >SHIT
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NO DON'T WORRY, IT WASN'T AN ACCIDENT. PEOPLE JUST GOT SICK OF EARTH AND LEFT
| >AS FTL WENT MAINSTREAM, MOST HUMANS WERE GONE AFTER 200 YEARS
| >THE QUADRIL COMPANIES TORE IT TO SHREDS TO GET AT ALL THE ANOMALIES
| >TURNS OUT ANOMALIES ARE A COMMODITY AMONG ALIENS, AND THE EARTH HAD A SHITTON THROUGHOUT THE MANTLE
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >QUADRIL COMPANIES?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YEAH, THE FIRST QUADRILLION-DOLLAR CONGLOMERATE CORPORATIONS
| >THE SOVIETS MAY HAVE HAD FTL FIRST BUT THEY COULD NEVER KILL AMAZON
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >IS THERE A DYSON SPHERE YET?
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NO, THAT'S TOTAL BULLSHIT
| >BASICALLY, WE COMPRESSED THE SUN AND DRANK IT LIKE A SMOOTHIE
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >HEY, I THINK I'VE GOT THIS FIGURED OUT
| >HERE'S THE DEAL: I WAS A NATO SPY TRYING TO NAB SOVIET FTL TECH BUT I COULDN'T GET DIRECT ACCESS. I ENDED UP ON AN FTL TEST MISSION TO PLUTO, FIGURED I COULD KILL EVERYONE AND TAKE THE SHIP, BRING IT BACK HOME. I THOUGHT I'D SUCCEEDED, THEN ONE OF THE SOVIETS I'D KILLED CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD. COMMIES HAD SOME KIND OF NECRO TECH AND I HAD NO IDEA.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YOU JUST KILLED THEM ALL?
| >THAT'S HARDCORE
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >YEAH, WELL, THEY WERE TORTURING INTER-DIMENSIONAL REFUGEES SO FUCK 'EM.
| >THE DUDE CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD, LOCKED ME IN A CRYO.
| >TOOK TILL A FEW HOURS AGO FOR THE SHIP TO CRASH AND THE CRYO CHAMBER TO BREAK.
| >LUCKILY MOST OF EVERYTHING ELSE ISN'T IRREPARABLE.
| >I FOUND THE UNDEAD GUY'S BODY IN THE GAS CHAMBER. DUDE RE-KILLED HIMSELF.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >HE COULD HAVE TAKEN THE SHIP BACK HOME AND LIVED, BUT INSTEAD HE SENT IT OFF INTO DEEP SPACE JUST TO FUCK WITH YOU. THAT'S BRUTAL.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >NO, I THINK HE JUST DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO STEER THE THING.
| >ANYWAY, THE SHIP HIT AN ASTEROID AND I WOKE UP. I MAPPED THE CONSTELLATIONS AND COMPARED IT WITH THE SHIP'S IN-BUILT EARTH MAP TO FIND MY LOCATION. I'M BETWEEN TWO OF ANDROMEDA'S ARMS.
| >I NARROWLY MISSED THREE BLACK HOLES ACCORDING TO THE LOG. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >I CAN SEND HELP. I NEED YOUR COORDINATES
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >RIGHT ASCENSION ██H ██M ██.███S
| >DECLINATION +██° ██' ██.██"
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >ALRIGHT. THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY. YOU'LL BE BACK IN NO TIME.
FARCOMM 1A3ODC
| >THANKS A MILLION
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